Anonymous
Post 12/12/2012 17:24     Subject: Vent - DD's classmate's mother just called to ask me to invite her kid to my kid's bday party
WOW
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2012 17:07     Subject: Vent - DD's classmate's mother just called to ask me to invite her kid to my kid's bday party
Anonymous wrote:What a crazy policy! What kind of school dictates who a family can socialize with on their own time?


READ the post. It's not a "policy," it's a suggestion that most parents take seriously.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2012 17:07     Subject: Vent - DD's classmate's mother just called to ask me to invite her kid to my kid's bday party
Anonymous wrote:OP please make sure your DD does not mention to the other kids what the mother of this girl did. It will cause the child to become embarrassed. Out of curiosity were most of the other girls in the class invited? If so, I can see how the feelings of the other child were hurt.


Agreed, but honestly I don't see any reason why OP should even tell her daughter than this happened.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2012 17:06     Subject: Vent - DD's classmate's mother just called to ask me to invite her kid to my kid's bday party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For the sake of harmony, my kids' school has an unwritten but very strong birthday party norm in the lower school that if you're inviting more than 3 kids of a particular gender in a particular class, you have to invite them all. That is: you can decide to have a dinner with your three closest friends only, but you can't invite six out of the eight third grade girls, or 10 out of fifteen boys. I actually think this is a pretty good norm (and just enforced it with my DD, who wanted to invite 13 out of 15 girls to her 10th bday party). OP, is it possible that your school also has some such norm, or that the other mom came from a school with such a norm? If so, perhaps she formed the impression, from her daughter, that your daughter had singled hers out for exclusion, and thought you might not have realized....

I agree, it's really awkward, and I would never tell anyone they "should" invite my child to something. But I feel bad for the girl, who may have felt very excluded, rightly or wrongly. Once or twice this has happened to one of my kids -- once, for instance, a parent had booked an end of year party at a place with very strict space limits, and only invited six of the nine girls in my DD's class. My DD didn't get invited because she just didn't know the hostess as well as the other kids... but boy did she feel left out.


What kind of school are your kids at where they think they can force you to invite every child in the class to your home for a party? Has the world gone completely insane? Is this Alexandria Country Day School by any chance?


No, not Alexandria Country Day. The school doesn't "force" anyone to do anything -- it suggests that parents do this, and in my experience most are extremely happy to do this. I think things obviously change when kids are older, but for a bunch of six or seven year olds, most parents understand that it's cruel to exclude one or two children from a party that everyone else goes to.


Good lord. I guess I won't be hosting birthday parties then. I'm supposed to pay for food and entertainment for every single kid in my DS's grade when he gets to that point, and open my home to 25+ kids? When did we get to the point where we teach our children that their feelings should never be hurt? I got excluded from parties as a kid and managed to survive.
.


Guess that's why you're so bitter and angry as an adult.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2012 17:05     Subject: Vent - DD's classmate's mother just called to ask me to invite her kid to my kid's bday party
What a crazy policy! What kind of school dictates who a family can socialize with on their own time?
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2012 16:59     Subject: Vent - DD's classmate's mother just called to ask me to invite her kid to my kid's bday party
OP please make sure your DD does not mention to the other kids what the mother of this girl did. It will cause the child to become embarrassed. Out of curiosity were most of the other girls in the class invited? If so, I can see how the feelings of the other child were hurt.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2012 16:56     Subject: Vent - DD's classmate's mother just called to ask me to invite her kid to my kid's bday party
I think that's a very good norm- it doesn't force anyone to do anything, but it pushes children to consider the feelings of others, and the impact on a small community of creating exclusive groups.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2012 16:49     Subject: Vent - DD's classmate's mother just called to ask me to invite her kid to my kid's bday party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For the sake of harmony, my kids' school has an unwritten but very strong birthday party norm in the lower school that if you're inviting more than 3 kids of a particular gender in a particular class, you have to invite them all. That is: you can decide to have a dinner with your three closest friends only, but you can't invite six out of the eight third grade girls, or 10 out of fifteen boys. I actually think this is a pretty good norm (and just enforced it with my DD, who wanted to invite 13 out of 15 girls to her 10th bday party). OP, is it possible that your school also has some such norm, or that the other mom came from a school with such a norm? If so, perhaps she formed the impression, from her daughter, that your daughter had singled hers out for exclusion, and thought you might not have realized....

I agree, it's really awkward, and I would never tell anyone they "should" invite my child to something. But I feel bad for the girl, who may have felt very excluded, rightly or wrongly. Once or twice this has happened to one of my kids -- once, for instance, a parent had booked an end of year party at a place with very strict space limits, and only invited six of the nine girls in my DD's class. My DD didn't get invited because she just didn't know the hostess as well as the other kids... but boy did she feel left out.


What kind of school are your kids at where they think they can force you to invite every child in the class to your home for a party? Has the world gone completely insane? Is this Alexandria Country Day School by any chance?


No, not Alexandria Country Day. The school doesn't "force" anyone to do anything -- it suggests that parents do this, and in my experience most are extremely happy to do this. I think things obviously change when kids are older, but for a bunch of six or seven year olds, most parents understand that it's cruel to exclude one or two children from a party that everyone else goes to.


Good lord. I guess I won't be hosting birthday parties then. I'm supposed to pay for food and entertainment for every single kid in my DS's grade when he gets to that point, and open my home to 25+ kids? When did we get to the point where we teach our children that their feelings should never be hurt? I got excluded from parties as a kid and managed to survive.

Yet another reason why so many kids are growing up to be helpless these days. College mental health offices are packed with kids who are falling apart now that mommy and daddy aren't there to manage every aspect of their lives anymore. Pathetic.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2012 16:45     Subject: Vent - DD's classmate's mother just called to ask me to invite her kid to my kid's bday party
I think she shouldn't have asked, but she probably has a devastated, crying 10 year old on her hands and she wants to make it better. Not the best idea, but I can understand her, if that is why. Esp. if her child is almost the only girl not invited.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2012 16:45     Subject: Vent - DD's classmate's mother just called to ask me to invite her kid to my kid's bday party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For the sake of harmony, my kids' school has an unwritten but very strong birthday party norm in the lower school that if you're inviting more than 3 kids of a particular gender in a particular class, you have to invite them all. That is: you can decide to have a dinner with your three closest friends only, but you can't invite six out of the eight third grade girls, or 10 out of fifteen boys. I actually think this is a pretty good norm (and just enforced it with my DD, who wanted to invite 13 out of 15 girls to her 10th bday party). OP, is it possible that your school also has some such norm, or that the other mom came from a school with such a norm? If so, perhaps she formed the impression, from her daughter, that your daughter had singled hers out for exclusion, and thought you might not have realized....

I agree, it's really awkward, and I would never tell anyone they "should" invite my child to something. But I feel bad for the girl, who may have felt very excluded, rightly or wrongly. Once or twice this has happened to one of my kids -- once, for instance, a parent had booked an end of year party at a place with very strict space limits, and only invited six of the nine girls in my DD's class. My DD didn't get invited because she just didn't know the hostess as well as the other kids... but boy did she feel left out.


What kind of school are your kids at where they think they can force you to invite every child in the class to your home for a party? Has the world gone completely insane? Is this Alexandria Country Day School by any chance?


No, not Alexandria Country Day. The school doesn't "force" anyone to do anything -- it suggests that parents do this, and in my experience most are extremely happy to do this. I think things obviously change when kids are older, but for a bunch of six or seven year olds, most parents understand that it's cruel to exclude one or two children from a party that everyone else goes to.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2012 16:39     Subject: Vent - DD's classmate's mother just called to ask me to invite her kid to my kid's bday party
I would assume she got bad info about the party and didn't want her child to suffer the pain of being the only one excluded. If that was not the case, then yes, she had some nerve...
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2012 16:38     Subject: Vent - DD's classmate's mother just called to ask me to invite her kid to my kid's bday party
Anonymous wrote:For the sake of harmony, my kids' school has an unwritten but very strong birthday party norm in the lower school that if you're inviting more than 3 kids of a particular gender in a particular class, you have to invite them all. That is: you can decide to have a dinner with your three closest friends only, but you can't invite six out of the eight third grade girls, or 10 out of fifteen boys. I actually think this is a pretty good norm (and just enforced it with my DD, who wanted to invite 13 out of 15 girls to her 10th bday party). OP, is it possible that your school also has some such norm, or that the other mom came from a school with such a norm? If so, perhaps she formed the impression, from her daughter, that your daughter had singled hers out for exclusion, and thought you might not have realized....

I agree, it's really awkward, and I would never tell anyone they "should" invite my child to something. But I feel bad for the girl, who may have felt very excluded, rightly or wrongly. Once or twice this has happened to one of my kids -- once, for instance, a parent had booked an end of year party at a place with very strict space limits, and only invited six of the nine girls in my DD's class. My DD didn't get invited because she just didn't know the hostess as well as the other kids... but boy did she feel left out.


What kind of school are your kids at where they think they can force you to invite every child in the class to your home for a party? Has the world gone completely insane? Is this Alexandria Country Day School by any chance?
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2012 16:38     Subject: Vent - DD's classmate's mother just called to ask me to invite her kid to my kid's bday party
I would have said "how flattering? Of course I'll invite her" but I am also all about inclusion and remember being 10 and how awful it felt to be excluded.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2012 16:35     Subject: Vent - DD's classmate's mother just called to ask me to invite her kid to my kid's bday party
Why did the other mother say that she wanted her DD invited?
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2012 16:34     Subject: Vent - DD's classmate's mother just called to ask me to invite her kid to my kid's bday party
For the sake of harmony, my kids' school has an unwritten but very strong birthday party norm in the lower school that if you're inviting more than 3 kids of a particular gender in a particular class, you have to invite them all. That is: you can decide to have a dinner with your three closest friends only, but you can't invite six out of the eight third grade girls, or 10 out of fifteen boys. I actually think this is a pretty good norm (and just enforced it with my DD, who wanted to invite 13 out of 15 girls to her 10th bday party). OP, is it possible that your school also has some such norm, or that the other mom came from a school with such a norm? If so, perhaps she formed the impression, from her daughter, that your daughter had singled hers out for exclusion, and thought you might not have realized....

I agree, it's really awkward, and I would never tell anyone they "should" invite my child to something. But I feel bad for the girl, who may have felt very excluded, rightly or wrongly. Once or twice this has happened to one of my kids -- once, for instance, a parent had booked an end of year party at a place with very strict space limits, and only invited six of the nine girls in my DD's class. My DD didn't get invited because she just didn't know the hostess as well as the other kids... but boy did she feel left out.