Anonymous wrote:I do not have a teenager, but really this is not where I want tax money to schools or police to be going towards. If it gets out of control, maybe the police should get involved, but we do not have the money to police every poorly written or mean comment on the web. Unless it happens on school property, I don't want the schools involved. Can you imagine if someone had to police this forum? Can't we just teach or children not to like people who talk bad about others? Situation solved. The mean guy doesn't have followers anymore.

Oh that's all we had to do? Well, while we're at it, just teach them to stay away from drugs and no sex till marriage. Well, that was easy. On to world hunger and global warming!

I do not have a teenager, but really this is not where I want tax money to schools or police to be going towards. If it gets out of control, maybe the police should get involved, but we do not have the money to police every poorly written or mean comment on the web. Unless it happens on school property, I don't want the schools involved. Can you imagine if someone had to police this forum? Can't we just teach or children not to like people who talk bad about others? Situation solved. The mean guy doesn't have followers anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree w PP. Report the incident to the school. Possibly follow-up with a report to the police. If nothing else, the kid will be alerted that adults are involved. And the guilty kid's parents will realize that their kid is a bully. It is amazing what a gentle shot-across-the-bow can do to modify behavior. And do NOT underestimate the damage to the victim. Both the police and the school have an obligation to investigate.

The police are going to politely laugh at you. They could care less if someone is talking about someone else in a chat room. This is no different than kids talking about each other on a playground, on a street corner, or over the phone. But use the term "cyberbullying" and everyone panics and thinks its the end of the world.

I beg to differ. They will investigate. Cyber crime is one of the fastest growing areas. Police are getting much better at examining this behavior. And I agree with a poster after your comment - you sound EXACTLY like the parent of a bully - with your head buried firmly up your ass.

Most schools have cyber bullying policy. Take it to the school.

Anonymous wrote:22:56, if I am just chatting to my friends, "OMG Jane is a slut," big deal.

But if I organize a Facebook group called "Jane is a slut," encourage my friends to harass Jane (sending unwanted texts, emails, messages, etc.), and otherwise actively organize ways to make Jane miserable ... *that* to me is different.

Of course that is different to you. You are a mean girl.

OP, tell Amanda to get screenshots of the chat room bullying. She should make copies of them to give to Kate and have a face-to-face conversation with Kate. Amanda should tell Kate that the bullying has greatly upset her daughter and must stop immediately or you will be forced to take the matter further (school, police, lawsuit). I like to give the parent a chance to parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree w PP. Report the incident to the school. Possibly follow-up with a report to the police. If nothing else, the kid will be alerted that adults are involved. And the guilty kid's parents will realize that their kid is a bully. It is amazing what a gentle shot-across-the-bow can do to modify behavior. And do NOT underestimate the damage to the victim. Both the police and the school have an obligation to investigate.

The police are going to politely laugh at you. They could care less if someone is talking about someone else in a chat room. This is no different than kids talking about each other on a playground, on a street corner, or over the phone. But use the term "cyberbullying" and everyone panics and thinks its the end of the world.

You sound like a parent of a bully.

Or at least not the parent of a kid over the age of 10.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree w PP. Report the incident to the school. Possibly follow-up with a report to the police. If nothing else, the kid will be alerted that adults are involved. And the guilty kid's parents will realize that their kid is a bully. It is amazing what a gentle shot-across-the-bow can do to modify behavior. And do NOT underestimate the damage to the victim. Both the police and the school have an obligation to investigate.

The police are going to politely laugh at you. They could care less if someone is talking about someone else in a chat room. This is no different than kids talking about each other on a playground, on a street corner, or over the phone. But use the term "cyberbullying" and everyone panics and thinks its the end of the world.

You sound like a parent of a bully.

22:56, if I am just chatting to my friends, "OMG Jane is a slut," big deal.

But if I organize a Facebook group called "Jane is a slut," encourage my friends to harass Jane (sending unwanted texts, emails, messages, etc.), and otherwise actively organize ways to make Jane miserable ... *that* to me is different.

Anonymous wrote:I agree w PP. Report the incident to the school. Possibly follow-up with a report to the police. If nothing else, the kid will be alerted that adults are involved. And the guilty kid's parents will realize that their kid is a bully. It is amazing what a gentle shot-across-the-bow can do to modify behavior. And do NOT underestimate the damage to the victim. Both the police and the school have an obligation to investigate.

The police are going to politely laugh at you. They could care less if someone is talking about someone else in a chat room. This is no different than kids talking about each other on a playground, on a street corner, or over the phone. But use the term "cyberbullying" and everyone panics and thinks its the end of the world.

I agree w PP. Report the incident to the school. Possibly follow-up with a report to the police. If nothing else, the kid will be alerted that adults are involved. And the guilty kid's parents will realize that their kid is a bully. It is amazing what a gentle shot-across-the-bow can do to modify behavior. And do NOT underestimate the damage to the victim. Both the police and the school have an obligation to investigate.

Anonymous wrote:Between the schools and parents, for the most part these issues ought to be handled by parents. Schools will get involved when there is an effect in school but it is a tricky line for them to monitor and they really should not be seen as general policing authority for behavior that occurs outside of school. My sense is that schools often get involved when they shouldn't at the behest of parents who don't want to take the responsibility but schools have a lot to do without trying to monitor social media or playground behavior outside of school. That said, there are clearly times when it becomes the school's responsibility to intervene, though it really should not be to get people to behave better or because the parents are unwilling to get involved.

I understand what you are saying and I agree that it is a serious gray area.

We can debate all day about whether it is the within the school's purview to police outside behavior that has an in school impact. I have seen a private school suspend students for an off-campus fight. I did not agree with it but I understood why - the officials were concerned that the fight would spill over into and continue at the school and so they wanted the participants to stay home until cooler heads prevailed.

So...to me...if a school gets involved to try to prevent an issue that could spill over into school (which is always the case in a cyber bullying situation), I am inclined to give the benefit of the doubt. In this case, if other students are teasing the girl at school because of stuff being said in the chat room, I could understand the school trying to intervene.

Anonymous wrote:But its not at the lunch room or the bus stop. Its on the Internet because kids can be badder and bolder when they are behind a keyboard.

If you keep the kid out of the places where she is bullied then she won't be bullied. Many of these kids cannot resist the drama and they keep going back to where the (what they call) bullying occurs.

Read the OP's post again.

Amanda's DD is NOT in the place where the kids are saying things about her. The boy is saying things about her in chat room and and her friends are telling her what he is saying. So your "solution" would not work.

Anyways, whether you want to admit it or not, it is the boy's behavior that should be addressed.

Between the schools and parents, for the most part these issues ought to be handled by parents. Schools will get involved when there is an effect in school but it is a tricky line for them to monitor and they really should not be seen as general policing authority for behavior that occurs outside of school. My sense is that schools often get involved when they shouldn't at the behest of parents who don't want to take the responsibility but schools have a lot to do without trying to monitor social media or playground behavior outside of school. That said, there are clearly times when it becomes the school's responsibility to intervene, though it really should not be to get people to behave better or because the parents are unwilling to get involved.

Kids mention other kidsand bully those kids even if they aren't online. I've had students tell their friends what other kids were saying about them online.