Anonymous
12/10/2012 14:00
Subject: Re:My happiness level from 1 - 10 in my marriage is...
Anonymous wrote:9 - been married 5 years with a preschooler. Sex is a little - sparse right now, so I think he'd probably rate it 7/8 but we are very happy.
Reading all this, I think I'm going to go home and have sex with my husband.
Precisely.
Anonymous
12/10/2012 13:49
Subject: Re:My happiness level from 1 - 10 in my marriage is...
9 - been married 5 years with a preschooler. Sex is a little - sparse right now, so I think he'd probably rate it 7/8 but we are very happy.
Reading all this, I think I'm going to go home and have sex with my husband.
Reading all this, I think I'm going to go home and have sex with my husband.
Anonymous
12/10/2012 13:47
Subject: My happiness level from 1 - 10 in my marriage is...
Anonymous wrote:I am super happy, I would say a 9-10. I would say my husband is less happy because of our sex life. I have lichen sclerosis and sex is painful/sometimes impossible. He understands, but understanding doesn't make up for the absence.
It sounds horrible, but I really wish i could outsource sex the way we outsource cleaning. It would make us so much happier (I wouldn't feel guilty and he would get some).
You can! There are all sorts of nontraditional arrangements available to people who are ok with those things.
Anonymous
12/10/2012 13:39
Subject: My happiness level from 1 - 10 in my marriage is...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:8 sex life is pretty bad but everything else is pretty good
I'm going to have to give it a 7 due to the same issue.
It is not for lack of trying on my DHs part, I just don't feel the chemistry with him. My drive is very high, just not for him. I respect him and he is a good husband/father, so I will suffer that aspect of my life in silence. I wish I were French and then I'd just have a boyfriend.
Are some of the things that make him a good husband and father potentially incompatible with sexual chemistry? For example, being independent and mysterious can be sexy but tend to be bad qualities for a nurturing father and husband.
Probably. I think the fact that he is so available a bit of a turn off.
In the grand scheme of things, I think the benefits of having a good father for my children and a good husband (we truly enjoy each others company) outweigh having great sex. Luckily I'm a good faker, I'd never want him to know this.
NP here. Was there EVER chemistry or did you marry him for security, etc?
Anonymous
12/10/2012 13:34
Subject: My happiness level from 1 - 10 in my marriage is...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:8 sex life is pretty bad but everything else is pretty good
I'm going to have to give it a 7 due to the same issue.
It is not for lack of trying on my DHs part, I just don't feel the chemistry with him. My drive is very high, just not for him. I respect him and he is a good husband/father, so I will suffer that aspect of my life in silence. I wish I were French and then I'd just have a boyfriend.
Are some of the things that make him a good husband and father potentially incompatible with sexual chemistry? For example, being independent and mysterious can be sexy but tend to be bad qualities for a nurturing father and husband.
Probably. I think the fact that he is so available a bit of a turn off.
In the grand scheme of things, I think the benefits of having a good father for my children and a good husband (we truly enjoy each others company) outweigh having great sex. Luckily I'm a good faker, I'd never want him to know this.
Anonymous
12/10/2012 12:38
Subject: Re:My happiness level from 1 - 10 in my marriage is...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'd say a 2. Been together 20 years, married 16.
I'm in perimenopause, and the things that have chronically bugged me about DH (lack of physical affection/sex; laziness; messiness) really bother me these day. We end up in a huge fight, not speaking to each other for days, about twice a month after i can't take it any more and blow up at him.
Interesting. Sounds like us. How old are you?
OMG, this is us too. I'm so relieved to hear I'm not the only one. I'm not sure I'm in perimenopause, though since I've always had inconsistent periods (and no real other signs of it) except that I'm raging all the time. and like you, blow up about twice a month.
Anonymous
12/10/2012 12:19
Subject: My happiness level from 1 - 10 in my marriage is...
8-9. Together 9 years, married 5. Three kids under 3; 1 toddler and two infants. I think he'd rate it about the same, depending on the day. We went through a period of about a 5, maybe 4 years ago, but came through it well. Both of us feel like we really hit the jackpot with each other.
Anonymous
12/10/2012 12:03
Subject: My happiness level from 1 - 10 in my marriage is...
Lack of sex/physical affection = -1
antoinestrong
12/10/2012 11:59
Subject: My happiness level from 1 - 10 in my marriage is...
Anonymous wrote:antoinestrong wrote:Anonymous wrote:5. I'm constantly frustrated with the lack of him initiating sex,
lack of taking charge/having an opinion. Married 11 yrs. he knows I'm unhappy. He is happy. Probably a solid 9. He just has no drive for sex, affection, closeness, etc-- he "can't" turn it on.
I hear you. married 5 years, hard for her to turn it on like I can.
Antoine, what do you think your DW's response would be to her happiness level with you?
Gonna say a 5 for her. I think most of the time she's happy but past infidelity on my part has made things much harder than they need to be.
Anonymous
12/10/2012 11:56
Subject: My happiness level from 1 - 10 in my marriage is...
antoinestrong wrote:Anonymous wrote:5. I'm constantly frustrated with the lack of him initiating sex,
lack of taking charge/having an opinion. Married 11 yrs. he knows I'm unhappy. He is happy. Probably a solid 9. He just has no drive for sex, affection, closeness, etc-- he "can't" turn it on.
I hear you. married 5 years, hard for her to turn it on like I can.
Antoine, what do you think your DW's response would be to her happiness level with you?
antoinestrong
12/10/2012 11:44
Subject: My happiness level from 1 - 10 in my marriage is...
Anonymous wrote:5. I'm constantly frustrated with the lack of him initiating sex,
lack of taking charge/having an opinion. Married 11 yrs. he knows I'm unhappy. He is happy. Probably a solid 9. He just has no drive for sex, affection, closeness, etc-- he "can't" turn it on.
I hear you. married 5 years, hard for her to turn it on like I can.
antoinestrong
12/10/2012 11:43
Subject: My happiness level from 1 - 10 in my marriage is...
Anonymous wrote:9
Married 5 years.
My issues are somewhat surface- he's cannot pick up after himself or the kids. But it kills me!!! Otherwise he's a peach.
7 for me, also married 5 years. my DW doesn't pick up after herself either. but we get along great, really soulmates. sex is good but not imaginative or adventurous... quality of life the same. generally I'm good and happy, but bored alot of the time, don't feel as though she's taking care of me like I seek to take care of her.
Anonymous
12/10/2012 11:22
Subject: My happiness level from 1 - 10 in my marriage is...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:8 sex life is pretty bad but everything else is pretty good
I'm going to have to give it a 7 due to the same issue.
It is not for lack of trying on my DHs part, I just don't feel the chemistry with him. My drive is very high, just not for him. I respect him and he is a good husband/father, so I will suffer that aspect of my life in silence. I wish I were French and then I'd just have a boyfriend.
Are some of the things that make him a good husband and father potentially incompatible with sexual chemistry? For example, being independent and mysterious can be sexy but tend to be bad qualities for a nurturing father and husband.
Anonymous
12/10/2012 11:11
Subject: My happiness level from 1 - 10 in my marriage is...
I would say a 9 - sure, he annoys me sometimes and it's not perfect, but I wouldn't trade my husband for the world.
I think he would say 9/10 - and agree that marriage is easier for a man...
Married 3 years, together 10. About to have our first child after 1.5 years of infertility.
I think he would say 9/10 - and agree that marriage is easier for a man...
Married 3 years, together 10. About to have our first child after 1.5 years of infertility.
Anonymous
12/10/2012 11:11
Subject: My happiness level from 1 - 10 in my marriage is...
Anonymous wrote:8 sex life is pretty bad but everything else is pretty good
I'm going to have to give it a 7 due to the same issue.
It is not for lack of trying on my DHs part, I just don't feel the chemistry with him. My drive is very high, just not for him. I respect him and he is a good husband/father, so I will suffer that aspect of my life in silence. I wish I were French and then I'd just have a boyfriend.