No amount of TV is too much for an adult. How many Real Housewives can you cram into a day? If I am not a drooling idiot by 11 pm then my day wasn't good.

Anonymous wrote:

I don't tell him how much TV to watch. But I ask him can he try to cut back sometimes so he can help. I think that's a fair question. I work 2 jobs and am the primary care giver of our kids. I don't have time to sleep because there is always something to do. He can watch TV, but 5 hours is a lot. Why not 3 hours and use the other 2 to help me with something? The leaves have been in a pile for a month. 30 minutes a day and they could be gone.

Doing things around the house is not "helping." It is being an adult who meets his adult responsibilities. So step one, say "I've talked about how I want you to "help," but I've realized that's the wrong word. We are both responsible for taking care of the kids, the house, and the finances, and we are both entitled to some down time. Here is a list of things that need to get done. Which ones do you want to do? I think it would be better if you picked and did things, because I am not your mother or your boss, and I don't want to act like I am. You pick, you do -- and do it regularly, promptly, and well -- and I will hush up about how much TV you watch. Deal?"

Anonymous wrote:He sounds depressed

And a nagging shrew is the answer!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not up to you to tell your husband how much TV he can watch. You can and should, however, talk to him about the things that are not getting done around the house. Don't make it about the TV b/c that's not the real issue. If he wasn't watching TV he could easily be playing on the internet or doing a hobby or reading the paper, and your problem would be the same.

+1. Remember, you're his wife, not his mother. You need to discuss the division of labor in the house, not what he does with his spare time.

I don't tell him how much TV to watch. But I ask him can he try to cut back sometimes so he can help. I think that's a fair question. I work 2 jobs and am the primary care giver of our kids. I don't have time to sleep because there is always something to do. He can watch TV, but 5 hours is a lot. Why not 3 hours and use the other 2 to help me with something? The leaves have been in a pile for a month. 30 minutes a day and they could be gone.

Your response highlights some of the communication problems you guys are obviously having. PPs are telling you to focus on asking him to do the leaves, rather than focusing on the amount of tv. Also, it sounds like both of you are overwhelmed, he's depressed, and you're angry/resentful. The TV is really not the issue--just a symptom of a bigger problem. Couples counseling really is worth the time and money.

PP who said you're his wife, not mother. Yes, this is what I meant. Instead of asking him to cut back on TV to help you out, you should just tell him that you need him to rake the leaves before tomorrow night. Or say that you need help getting the kitchen cleaned up after dinner tonight and you would like him to get that done before he goes to bed. How he manages his time if he can get what you request done, is really up to him. If he would rather watch 5 hours of TV, clean the kitchen at midnight and get an hours less sleep, that's his business. The only thing you should focus on are the tasks that you need him to help with and when you want them done. If he doesn't help, then tell him you're going to hire someone to do the chores he's not doing and he'll have to figure out what he'll cut out of the family budget to pay for the hired help.