20:05 - I believe you; the majority of the working moms I know say they prefer to work. Same with my best friend and one of my sisters-in-law.

As for the rest of your post, I see your point, that it must have been boring for them if that's how they felt. I just hope they realize that it isn't that way for me, and that it is possible to stay interesting and interested while at home.

I will take it one step further and say that I'm a happy, fulfilled SAHW.

Some people think staying home is "boring, unfulfilling and brainless" because they tried staying home and determined it was indeed boring, unfulfilling and brainless for THEM...and that's perfectly acceptable and valid. Just because one person likes something doesn't mean that everyone will like the same thing. I enjoyed staying home for four months each time I had a baby (and I have a handful of kids, so I was home with older kids during subsequent times), but I was ready to go back to work as my leave was winding down. I enjoyed the time with my kids, but I didn't enjoy the domestic chores. And I missed my career (public interest lawyer...which is God's work, not grunt work). Glad you are happy, OP, but lots of us are happy with our choices as well.

OP again, I'd better amend this before people go crazy. I understand that a lot of women prefer working - my best friend is one of those women who would hate staying home and loves her job. I totally get that, I am just not one of those people. My question is why do some people (again, I said both SAHMs and WOHMs) think it must be boring, unfulfilling and "brainless".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another happy, fulfilled SAHM here.

I never had a career, though. I've known for a long time that I WANTED to be a SAHM, this despite my "feminist" mom trying to convince me that I should be a diplomat or something.

My kids are all in school now, but I still stay home. I "justify it" by knowing that on teacher in service days, snow days, sick days, etc. I don't have to scramble for child care. I just love on the first snow day of each year, watching the news stories about all the parents grumbling that they had to leave work early to pick up their kids for the early snow closing.
Also, I do a lot of volunteer work in the schools. A LOT of programs/events/etc. happen in school because of SAH parents volunteering.

You never had a career.

That says it all, PP.

So while your tone is smug, it's also laughable, as most working parents who are reading your post are only thinking you were too goddamn dumb to succeed in any position.

truth

You're not exactly a role model for kids now, are you?

Not, the PP, but what kind of role model are you? Didn't your mother ever tell you if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.

OP here. Addressing 19:39 - Your post has nothing to do with what I'm talking about. I didn't mention anything about people who work, but wish they could afford to stay home.

In fact, it's sort of the opposite - I am specifically wondering why some people (not all, some) think it must be unfulfilling and would prefer to work where they can "use (their) brain".

Anonymous wrote:They are still at home. Why, will I be less happy when I have more free time? I am sure I'd find something else to do, whether work or volunteer with a non-profit I admire.

Why does the housework question matter? Should I be unfulfilled if I do housework and/or have a mess house?

My point is that it is a bit obtuse to skip over the money question here. Many, many moms would be perfectly happy to stay home for a few years if they could afford it - particularly if they got help with housework. And sure it would be easy to feel fulfilled for many moms if they got to stay home after the kids were in school too, and spend time reading, playing tennis, whatever! Staying home is a luxury; you are buying fulfillment, and a lot of us can't afford it.

That's great for you, OP, though I think it's lame you posted this and says that you feel insecure about your choices.

I have to say that I can't stand it when people dismiss jobs as grunt work, though. Work is so much more than that for many of us, in that it provides socialization, structure, goals, and gives a sense of purpose. Even if you're "pushing papers," for many people it is important for overall well-being. I think this is why most research shows that moms who work (without great stress) are generally happier than SAHMs, and have lower levels of depression. Work gives people meaning. So does motherhood of course!

Anonymous wrote:OP and PPs in the boat: that's wonderful that you're happy and fulfilled. As long as you recognize that WOH moms can be truly happy and fulfilled as well, I don't see why this should create controversy, though it often does on DCUM. To each her own, right?

18:23 here (SAHM), I completely agree with you.

Anonymous wrote:Another happy, fulfilled SAHM here.

I never had a career, though. I've known for a long time that I WANTED to be a SAHM, this despite my "feminist" mom trying to convince me that I should be a diplomat or something.

My kids are all in school now, but I still stay home. I "justify it" by knowing that on teacher in service days, snow days, sick days, etc. I don't have to scramble for child care. I just love on the first snow day of each year, watching the news stories about all the parents grumbling that they had to leave work early to pick up their kids for the early snow closing.
Also, I do a lot of volunteer work in the schools. A LOT of programs/events/etc. happen in school because of SAH parents volunteering.

You never had a career.

That says it all, PP.

So while your tone is smug, it's also laughable, as most working parents who are reading your post are only thinking you were too goddamn dumb to succeed in any position.

truth

You're not exactly a role model for kids now, are you?

OP and PPs in the boat: that's wonderful that you're happy and fulfilled. As long as you recognize that WOH moms can be truly happy and fulfilled as well, I don't see why this should create controversy, though it often does on DCUM. To each her own, right?

Anonymous wrote:To the PP: why would you "love" to hear about other parents being stressed that they can't find child care on snow days. Or sick days. I work and I can tell you that it is a very anxious feeling. I'm all for people making their own choices, but that level of smugness (to the point of being happy at someone else's misfortune) is quite unbecoming. And, certain types of both WOM amd SAHM moms are guilty of this.

+++++1

Anonymous wrote:To the PP: why would you "love" to hear about other parents being stressed that they can't find child care on snow days. Or sick days. I work and I can tell you that it is a very anxious feeling. I'm all for people making their own choices, but that level of smugness (to the point of being happy at someone else's misfortune) is quite unbecoming. And, certain types of both WOM amd SAHM moms are guilty of this.

Sorry, I was being sarcastic. I probably should have put in the I don't love to hear of other people's stress and anxiousness. I really dislike (thus the sarcastic "love") the news stories about it. It's not "news."

I graduated from an Ivy League and have several graduate degrees. I would love to be a SAHM and know i would be very satisfisfied. But I am the breadwinner and carry the insurance for our kids. My partner, however, does stay home. I am eternally grateful that we can afford that. And I'm grateful that I love my job outside the home.

For me, being a feminist means that women have choices and feel supported. Ideally, if a woman wants to stay home, she can. If she wants to work outside the home, then she can and not have worry about quality, affordable daycare. That's why it's important to fight for things like healthcare that is not dependent on an employer.

I run a mom's group that is not in the DC area, so it's irrelevant. Somewhere else in the US