Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We have made cuts in other areas and live really like paupers (or "the millionaire next door"). We live "poorer" than most other people we know, but to us, it's important to send her to the private school. For example, we have no tv at home, no internet at home, drive two paid-for cars, I wear the same clothes from Target basically like every day, and we do a lot of things that other people eschewed on the "what cheap things have you seen people do" thread.

That said, I have another friend who lives pretty "high on the hog" and he was saying, "We just couldn't afford private school," and I really had to sit on my hands and bite my tongue not to say anything.

Why exactly would you feel the need to "bite you tongue". Yoor "friend" (I use that term loosely as you seem very judgmental) has made choices on how he wants to live and cannot afford tuition. As a long time private school parent, I can assure you that private school isn't the be all and the end all of existence, and neither you ate your child are better than anyone else for making this choice. Perhaps you ate really jealous of the things he can afford that tuition denies you. Different strokes......

Not PP, but let me explain in my circumstance: I too have to bite my tongue when dealing with people who say they can't afford private school when I know they are financially doing better than us. It's in the situation where they say they would really love to send their kids to private school then say they can't afford it. Of course if someone doing better than us doesn't care for private schools, then I don't have to bite my tongue - they choose not to value the experience. Get it?

NP here. I think it's funny that when someone says they "can't afford private" YOU think they can b/c they are "financially doing better" than you are. Maybe the truth is that they can't afford it (while planning in a prudent way for retirement, college, emergency fund, etc.). Guess what that means? It means you REALLY can't afford it b/c you have even less than they do.

You wouldn't be the first people to go broke paying for private school. Just b/c your tuition check doesn't bounce, it doesn't mean that you can really afford the school. Affording something this expensive means having a fully funded financial portfolio. Plenty of parents can write the check, but because they don't have a great understanding of finances, jeopardize their financial future. Kudos to your more financially prudent friends for realizing that private school is a luxury marketed as a "need."

It's definitely hard. We are looking at private for our sn ds next year as he is not doing well in public. We are actually planning on selling our home and downsizing to a townhouse. The savings on the mortgage will help with the tuition.

Anonymous wrote:Interesting to read how many of you have written that privates are not all they're cracked up to be for many of you.

Perhaps I should look into an advocate or boost with camps over the summer.

10:58 Yes, get a consultant. We had our developmental pediatrician and educational consultant involved from the beginning of the IEP process. They both observed child at school and attended all meetings with us. Best money we ever spent and much cheaper than private school tuition. DS attends a DC charter and everything has worked out great and DS is happy and thriving.

Op here again - PP brought up an interesting point about grandparents.

My parents have actually set aside college tuition money for all the grandkids. I wonder if using that money now would be feasible? Heck, if we dont find a way to improve his learning environ he may never get to college!!

Anonymous wrote:

We have made cuts in other areas and live really like paupers (or "the millionaire next door"). We live "poorer" than most other people we know, but to us, it's important to send her to the private school. For example, we have no tv at home, no internet at home, drive two paid-for cars, I wear the same clothes from Target basically like every day, and we do a lot of things that other people eschewed on the "what cheap things have you seen people do" thread.

That said, I have another friend who lives pretty "high on the hog" and he was saying, "We just couldn't afford private school," and I really had to sit on my hands and bite my tongue not to say anything.

Why exactly would you feel the need to "bite you tongue". Yoor "friend" (I use that term loosely as you seem very judgmental) has made choices on how he wants to live and cannot afford tuition. As a long time private school parent, I can assure you that private school isn't the be all and the end all of existence, and neither you ate your child are better than anyone else for making this choice. Perhaps you ate really jealous of the things he can afford that tuition denies you. Different strokes......

Not PP, but let me explain in my circumstance: I too have to bite my tongue when dealing with people who say they can't afford private school when I know they are financially doing better than us. It's in the situation where they say they would really love to send their kids to private school then say they can't afford it. Of course if someone doing better than us doesn't care for private schools, then I don't have to bite my tongue - they choose not to value the experience. Get it?

Anonymous wrote:We have made cuts in other areas and live really like paupers (or "the millionaire next door"). We live "poorer" than most other people we know, but to us, it's important to send her to the private school. For example, we have no tv at home, no internet at home, drive two paid-for cars, I wear the same clothes from Target basically like every day, and we do a lot of things that other people eschewed on the "what cheap things have you seen people do" thread.

That said, I have another friend who lives pretty "high on the hog" and he was saying, "We just couldn't afford private school," and I really had to sit on my hands and bite my tongue not to say anything.

We did that too. And it worked for a few years. But your kid catches on and you get tired of the routine. You never save any money. The tuition costs go up and it becomes a battle of worrying about whether tution will go up 3% or 4% because that 1% really makes an issue in the budget. We finally bailed. The strain was too much. And in the end, we really hated our twenty-something poor lifestyle we were having to live all over again.

Several parents we knew had support from family members. Some had grandparents pay tuition. But there were many others who had grandparents who simply supplemented the families life such as providing very nice vacations, enough "gifts" at Christmas and other holidays so that the parents didn't have to buy the bulk of clothes, toys, electronics, luxury cars that were handed down from grand parents that were a year old because the grandparent "got tired of it", etc and so forth...

Anonymous wrote:

We have made cuts in other areas and live really like paupers (or "the millionaire next door"). We live "poorer" than most other people we know, but to us, it's important to send her to the private school. For example, we have no tv at home, no internet at home, drive two paid-for cars, I wear the same clothes from Target basically like every day, and we do a lot of things that other people eschewed on the "what cheap things have you seen people do" thread.

That said, I have another friend who lives pretty "high on the hog" and he was saying, "We just couldn't afford private school," and I really had to sit on my hands and bite my tongue not to say anything.

Why exactly would you feel the need to "bite you tongue". Yoor "friend" (I use that term loosely as you seem very judgmental) has made choices on how he wants to live and cannot afford tuition. As a long time private school parent, I can assure you that private school isn't the be all and the end all of existence, and neither you ate your child are better than anyone else for making this choice. Perhaps you ate really jealous of the things he can afford that tuition denies you. Different strokes......

Like I said, I can only share what has worked for us. People can choose to react to it however they like. Here's the info (see posts above). It's worked for us. Maybe or may not work for everybody. Good luck.

Interesting to read how many of you have written that privates are not all they're cracked up to be for many of you.

Perhaps I should look into an advocate or boost with camps over the summer.

ouch....that was not a nice reponse PP.

We have made cuts in other areas and live really like paupers (or "the millionaire next door"). We live "poorer" than most other people we know, but to us, it's important to send her to the private school. For example, we have no tv at home, no internet at home, drive two paid-for cars, I wear the same clothes from Target basically like every day, and we do a lot of things that other people eschewed on the "what cheap things have you seen people do" thread.

That said, I have another friend who lives pretty "high on the hog" and he was saying, "We just couldn't afford private school," and I really had to sit on my hands and bite my tongue not to say anything.

Why exactly would you feel the need to "bite you tongue". Yoor "friend" (I use that term loosely as you seem very judgmental) has made choices on how he wants to live and cannot afford tuition. As a long time private school parent, I can assure you that private school isn't the be all and the end all of existence, and neither you ate your child are better than anyone else for making this choice. Perhaps you ate really jealous of the things he can afford that tuition denies you. Different strokes......

DH and I are both private school lifers but our SN child goes to public school with an IEP. We're happy, school is a perfect "fit" for DS and we don't think a private school, mainstream or SN could be better. I'm a SAHM which would not be possible if DS went to private school and we have a nice lifestyle in terms of commuting (walkable) and housing (fine for our family size), vacations (exotic and frequent). Retirement is maxed out and private college tuition is saved for. Benefit of having old parents. I don't think people should assume private school is always better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP - cutting internet and TV does NOT go very far in increasing affordability. Nor is it realistic. DH sometimes works from home, DD has school projects that require online research and dont say "go to the library"...lets be realistic here. I barely have time to make dinner much less drive kids to library - that is closed some days of the week - sit there while she does her research while still trying to help DS with his homework.

Driving paid for cars - yes, that DOES help. One car is almost paid for so that will help.

Sorry. Just telling you what has worked for us. Can only share what has personally worked for us. Don't know what'll work for you. But no need to get worked up if I just tell you what has worked for us. Good luck.

You're right sorry about the attitude. Just frustrated. that and its cold and rainy....

No worries. I understand. Good luck. I hope you find a better fit that you are happier with. Best of luck.

I think there have been some very thoughtful responses re: personal choices, priorities, no magic solutions, etc.
OP, your post seems to suggest that your main concern is for you DS with SN. Perhaps another way you can approach this is to put some money (not as much as private would cost) into hiring an advocate to help you get more services for your son from MoCo. Maybe you can pay for special tutoring, camps, or other services for him that can make up for things you don't think he is receiving in his current school.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, if you pay private tuition you reduce your savings and/or retirement--no matter what your income. If you spend it somewhere, you can't spend it somewhere else. Each individual family has to set priorities. Myself, I regret the private tuition for one child who would have done as well if not better in public and I am mixed on the second. It was probably the best thing socially, but who really knows. The reality is that we have spent over $300k already on private tuition that could have cone to pay off a mortgage or better fund retirement. I have no magic 8 ball to say whether or not it was the right choice. Good luck with your endeavors.

+1 we can't change what we did bu I so regret spending the money for one because after all the teachers and counselors saying DC would never do well in public, DC is thriving. sometimes I think these people don't tell the truth to keep you in the private school. The other loves their school but it is hard to look at all the that money that was spent. Private is no panacea. It has it's drawbacks such as much smaller social situations, mediocre teachers etc.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks PPs, good points. yes, we are in that $150-275 range.

We rent, so we cant pull equity. And why do we rent? to be honest, we moved do to a "high-rent" area so that DS could go to a top MoCo public...and we cannot afford to buy here as even a shacks go under contract with all cash buyers. We have one typical and one with LDs. Not fair to my "typical" DD to move her again - not when she's about to start high school.

Anyhow, in doing the math - even if we stopped contributing to our 401K - we could still not afford privates.

That's a big range and at the lower end you might qualify for aid, at the upper end probably not. If you are at 275 and renting and would only be sending one kid to private it should be do-able. I can't tell you how since only you know your expenses. I know we did it when we earned at that level (had 2 kids in private but tuitons were lower then).

You need to look at private schools that would suit your child's needs (presumably special needs schools) and see what kind of aid they might offer. If you can prove that they county is failing your child you may qualify for funding, although that is really tough in MoCo these days.

Schools like Lab are slightly higher tuition than regular privates but not extraordinary. Worth looking at Lab although thir fundraising historically has been focused on bringing down overall costs rather than finanical aid since in the old days many kids were funded. That's not the case anymore so they may have a more robust financial aid program.