Hospital chaplain here. Everyone grieves differently, and there are many, many adults who do not ever choose to attend wakes. A 14 yo child can be given a choice, and then supported in whatever she chooses. She will grieve in her own way, as we all do.

Never force a child to attend a wake or a funeral. There are many ways for people to say goodbye and to celebrate the life of a loved one.

PP, yes! it is her great grandmother's body! Not just "some dead corpse" and she is vehemently opposing going to the wake. If she is going to the funeral, everyone there is going to be sad and she will be sitting there totally emotionless like this is just another day in her life.

You are absolutely in the wrong here.

Your daughter, just like all other human beings, is entitled her emotions and (within reason) reactions and expression of those emotions. It's disrespectful that she didn't cry?!?! Are you kidding me?

And you're upset she doesn't want to go see a dead body ?

If this is real, you are pretty messed up.

I don't think it is disrespectful but I would be concerned she might regret it later as it is her last chance to see her. Ask her to accompany you to the wake and explain that she can choose once she is there to go into the room where the wake is held or to sit in a reception area.

Also let her know in advance if at the funeral service itself the casket will be open or not.

Seeing a body in a casket finalizes things and she may not be ready to deal with that yet.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, she has seen bodies on TV. She watches horror movies like there is no tomorrow, which is why I dont buy the whole "Its too much to handle". She knows that people die. She isnt 2. I guess I just wish she would grow up and show some respect for her family at this tough time.

OP . Leave your daughter alone.

I was 14 when my grandfather died and I begged not to go to the wake. I had been to one before and it really disturbed me. I didn't want my last memories of my grandfather (who was like a father to me) to be dead in a coffin. My mom made me go and I was so upset that I skipped the funeral the next day. I regret not going to the funeral but I wished my mother hadn't made me go to the wake. By that age, your child should know herself well enough to make that choice.

No way in hell is this real.

It sounds like she is actually having trouble dealing with this. Instead of talking to her about respect, sit down and talk to her about her feelings. Explain that going to a wake can be difficult, but it often is also gives you a way of saying goodbye. And it often helps to be around other people that loved the deceased.

But I wouldn't push her. Let her deal with the death in her own way.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, she has seen bodies on TV. She watches horror movies like there is no tomorrow, which is why I dont buy the whole "Its too much to handle". She knows that people die. She isnt 2. I guess I just wish she would grow up and show some respect for her family at this tough time.

You need to grow up. Seeing a dead body - real or fake on tv is far different than someone you loved and cared for. Don't force her to see the body. You may need to to say goodbye, but she does not and let her morn/grieve in her own way. Don't scar her for life by forcing her to see something she is expressing discomfort with. It is just as much about her as it is you and the rest of your family. You make me grateful for my mom who fought several battles refusing to let us see relatives dead and it was the right choice for us.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, she has seen bodies on TV. She watches horror movies like there is no tomorrow, which is why I dont buy the whole "Its too much to handle". She knows that people die. She isnt 2. I guess I just wish she would grow up and show some respect for her family at this tough time.

They aren't real people. They aren't her family. She doesn't grieve for the people on a screen, OP. She's 14 -- she isn't an adult.

I don't understand your animosity to a young teen who is grieving. Where is your compassion, understanding and respect for her? As others have pointed out.. people don't all grieve the same. Let your daughter deal with this however she has to.

OP just because she does not grieve the way you want her to does not mean she is being disrespectful. I dislike crying in front of people and otherwise being sad in a group setting. Grief is very private for some people. Please, respect your daughter.

I think you should respect your daughter's decisions. Everyone morns differently. I would not want to see a dead body either. Not every one crys. She may see death differently than you. It was grandma's time to go. She may have said her goodbye and is at peace with it.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, she has seen bodies on TV. She watches horror movies like there is no tomorrow, which is why I dont buy the whole "Its too much to handle". She knows that people die. She isnt 2. I guess I just wish she would grow up and show some respect for her family at this tough time.

You don't have a clue and you're ridiculously insensitive to your daughter.

OP,
Have you tried talking to her like an adult, telling her you know she might feel uncomfortable, you appreciate her writing a speech, and it means a lot if she goes, she might regret not going, etc.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, she has seen bodies on TV. She watches horror movies like there is no tomorrow, which is why I dont buy the whole "Its too much to handle". She knows that people die. She isnt 2. I guess I just wish she would grow up and show some respect for her family at this tough time.

Completely different. I don't think she is being disrespectful.