Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of a special needs kid, I have to admit that I wonder about this. Everybody loves to talk about the SP kid that went on to do great things. Fine, I'm happy for them. But is this typical or is it rare? I've never seen data showing the distribution of how these things end up. A few feel good stories doesn't make me think all is going to be okay for my kid. I wish I knew what typically happens to these kids.

Totally agree. I have a dc with anxiety, adhd and learning disabilities and already he plans on living with us forever. I keep telling him he is going to have to work but I can't imagine him in a career. I had a cousin (would be about 65 if he were still alive). If born today, he probably would be classified as HFA but he never got help for his "issues." He bounced around a lot of jobs and then found a small pharmacist owned drug store and got a job there. He was the delivery person and did various other tasks. The owner really looked out for him and would call relatives if there was a problem. I was a child at the time but now I realize just how special that store owner was to take my cousin under his wing.

YES, I realize an anecdote isn't data, but I have a similar story with my brother. He is 35, has pronounced ADHD-inattentive and was never actually "accommodated" (because he's 35, and there was no IDEA-504-IEP matrix). He's also bright as hell, and he also self-medicates with alcohol. He's also super handsome (relevant for landing jobs, let's admit).

His story: A new job every 12-18 mos. Let go or fired or right-sized out of every job he's had. Forgets to show up, can't deliver on projects, can't complete multi-step tasks. Protracted periods of unemployment because he is paralyzed. then depression, then drinking and sleeping until noon.

Then a new job, which he loses in 13 months because he doesn't deliver and forgets to do key things. Then fiance dumps him. More drinking, collection agency calls, more paralysis.


Finally, a family friend just like the guy in ^^^ PPs story hears about brother, creates job for brother, and practically holds his hand 5 days a week to get that job done. If brother slips up, family friend kicks his ass verbally like Tony Soprano and makes him shape up. If brother doesn't show up for work one day, family friend drives to his apartment and bangs on door and puts unshowered brother into his car and drives him to office himself.

Brother is slowly paying down debt, and has ADHD meds for 1st time in his life and ADHD counseling (thanks for health insurance for the 1st time in 5 years).

Although I am well aware this is just one story, I bet it's incredibly common. I deeply believe these adhd-FAIL people require life-long hand holding, in the form of a parent, spouse, etc. My brother's therapist, incidentally, readily agrees.

I'm that person, OP. The truth is what happens is that I've never held a job for two years (except one), I get fired a lot, I spend a lot of time outside of my office crying into my phone, and .... I just struggle a hell of a lot. When I get home at the end of every day I am mentally exhausted, because my mind has just spent 8 hours racing to keep up and avoid looking stupid/asking stupid questions, etc.

But, I am 36 and have spent a lot of time learning what came intuitively for others, so I know which directions I need to write down, know to always walk into my boss's office with a pad of paper and pen, how much to talk in meetings, to prioritize and meet deadlines, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of a special needs kid, I have to admit that I wonder about this. Everybody loves to talk about the SP kid that went on to do great things. Fine, I'm happy for them. But is this typical or is it rare? I've never seen data showing the distribution of how these things end up. A few feel good stories doesn't make me think all is going to be okay for my kid. I wish I knew what typically happens to these kids.

Totally agree. I have a dc with anxiety, adhd and learning disabilities and already he plans on living with us forever. I keep telling him he is going to have to work but I can't imagine him in a career. I had a cousin (would be about 65 if he were still alive). If born today, he probably would be classified as HFA but he never got help for his "issues." He bounced around a lot of jobs and then found a small pharmacist owned drug store and got a job there. He was the delivery person and did various other tasks. The owner really looked out for him and would call relatives if there was a problem. I was a child at the time but now I realize just how special that store owner was to take my cousin under his wing.

I'm curious about this - are all the conditions for which kids receive accommodations in school - anxiety, ADHD, learing disabilities, etc. - also covered under the ADA (so that employers also would be required to provide accommodations, albeit not the same accommodations)? Or are there some special needs that are addressed as a child that are not ADA disabilities?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mean they once became President.

He left office in 2009 .

ba-bump.

Actually twice became president, since he was re-elected.

There are suspicions that Lincoln also has LDs but of course that was the era before accomodations.

Anonymous wrote:You mean they once became President.

He left office in 2009 .

ba-bump.

Anonymous wrote:I think it all depends on work ethic. Students who have to worker harder, study longer, and learn more about their disability so that they can compensate will fare better than the student who uses a disability as an excuse. This also goes for parents who want specific accommodations that limit their child with the opportunities to practice, fail, and improve.

I agree with this. One of my DDs strengths is that she's learned that she has to work twice as hard to get to the same place. She knows how to compensate for her LDs. Yes, there are fields that are probably not appropriate for her, but she has chosen one that we think she is well suited for. Still in college so can't report on success just yet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of a special needs kid, I have to admit that I wonder about this. Everybody loves to talk about the SP kid that went on to do great things. Fine, I'm happy for them. But is this typical or is it rare? I've never seen data showing the distribution of how these things end up. A few feel good stories doesn't make me think all is going to be okay for my kid. I wish I knew what typically happens to these kids.

Totally agree. I have a dc with anxiety, adhd and learning disabilities and already he plans on living with us forever. I keep telling him he is going to have to work but I can't imagine him in a career. I had a cousin (would be about 65 if he were still alive). If born today, he probably would be classified as HFA but he never got help for his "issues." He bounced around a lot of jobs and then found a small pharmacist owned drug store and got a job there. He was the delivery person and did various other tasks. The owner really looked out for him and would call relatives if there was a problem. I was a child at the time but now I realize just how special that store owner was to take my cousin under his wing.

I hope your kids will learn to cope. There are many ways to define success. Maybe your kid won't excel in an academic environment, but he or she would like to garden or cook or be a plumber and will go on to be happy and successful in a field that is more hands on.

I think it all depends on work ethic. Students who have to worker harder, study longer, and learn more about their disability so that they can compensate will fare better than the student who uses a disability as an excuse. This also goes for parents who want specific accommodations that limit their child with the opportunities to practice, fail, and improve.

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of a special needs kid, I have to admit that I wonder about this. Everybody loves to talk about the SP kid that went on to do great things. Fine, I'm happy for them. But is this typical or is it rare? I've never seen data showing the distribution of how these things end up. A few feel good stories doesn't make me think all is going to be okay for my kid. I wish I knew what typically happens to these kids.

Totally agree. I have a dc with anxiety, adhd and learning disabilities and already he plans on living with us forever. I keep telling him he is going to have to work but I can't imagine him in a career. I had a cousin (would be about 65 if he were still alive). If born today, he probably would be classified as HFA but he never got help for his "issues." He bounced around a lot of jobs and then found a small pharmacist owned drug store and got a job there. He was the delivery person and did various other tasks. The owner really looked out for him and would call relatives if there was a problem. I was a child at the time but now I realize just how special that store owner was to take my cousin under his wing.

As a parent of a special needs kid, I have to admit that I wonder about this. Everybody loves to talk about the SP kid that went on to do great things. Fine, I'm happy for them. But is this typical or is it rare? I've never seen data showing the distribution of how these things end up. A few feel good stories doesn't make me think all is going to be okay for my kid. I wish I knew what typically happens to these kids.

There is a difference between lazy and special needs.

Part of growing up is determining your strengths and weaknesses, and figuring out how you work best, and then setting yourself up for success.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't want to include too many details, but I do want to add that I have worked with other college grads who were amazing. Two years ago one woman was placed with me that we all adored. She was an amazing employee and everyone in the department lobbied for her to get hired permanently. So I don't think it the current generation.

Ah, well then - two experiences in two years. Good to draw broad conclusions from that and question the long term prospects of all kids receiving accomodations.

Anonymous wrote:I am a professor at a good liberal arts college. Every semester I receive notice from the dean's office that a small number of students need extra time on tests/papers. In almost every case, I never hear or think about the issue again. I think that by the time students have been admitted to a competitive college most have developed compensating strategies and organizational skills. Also most do not want to draw attention to themselves and probably work hard to succeed. On very rare occasions I notice that a student does indeed need more time or is consistently distracted or disorganized. However, more often these are student with no documented issue--maybe something is going on in their lives, maybe their having too much fun in college, maybe they have been relying on their smarts and are a little overwhelmed with the freedom and greater demands in college (which, of course, will only become greater in real life). My point is that, in my experience, giving kids the support they need tends to work and lead to independence. But sometimes a person--any person--may encounter new demands and feel overwhelmed.

Wow, I wish my DD were at your college.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't want to include too many details, but I do want to add that I have worked with other college grads who were amazing. Two years ago one woman was placed with me that we all adored. She was an amazing employee and everyone in the department lobbied for her to get hired permanently. So I don't think it the current generation.

Uh, maybe people are different?

OP here. I didn't want to include too many details, but I do want to add that I have worked with other college grads who were amazing. Two years ago one woman was placed with me that we all adored. She was an amazing employee and everyone in the department lobbied for her to get hired permanently. So I don't think it the current generation.