Anonymous wrote:AA parents here. My DS went to Beauvoir. I wouldn't say any of this until he was gone from there. A couple parents made my DS and myself very uncomfortable. Society types who were always looking to call-out DS and keep their DS away from him and the other AA boys. I never let on to DS that this was an issue, but I was always on pins-and-needles for him there.

Anonymous wrote:Hi All,

I am the OP and I really appreciate your insight and thoughtful responses. It's funny much of what has been said here is how I feel. I often times feel that we have to keep quiet and lay low because the school may find reasons to counsel DC out or they may reduce our FA money to ensure DC won't return. DC is doing extremely well in school (top in class according to teacher) and to be honest no one has ever shared that DC is a behavior problem. However, there have been a few issues that made me think twice about the environment and question the handling of certain situations. It's almost like a battle that can't be won. Where are AA parents educating their AA children specifically boys because to be frank public school isn't much of an option! BTW DC attends a so-called BIG 3 and has been for the last 8 years. These issues are not new just trying to figure out how to get a handle on it before it effects our entire family!

Again thank-you to all that have replied!

Anonymous wrote:... Schools that promote their diversity as a selling point for the school need to retain the students they accept. If a school has a problem doing that, it looks bad for the school. ...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How's your DC treated at his/her independent school? Do you think fairly? Is it easier for boys than girls? Which schools do a good job educating children of color? I've heard varying stories some great and some horrible? Do elite blacks fair better than FA blacks? I know this is like talking about the elephant in the room but I really would like to hear your well thought out views. Please if you can't respond responsibly don't add your input! Just want to hear other parents perspectives of all races.

I am white, but DC attends one private, went to camp at another and I work at a third and here are my impressions:


If a black child is well behaved and does well academically, they will be accepted and gain praise( girl or boy) . I have seen this play out over and over again.

Poor academic performance or bad behavior will be met with compassion at first, and then less and less patience. This is true for white children as well. The difference is : if you get negative feedback at any point, will you "trip on it" and suspect it is because your child is black, when actually it would just be the behavior? The question is : how healthy are your relationships with white people because, if the chips are ever down and you need to trust administrators or teachers, they won't ALWAYS be white, but most of the time they will.

If THAT is a problem for you at your gut level, then look for a school that has more AA Admin ( GDS comes to mind) and where most of the AA families tend to be wealthy, and not the ones on FA so that the road has already been paved for you.

Good luck.


I agree with the PP who said a well-behaved child who is performing academically well will be fine. I would up that and add: extremely well-behaved and an academic super star, particularly if it's a boy on substantial FA.

OP, you asked and you received. These statements are indicative of the culture in private and public schools where there is what I call the 'walking on egg shells' environment for smart black kids so whites will accept them. Note the statements 'if the black child is well-behaved' and 'the extremely well-behaved child who is performing academically will be fine'. Why are all black kids held to a different standard when white kids should WHOLLY be held to the same standard?

And please don't give me crap that I have misunderstood these statements especially the one about being extremely well behaved, etc'. I have not! Maybe if white kids were held to the SAME exceptional standards, there would be no setting schools on fire, boys creating internet sex pages, all-girl schools and all-boy school dances grinding, SAT cheating scandals, drug sales at schools, mean girls/boys who bully, etc. These were all acts done by white kids at private schools and reported in newspapers, radio, etc, and my list is far from complete. Not that black kids don't misbehave but quit acting as white kids are the exception to all misbehaving rules.

Yes, you can say I'm angry. I'm angry because of the double-standard and egg shell walking and defining by posters how black kids should be when most of their kids are NOT extremely well-behaved and academic superior. Before you define how blacks should behave, look to your own house first.

PP, I posted the second reply you quoted. I'm not white. I totally don't believe the double standard is all right. It's a horrible reality; nevertheless, a survival mechanism for some black boys. I've seen wonderful black boys get in over their head due to insignificant foolish that escalates into them being labelled as a problem and/or trouble maker with a learning disability. Small boyish pranks, before you know it, seem to turn into serious offenses according to admin. In addition to being a troublemaker, these problem boys struggle academically more so than their peers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How's your DC treated at his/her independent school? Do you think fairly? Is it easier for boys than girls? Which schools do a good job educating children of color? I've heard varying stories some great and some horrible? Do elite blacks fair better than FA blacks? I know this is like talking about the elephant in the room but I really would like to hear your well thought out views. Please if you can't respond responsibly don't add your input! Just want to hear other parents perspectives of all races.

I am white, but DC attends one private, went to camp at another and I work at a third and here are my impressions:


If a black child is well behaved and does well academically, they will be accepted and gain praise( girl or boy) . I have seen this play out over and over again.

Poor academic performance or bad behavior will be met with compassion at first, and then less and less patience. This is true for white children as well. The difference is : if you get negative feedback at any point, will you "trip on it" and suspect it is because your child is black, when actually it would just be the behavior? The question is : how healthy are your relationships with white people because, if the chips are ever down and you need to trust administrators or teachers, they won't ALWAYS be white, but most of the time they will.

If THAT is a problem for you at your gut level, then look for a school that has more AA Admin ( GDS comes to mind) and where most of the AA families tend to be wealthy, and not the ones on FA so that the road has already been paved for you.

Good luck.


I agree with the PP who said a well-behaved child who is performing academically well will be fine. I would up that and add: extremely well-behaved and an academic super star, particularly if it's a boy on substantial FA.

OP, you asked and you received. These statements are indicative of the culture in private and public schools where there is what I call the 'walking on egg shells' environment for smart black kids so whites will accept them. Note the statements 'if the black child is well-behaved' and 'the extremely well-behaved child who is performing academically will be fine'. Why are all black kids held to a different standard when white kids should WHOLLY be held to the same standard?

And please don't give me crap that I have misunderstood these statements especially the one about being extremely well behaved, etc'. I have not! Maybe if white kids were held to the SAME exceptional standards, there would be no setting schools on fire, boys creating internet sex pages, all-girl schools and all-boy school dances grinding, SAT cheating scandals, drug sales at schools, mean girls/boys who bully, etc. These were all acts done by white kids at private schools and reported in newspapers, radio, etc, and my list is far from complete. Not that black kids don't misbehave but quit acting as white kids are the exception to all misbehaving rules.

Yes, you can say I'm angry. I'm angry because of the double-standard and egg shell walking and defining by posters how black kids should be when most of their kids are NOT extremely well-behaved and academic superior. Before you define how blacks should behave, look to your own house first.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am not sure what you mean by "elite," but both my husband and I are college educated and are working. We are not wealthy by any measure however. We have a nice but small house in Mont. County. We drive two old cars. We get some financial aid but also spend most of the rest of our income on tuition.

My experience has been that the independent schools work hard to recruit diverse classes. They bend over backwards to make sure that a minority child, once admitted, is given every opportunity to succeed. We have never felt that we were treated unfairly. On the contrary sometimes we think that our school is to sensitive to the race issue. For example, my son had some words with a student. It happens all the time. We feel that because the other boy was white, the school elevated it much more than it needed to be. This tiny incident turned into a major thing including sending the other boy before a discplinary board. In other words, the school wanted to make sure that they were protecting my son and wanted to make it clear to us that they had zero tolerance to such things. The thing about it was that apart from the other boys race the words between the 2 had nothing to do with race. yes the other boy started the argument and was being mean. we love the school and understand why they reacted this way but it was an overreaction. if both boys were white it simply would not have been such a big dieal. so to answer your question yes we feel that we have been treated fairly although if there is such a thing, maybe too fairly.

The only other thing I have to add is that some of our friends and family think that being in a basically all-white setting in a private school is somehow "selling out" or betraying our race, whatever the hell that means. It is true that my son has become very comfortable with some very rich kids, who are white or asian or spanish. to be honest i don't even notice such things anymore. It is hard to hide my disgust when somoene close to me says that my son is "acting white" or speaking like a white person. It angers me when my nephews teases my son about the fact that he has as many asian and white friends on Facebook as AA friends. Because of this private school experience he feels comfortable in what is basically another world, at least if your are talking to someone like my uncle. I'm not selling out. I am investing. I'm making sure that my son can do anything and go anywhere in life.

If you are looking at an independent school for your AA child I wish you the best of luck. Education is the key for your sons future and the future of our country and the DC private schools do a great job of providing opportunities for all to get a good education, graduate, go to college and succeed in life.