I like Bethesda a lot but there is something Stepford about it.

I loved Bethesda for all the reasons the OP posted, but I did find a lot of the people off-putting when I lived there. I crossed the river and moved to Vienna. Although, it does not have the nightlife that Bethesda has, the people are so much nicer, and there are still great places to eat, nice parks, a good library, and the schools are great!

VA is way more friendly than MD. As I put it, after living 10 years around Bethesda, and now 10 years in McLean, both places can cause frustration. In Bethesda, it will be that you cannot find a parking space, and when you finally do, a pinched and overly made-up woman of below natural BMI, thoroughly coiffed hair, and driving an obscenely expensive car will cut right in front of you to steal it, flipping you off if you complain. In McLean, you will see a parking space but won't be able to get to it because there is a person who looks way too old to still have a drivers license trying to slowly navigate a 1972 Cadillac in front of you. If you complain, they look at you in genuine surprise as they are on their own universe. I prefer the latter. It's a lot less rude. So I am a happy convert to VA from MD. This analogy carries over to everything ... including neighbors. VA is simply more polite.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK hate is a little strong. We have lived here three years and our neighbors are so unfriendly! Everyone is so busy/important. I have lived all over the world, so I am comfortable moving to a new place etc.

I love: the schools, the libraries, the pools, the parks, the metros, the commute to work, great shopping, access to nature, the safety/low crime.

But: I feel like I am bringing my kids up in a really unfriendly materialistic environment.

I know this is probably just life outside a major city. But the idea of staying here for 15 years really gets me down.

Anyone have advice? Should I just "bloom where I am planted" or try to make a change?

Lot's of good feedback here, but I live in the SE Washington Ghetto. We don't have pools, parks that are safe or libraries that are open more than about three hours per week. We don't go in them anyway, could get mugged or worse. Oh, and the schools are such that you all in Bethesda would not step foot on the grounds without fear for you lives. I'm so sorry that your kids are living in an unfriendly, materialistic environment. You chose it for them. Come live ghetto love and you won't whine so much.

You're wrong. SE DC has three of most beautiful libraries in the city. The DC library system has hired architects from as far away as London to redesign the libraries into showpiece community facilities. The goal is for every library in the city to be completely rebuilt. In SE they are open until 5:30 or 9PM depending on the day. And the parks are plenty safe. Schools in Upper NW like St. Albans play ice hockey and run in Fort Dupont Park in SE.

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I am interested that you moved from Bethesda to SS. Can you elaborate on why?

How do you find the schools? I am not concerned about ES and not really about HS, but I have heard some scary things about MS -- violence, bullying etc.

We moved for the reasons cited in this thread - we felt there was no sense of community, no "there" there, and that the overall materialistic values of the area would have an adverse impact on our family and kids.

We like the schools in Silver Spring. Our kids are in HS and MS now and we have liked all of their schools along the way. We love our neighborhood, community, church - our kids are growing up with a real sense of place and community.

Anonymous wrote:OK hate is a little strong. We have lived here three years and our neighbors are so unfriendly! Everyone is so busy/important. I have lived all over the world, so I am comfortable moving to a new place etc.

I love: the schools, the libraries, the pools, the parks, the metros, the commute to work, great shopping, access to nature, the safety/low crime.

But: I feel like I am bringing my kids up in a really unfriendly materialistic environment.

I know this is probably just life outside a major city. But the idea of staying here for 15 years really gets me down.

Anyone have advice? Should I just "bloom where I am planted" or try to make a change?

Lot's of good feedback here, but I live in the SE Washington Ghetto. We don't have pools, parks that are safe or libraries that are open more than about three hours per week. We don't go in them anyway, could get mugged or worse. Oh, and the schools are such that you all in Bethesda would not step foot on the grounds without fear for you lives. I'm so sorry that your kids are living in an unfriendly, materialistic environment. You chose it for them. Come live ghetto love and you won't whine so much.

OP, I'm sorry you're feeling disconnected. To some degree it's a crapshoot moving into a neighborhood but I will say that when we were choosing between VA and MD I just couldn't see myself getting close to anyone in Bethesda. I won't go into detail because I don't want to bash but my impressions mirror your experiences. I'll tell you that it doesn't have to be that way. We moved to Arlington 2 years ago and people have gone out of their way to welcome us. Neighbors, families at school, folks at the pool have all been so welcoming and frankly FUN!

One idea for you: have you thought about hosting a low key gathering? Maybe invite one immediate neighbors or a couple of families from the school over for dinner...nothing fancy. Despite what I shared and your experiences so far, you might be pleasantly surprised. Good luck!

Try living in a less lawyer filled neighborhood

I am in a similar situation OP (VA not MD). I know what you are saying. It is not you, believe me. It is the area. Too many p*ssing contests by the unhappy (not that they would admit it). Try to surround yourself with positive. You are not alone.

Anonymous wrote:I'm in Bethesda and I agree, I love everything but my neighbors. I refer to them as the mean girls. I have absolutely no idea what we did to piss them off, but they are just mean. Luckily, I have found some super nice people in the neighborhood which has taken the focus off the mean girls and has helped me put those few sad people into perspective. It does take time to find the nice ones, but worth it!

+1

I'm in Bethesda and I agree, I love everything but my neighbors. I refer to them as the mean girls. I have absolutely no idea what we did to piss them off, but they are just mean. Luckily, I have found some super nice people in the neighborhood which has taken the focus off the mean girls and has helped me put those few sad people into perspective. It does take time to find the nice ones, but worth it!

In another thread, people were complaining about neighbors who hung around on their porches. I would love to go hang around with my neighbors and drink a beer. Tonight I am going out but I will be driving close to 30 mins. and will fight to find parking to meet some friends who also drove in from 30 mins away etc. I have to accept that this is life in the suburbs though, and not as you said, keep replaying the sitcom in my head. I just feel there has to be more. I really do long for a sense of community.

If this kind of small-town feel is what you're after, it doesn't exist in most of Bethesda. There are pockets that are like this, and you have to search them out--Kensington, Takoma Park, maybe Glen Echo or parts of Cabin John (at least there used to be). There are some pockets like this in Virginia too--Del Ray is one. [Can't say about Clarendon--Arlington's changed so far, so fast, and it's been so long since I've lived there I don't know anymore.]

You just have to do your homework to find them, and be willing to accept them with whatever other warts they may have.


BTW, McMansion poster, I apologize for stereotyping you. I'm sure there are lots of nice neighborly big-house dwellers. Among the ones in my neighborhood, though, nothing close to the front-porch, back-fence feel that OP is looking for exists, and I don't know those folks well enough to say anything more about them. I only see their cars; I never see them outdoors or around the 'hood. I admit, though, most neighbors could say the same about me.

Anonymous wrote:

Bethesda is full of JAPs and women with too much plastic surgery. Both places have the same exact stores, but isn't filled with women in those horrible white-stitch jeans, heels and little dogs.

OK, this is just anti-semitic. There are lots of Jews in Bethesda (like me) and that's one of the things I like about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think Bethesda in terms of walkability, low crime, proximity to DC, etc is very much like Clarendon. After having lived in both areas, I find Clarendon to be much less snobby. People are not materialistic and flashy like parts of Bethesda--even with similar socioeconomic factors. People on this side of the river tend to be much friendlier and not 'keep up with jones' type'. Majority of people would never choose private, but are proud of their public schools and the families that do go private ate just as socialable and down-to-earth. This is why we made the move.

Bethesda is far more interesting than Clarendon, and people are more honest about who they are. Clarendon is awash with people who speak just like this poster. It's a cult of people who feel this incessant need to proclaim how modest and down-to-earth they are, while they turn Arlington into a bland Upper Caucasia with no good food.

Bethesda is full of JAPs and women with too much plastic surgery. Both places have the same exact stores, but isn't filled with women in those horrible white-stitch jeans, heels and little dogs.

Anonymous wrote:I think Bethesda in terms of walkability, low crime, proximity to DC, etc is very much like Clarendon. After having lived in both areas, I find Clarendon to be much less snobby. People are not materialistic and flashy like parts of Bethesda--even with similar socioeconomic factors. People on this side of the river tend to be much friendlier and not 'keep up with jones' type'. Majority of people would never choose private, but are proud of their public schools and the families that do go private ate just as socialable and down-to-earth. This is why we made the move.

Bethesda is far more interesting than Clarendon, and people are more honest about who they are. Clarendon is awash with people who speak just like this poster. It's a cult of people who feel this incessant need to proclaim how modest and down-to-earth they are, while they turn Arlington into a bland Upper Caucasia with no good food.