I didn't realize this was an old thread until I was most of the way through it but I just made a very similar decision--was offered a 5 day a week at the office job that I think I would have loved but turned it down to stay at my current 4 day a week and work from home when I need to job. I don't hate my job but I'm getting bored and feel like there are other things out there for me. There's not a lot of advancement at my current job but that's partially by choice--I don't really want to be in the next position up because the work is not as much fun. My kids are older, 2 and 4, so I don't have as long to wait until they are in full-day school.

It was really tough to give up a job that I knew would make me happier from a career standpoint and I still, a month later, get a sick feeling when I think about turning it down. BUT, I know I would regret giving up that one day with my kids even more. I figure I only have another year or so before they are in school and then I can go back to 5 days a week. It's much easier to find a 5-day gig than a 4-day one so those opportunities will always be there. Then again, I'm not in a high-pressure, high-salary field and the field I really want to go into pays even less so that may be why I'm not worried about finding something down the road.

At this point, I would actually be fine with going back to work 5 days if my commute was shorter and I could work one of those days from home. But the suggestion of one day from home at the other job was shot down so I turned it down. I feel like there are enough jobs out there that allow WFH even in the very beginning that if one day was a deal breaker, it may not be as flexible as they claimed to be. Teleworking is so common now (for many kinds of jobs, like what I do) that a company that will not allow it just seem a little out of touch to me.

I get it though--it is really hard to watch your career be put aside for that many years while opportunities continue to pass by. I really struggle with it--there are a lot of us who do--so you are not alone if that makes you feel better.

Reviving this old thread to see if the OP has any thoughts on her decision. I made a similar decision 5 months ago, chose the more flexible, less interesting job and am pretty bored already in the flexible job and am worried I made the wrong decision. Convince me I did the right think by choosing family over career!

Stay put with the flexible job. Sounds like an awesome situation. I would love that.

OP here. Followed up about telecommuting with the other job and was told they had no policy in place, even though it had been mentioned in an interview. Basically, the idea was shot down.

Spoke to a manager at my current job about the pending contract and was told that even if we don't win, there are enough billable hours for everyone. Hopefully, this isn't a lie. In the end, I decided I wasn't ready to do a 40 hour work week, commute, and prove myself at a new gig. Passed on the new job. Don't feel great about it, mostly because I think I disappointed people and should have come to this decision sooner. In the big scheme of things, my child is more important than my job (JMO not trying to start a debate)--I won't say "career" because I'm not invested in what I do--and I'd regret being away from her more.

Maybe another opportunity will come along that's better suited to me when I'm ready. In the meantime, I'll humbly except my current flexible gig.

Thanks so much for all the input and I hope this thread helps someone else who finds themselves in a similar situation.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Found out that a major contract at my current, flexible job is up for rebid. If I stay and we lose I could be out of a job in 6 months. Ugh, this is so difficult.

Especially if your job isn't that stable, I'd take the career advancement. Leaves you with more money in savings and more value to your company, as well as more rehirability. Toddlerdom is not the time to work at home-renegotiate a more flex position once they're in school.

I stay flexible while the kid was young, and move onto a better job in 5 years or so when she's in school. JMO.

I struggle with this too. I chose the flexible career path - 40 hour work weeks, work from home, etc. I make about 170k a year... which isn't bad, but I'm literally helping a friend get a job at my firm who will come in a level higher - with bigger bonus, etc that puts him at 200+ maybe even 250. We were classmates and graduated together. It's life, but it still a hard pill to swallow.

Ugh OP -- so are you going to take the other job?

For me the flexibility was key (yes, may not be in the cards for you). At the age of 40 my youngest is finally in school fulltime. Now I can start the real career advancement. Before, I was happy to take a raise but didn't want a title change which would move me into senior staff. I am slowly working my way back in but I wouldn't have changed it at all. While I love my career it has always been really important to me to have the flexibility to be with my kids also.

I know you are in a tough spot. Perhaps explore the new job a bit more and ask some questions. Do you know that people? Do you know who you may report to? While it may seem like on site 5 days a week it may not actually be that. Just do some more research so you get a better idea of what you may be getting into.

Good luck!

OP here. Found out that a major contract at my current, flexible job is up for rebid. If I stay and we lose I could be out of a job in 6 months. Ugh, this is so difficult.

I love my job--very specialized career I trained for during a long bout in grad school. even though it doesn't pay a lot it is enriching and interesting. BUT, its not flexible and its stressful right now--although I do leave at 5 daily, I work a ton on weekends and nights. i am working today, instead of taking kids to holiday parties, I work every night after kids are in bed, and I am taking my work with me over our 5 day xmas break to see family. I feel constantly under stress and feel like I am missing watching my baby grow up. I have a huge year in front of me--tons of work, and also opportunities for achievements--but my plan is that next year, when I've accomplished all of this, I negotiate for more flexible schedule--which is not even working less, which is getting my dept to hire more people or reduce the number of projects we take on. Its totally insane right now and my supervisor works 24/7 but has no family around (kids grown). I do not want to be like that.

It would be interesting to know how many posters advocating the flexible schedule are SAHMs.

I'm glad to read this thread. I am in a job I don't love - but it does offer a lot of flexibility. It would be nice to have a job I was more interested in - but that would mean starting over somewhere. Not sure I can do that right now. It helps to know that others have made the same choice I have.

It's heartening to read all the people saying they take the flexible schedule.

I made the decision to do the same, but question it often -- especially as I see my husband and former colleagues advancing in their careers while I feel stagnant. That said, I love my lazy mornings with my children and being able to pick them up after school, and I think we'd all be more stressed out if I looked for a new job. I'm hoping there will come a time when I can dial it back up career-wise, but I don't think now (or anytime soon really) is going to be the time. Hope I don't regret those missed opportunities later though...

Anonymous wrote:Will the career advancement, in the end, give you a more flexible position? I had a really demanding, inflexible job for 3 years that opened up a LOT of doors. Now I make as much money as I did in that job, except I work a straight 40 hours a week, from home couple days a week, minimal stress, interesting work, and I can scale back to part time anytime I'd like (and also ramp back up if I want to). But for the three years in the demanding job, I don't think I'd be in my current position. If the "career advancement" would just mean a lifetime of insane hours and inflexibility, I probably wouldn't consider it.

I agree with this. I had 9 years invested in my career before I had kids.

Will the career advancement, in the end, give you a more flexible position? I had a really demanding, inflexible job for 3 years that opened up a LOT of doors. Now I make as much money as I did in that job, except I work a straight 40 hours a week, from home couple days a week, minimal stress, interesting work, and I can scale back to part time anytime I'd like (and also ramp back up if I want to). But for the three years in the demanding job, I don't think I'd be in my current position. If the "career advancement" would just mean a lifetime of insane hours and inflexibility, I probably wouldn't consider it.