he doesn't care when i gain weight. He HATES when I complain about it.

Wow! So has your marriage recovered???

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I weighed 118 when we got married at 5'6" and now weight about 178. My husband hates it and always says stuff. He had an affair with a woman to spite me .. and she was also overweight so I didn't get it.

Yes, I weighed 118 when we got married at 5'6" and now weight about 178. My husband hates it and always says stuff. He had an affair with a woman to spite me .. and she was also overweight so I didn't get it.

He doesn't seem to care one way or another. After 3 years of marriage, I weighed 45 pounds more than I did when we met. I was really down on myself, but he never EVER made any kind of a negative remark. I think he is lik the DH PP - it bothered him that I was negative.

Even as i lose weight, he doesn't say much until I bring it up. (I am now back to the weight I was when we met). I realize he just doesn't care about my weight as much as I do. No one does.

My DH is the opposite of many PPs'. He likes it better when I'm about 15 lbs over where I like to be (have experienced this twice in recent history with the birth of my two kids). When I complain about it, he tells me I'm being ridiculous. When I watch what I eat and work out, he asks me if I'm planning to starve myself until I weigh nothing. He'll comment on my weight loss like "you're shrinking to nothing!" rather than telling me he thinks I look better than before. I focus on being healthy and worked hard to lose all the baby weight both times because I wasn't happy with how I looked or felt (not to mention the closet full of clothes I couldn't fit into!). I think it's not so much that he wants me to be fat, but that he has struggled with his own weight and is insecure that I would still be happy with him if I looked fit and trim. But I definitely would be, and I tell him that all the time. On one hand I love that he will love me regardless of how I look, but on the other hand sometimes it comes off as him being unsupportive.

Anonymous wrote:DH here.

You putting on a few extra pounds doesn't bother me nearly as much as you going on about how unhappy it makes you and how you're going to diet. When you do this in front of our daughters, I get really upset. But I hold me tongue.

So, it's not your physical appearance that bothers me but your attitude about it.

I am pretty sure this is my DH's attitude, too. My issues with my weight are not about my size at all, they are about feeling gross or out of control or whatever other stories our society (and my family) told about being fat. I have always been larger than many men would find attractive at 6 feet tall, so I don't doubt that DH loves me and finds me attractive. I do know that he dislikes seeing and hearing me beat myself up and would prefer (like a man ) that I "just do something about it" if it's "really bothering me." Weight is easy to handle, the voices in the head, not so much.

My husband says nothing. He sees how if affects me and is supportive of any changes I am willing to make, but he doesn't directly speak to my weight. Honestly, as long as we are still having sex, he is ok with it. That said, me gaining weight makes me feel less attractive and less willing to have sex, that is when it becomes a problem.

I'm 5'8 and over the course of our 10+ yrs together I have gained quite a bit of weight. I was around 165/size 12 when we met. I was about 185, size 14/16 when we married. After 2 pregnancies, I ballooned up to over 250. I lost some after each pregnancy but it creeped back and I maxed out at 255 in a size 20 that was tight. I recently lost 30 lbs and am in a size 18 now. I would love to lose another 50 but I think 30 is more realistic. So in all, I've gained 80-85 lbs since we met but have dropped 30 of that. Holy shitballs.

Men like me the way I am - kinda FAT. If I gain a little weight, I am still kinda fat. No one cares or no one has cared.

Anonymous wrote:OP here: yea, this is totally embarrassing but I have gained a lot of weight. I was 125 (I am 5'6") when we started dating (very fit). When I turned 30 I was at my (then highest) 150. But still like a 4, sometimes 6. I worked out a lot.

Got preggs went up to 200. Had the kid went down to 155...and then I have gained like 10 lbs/year for the last year. Which puts me where I am now at 190 or so.

So, short answer...I have gained 45 lbs since just after we got married 5 years ago. OMG...THAT IS SO BAD. I have not sat down and thought about it like that.

I'm 5"6" and 170 and need to lose about 20 pounds, so I can relate.

10:57 again - he still wants to bang me frequently, though. On the other hand, his big old beer gut and lack of control when it comes to crappy food and beer makes me MUCH less attracted to him.

I am the third friend. DH has struggled with weight and we go out of our way to support each other in being as healthy as we can. I was 120 before getting pregnant. Gained 40+ pounds and could not get rid of the last 10. In the past year I've gained an additional 10 or 12. I am not technically overweight but I am not happy with how I look either. DH doesn't try to tell me I'm crazy but also does't make me feel bad about myself. He still thinks I am beautiful but supports my efforts to drop 15 pounds and feel better about myself. Best of both worlds.

You crack me up!

Anonymous wrote:he doesn't say anything, until I get on him about his horrid eating and drinking habits which have caused him to gain 40+ lbs. Then he deflects and says "but your eating and workout habits suck, too!"

Yeah, but jackass, I can still fit in a size 6. Vanity sizing or not, on NO planet does that make me a fatass! I may not be comfortable with a little extra weight on me nor do I even attempt to go out in a bathing suit, but I know for damn sure I don't have a beer gut that makes me look like a pregnant man.

yeah, truly healthy relationship ;P

he doesn't say anything, until I get on him about his horrid eating and drinking habits which have caused him to gain 40+ lbs. Then he deflects and says "but your eating and workout habits suck, too!"

Yeah, but jackass, I can still fit in a size 6. Vanity sizing or not, on NO planet does that make me a fatass! I may not be comfortable with a little extra weight on me nor do I even attempt to go out in a bathing suit, but I know for damn sure I don't have a beer gut that makes me look like a pregnant man.

yeah, truly healthy relationship ;P

DH again (me and my typos)..gained 10/lbs year for 4 years

My husband jokes about my weight. He is honest about it in a joking kind of way, and he will make comments like "a bit more junk in the trunk lately?". I have never taken it personally and what he says doesn't bother me a bit. But I think it's because I'm naturally thin and have never struggled with weight. I look in the mirror and can see that I still look good. 5 lbs more or less doesn't detract from that.

I suspect I will have a different reaction if I had issues with my weight.