I would think on it through the holidays/NY, give yourself a break from your failed cycle. Enjoy your little family and doing things that are easier to do with 1 DC (instead of a new baby, or pregnancy, or IVF or adoption chaos) and see how you feel then. Totally don't know your situation but I think it helps to have some perspective. FWIW, I think I would have a hard time leaving those 5 embryos and would probably give it another go. Only time will tell you the right answer for you. GL!

Anonymous wrote:I did just want to say that I'm not sure your assumption that "just because your first two transfers didn't result in a healthy baby, the remaining embryos aren't viable" is true at all. I can not tell you how many people I have heard that thought something similar, only to get pregnant with twins on the next transfer. I would discuss with your RE, and do some more research. Most REs are very particular about what they freeze, and the freezing techniques have improved greatly. Also, there is a lot of speculation that rates are better with FETs because your body isn't reacting to the stims.

+1
the process is nowhere close to being that predictable

Agree with PP. They only freeze blasts and of those there is really no way to know which is the best. I would start the adoption process but do 1 or 2 more FET. FET are easy relative to going through the whole IVF process again. If you had multiple failures then transfer 2 at a time. At least then you will never wonder if the one you didn't transfer was "the one". I know several people in similar situations that didn't get pregnant until the 3 or 4 transfer.

Sometimes, I also wonder whether they really know which embryos are the best. Like they know in a lot of way, but some of it isn't understood yet.

It was very important to me (and DH) to use all our embryos. After my twins were born, we had 3 embryos left and we donated them to friend of friends who were TTC. The donation did not result in a pregnancy, but I feel 100% good about the decision to donate. That other couple have subsequently adopted a son.

I agree with PP. I miscarried a baby from a fresh cycle, which was my best quality egg. Then, with a frozen egg of lesser quality became pregnant on my next try. Just delivered super healthy baby last month. I would at least try with the frozen embies...

I did just want to say that I'm not sure your assumption that "just because your first two transfers didn't result in a healthy baby, the remaining embryos aren't viable" is true at all. I can not tell you how many people I have heard that thought something similar, only to get pregnant with twins on the next transfer. I would discuss with your RE, and do some more research. Most REs are very particular about what they freeze, and the freezing techniques have improved greatly. Also, there is a lot of speculation that rates are better with FETs because your body isn't reacting to the stims.

Chinese adoptive parent- Korean adoptive parent here. I, too, felt that the adoption process was much easier than infertility treatments. The only time we had to take off work was to go get fingerprinted twice. Everything else could be done at our own convenience/in our home, unlike having to go in several mornings in a row to get your follicles examined, etc.

Korea, however, matches kids and families based on the Korean and American agencies' discretion, but you know that once your paperwork has been cleared, you WILL be getting a child. The only part that really drove me crazy was after we accepted our referral, when we had to wait for emigration permission (that took about 2.5 months). I knew she was waiting for us and I wanted to get her ASAP.

I do think the adoption paperwork would seem more onerous if you have a child already. When we adopted, she was our first kid and we had the luxury of having a lot of free time to do the application. We now have one more child through birth and if we were to adopt again, I know it'd be more difficult carving out the time to submit paperwork.

Good luck, OP!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi, OP again! Thank you all so much for your thoughts and experiences. 11:01, I am surprised that adoption felt more controllable. I guess I am afraid of the waiting to be 'chosen' and then the possibility of birth parents changing their minds. Admittedly aside from one seminar and lots on googling I haven't jumped in yet so I only have an idea of what to expect.
And yes, I do also want to get a percentage from my doc on success and if we should investigate anything further since he should have some idea after all we have been through this year. I want a magic wand and a crystal ball for Christmas!

This may be b/c we chose international adoption (China) which is not based upon a birth family picking us, b/c I admit that variable scared me too! With China, however, I just knew that as soon as our application got to the top of the stack, it was our turn, and we would get a child! Maybe that is why it felt much more logical and controllable to me! I was "done" with going thru lots of work, and not knowing if anything would pan out!

PS But I know that what feels "controllable" to some (me) may not exactly be the same for others, so obviously it is a personal process, and you can pick which process feels most comfortable and "right" for you!

Anonymous wrote:Hi, OP again! Thank you all so much for your thoughts and experiences. 11:01, I am surprised that adoption felt more controllable. I guess I am afraid of the waiting to be 'chosen' and then the possibility of birth parents changing their minds. Admittedly aside from one seminar and lots on googling I haven't jumped in yet so I only have an idea of what to expect.
And yes, I do also want to get a percentage from my doc on success and if we should investigate anything further since he should have some idea after all we have been through this year. I want a magic wand and a crystal ball for Christmas!

This may be b/c we chose international adoption (China) which is not based upon a birth family picking us, b/c I admit that variable scared me too! With China, however, I just knew that as soon as our application got to the top of the stack, it was our turn, and we would get a child! Maybe that is why it felt much more logical and controllable to me! I was "done" with going thru lots of work, and not knowing if anything would pan out!

No, I don't think it's insane. This entire process is brutal to endure. I agree with a PP - choose the path that will give you peace. Best wishes, OP.

Hi, OP again! Thank you all so much for your thoughts and experiences. 11:01, I am surprised that adoption felt more controllable. I guess I am afraid of the waiting to be 'chosen' and then the possibility of birth parents changing their minds. Admittedly aside from one seminar and lots on googling I haven't jumped in yet so I only have an idea of what to expect.

And yes, I do also want to get a percentage from my doc on success and if we should investigate anything further since he should have some idea after all we have been through this year. I want a magic wand and a crystal ball for Christmas!

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, 10:57, and yes, the closure is something I thought I would have after this last cycle and for some reason its not there yet. While I find so much comfort in the moments where I plan to move on, I keep going back to considering using the frozens first. Thank you for sharing and best of luck to you and your (hopefully growing) family.

You are most welcome. I hope you find a path you can find peace with, as well. All the best to you and your growing family, too!

Thanks, 10:57, and yes, the closure is something I thought I would have after this last cycle and for some reason its not there yet. While I find so much comfort in the moments where I plan to move on, I keep going back to considering using the frozens first. Thank you for sharing and best of luck to you and your (hopefully growing) family.

No idea if this will help, and others on here likely no more than I do. But my understanding was that with current freezing techniques frozen cycles actually have higher success rates than fresh cycles. Assuming that's true I'd probably lean toward at least trying with the frozen cycles. Of course, it's all a risk-reward question, so maybe you can get a better sense from your RE about the very specific chances of success for you personally given the quality of these specific frozen embryos / anything else specific to you.