I disagree about the "savant" part: this tends to bring on images of Rainman to most people which is not an accurate depiction of most of the kids who qualify as 2e.

It's simply that many kids with high iqs (gifted) also have ADHD and/or ASD. Gifted programs usually do well for these kids and provide high academic content with like minded peers.

Anonymous wrote:2e = twice exceptional = gifted and a learning disability

Yeah, you tend to find a lot of SN kids in the gifted programs b/c they have an area in which they really excel. It's the savant part.

2e = twice exceptional = gifted and a learning disability

What is a 2e student?

OP is in DC so not many options for a half way decent public middle or high school anyway. Most parents in DC with NT kids either move or go private by middle school. MoCo or Fairfax counties would be a definite improvement especially if her son can test into their programs for 2e students.

((OP needs to move.))

Agree on the question of where? I also have a complicated kid for whom school isnt working, can't get a spot in private school, and have even toyed w idea of homeschool. From what I can see there isn't a better public option if you just "move"

I am a former home school SN parent and a former public school teacher. I think PP's point about de-toxing is that so much learning can (and should) take place outside of a classroom. We tend to get so focused on the academics that we forget there is a real world out there. I agree that some detox is necessary when starting homeschooling. Kids and parents new to homeschooling need to lose their school-based anxieties. But a year while just keeping up with one subject also seems excessive to me. I would say that if reading (for example) were causing a lot of anxiety, I would totally back off the 'learning to read' component of reading and just read to my DC and discuss books (and you'll be working on comprehension and vocab while you are doing this). Once the anxiety surrounding learning-to-read is reduced, you are a lot more likely to have success teaching it (or recognizing when you are out of your league and hire a tutor). If math is the culprit, go back as far as you need to go and find where math is easy and fun. It may be skip counting or counting backwards. It may mean rolling a lot of dice and figuring out all the ways to add up to 7 (or 5 or 9, etc). This is ok. This is the beauty of home schooling ... you can move at a pace appropriate for your child and avoid cycles of failure.

OP, I would strongly urge you to make contact with local homeschool communities and talk with people in your geographic area who are homeschooling. Only you know yourself and your DC well enough to be able to say whether the circumstances are right for both of you to make this jump. Many people are able to make this leap and it is an option well worth considering. There are lots of curricula on the market, and as you mentioned, there are on-line options. Some people have weird prejudices about socialization and home schooling. I can assure you that school socialization is quite often a very negative experience for our kids and their social skills can be well nurtured outside classroom settings.

Anonymous wrote:

My suggestion for the first year would be to "detox" from the school environment, and do mostly child-led learning. In other words, decide what is most absolutely essential for actual, sit-down schoolwork. Probably math, right? Because that is sequential, and he would need to stay on track if you decide to put him back in school. Look at Teaching Textbooks, which is a complete curriculum that you do not need to help him do--he can do it all himself. Then for everything else, just let him be. Take him to the library every week. Go to many places. Go to cultural events and shows. Have him listen to books on CD. Let him build with Legos endlessly. Have him write letters and emails to family and friends. Maybe have him start a blog to keep track of his new homeschooling life. Keep him involved in daily physical activities. Sign him up for clubs in your local homeschool group. Read out loud to him every day. That's all. Let learning be fun and organic again, like it was when he was a toddler.

Not OP. This sounds great for a toddler and early elementary school but for middle school and quite possibly high school?!? I can't imagine...

OP, I am about to write a book, so apologies in advance:

I cannot recommend homeschooling more highly, but before you do, you need to "un"school yourself. This is not an easy or fast thing to do, but it is essential to be successful with your son at home.

What I mean is, you have a certain, deeply ingrained idea of what school looks and sounds like. But institutional learning is COMPLETELY different than learning independently. So your approach to your son will be tainted with your own memories and expectations. Those preconceptions will get in the way if you don't address them first.

The best place I can suggest you start is with a book called the Teenage Liberation Handbook. I know your son is not a teen yet, but this book is for you, not for him. It's inspiring and sensible at the same time. There is also A Little Way of Homeschooling, which is a collection of stories by families who homeschool, but that is written from a Catholic perspective, which may not be your approach.

My suggestion for the first year would be to "detox" from the school environment, and do mostly child-led learning. In other words, decide what is most absolutely essential for actual, sit-down schoolwork. Probably math, right? Because that is sequential, and he would need to stay on track if you decide to put him back in school. Look at Teaching Textbooks, which is a complete curriculum that you do not need to help him do--he can do it all himself. Then for everything else, just let him be. Take him to the library every week. Go to many places. Go to cultural events and shows. Have him listen to books on CD. Let him build with Legos endlessly. Have him write letters and emails to family and friends. Maybe have him start a blog to keep track of his new homeschooling life. Keep him involved in daily physical activities. Sign him up for clubs in your local homeschool group. Read out loud to him every day. That's all. Let learning be fun and organic again, like it was when he was a toddler.

This way, there is all the time you need for therapies and playtime with friends. No unnecessary, miserable long drives. (I am also completely drained by driving endlessly--that's not a trivial concern--that's everything!) No fights over doing busywork that is boring and extraneous. Recapture the zest for life and family and reading and discovering that school probably sucked right out of him. Let him find his true self again.

Some people can handle the often random and nonsensical structure of institutional school, while some people shrivel up and die a little inside every day. Don't bring the institutional school home. Bring your son home. Bring him back to the meaning of life: to love one another, to learn all we can. You will all appreciate the positive changes this step will start!

You're not giving up--you're RISING up! Congratulations on caring this much and being this bold! Don't look back!

OP, I have family in town, so I don't have time for a complete answer to all your questions right now, but quickly:

My mom started homeschooling because my brother had special needs. This was back in the day when it was barely legal. He went from being picked on and failing and miserable and labeled as mentally challenged to (years later) a 4.0 at a private college and a CPA on his first try. Yes, he's severely dyslexic and has serious physical limitations, but my mom knew him like no other and gave him the environment and support he needed to thrive.

All of my younger siblings were homeschooled, all now successful, highly educated adults. I homeschool all of my kids, and belong to a local homeschooling community comprised of almost 300 families. Many homeschool because of special needs.

You can do this. Everything you mentioned can be addressed. I will try to do so over the weekend. But before I say goodnight for now, let me assure you that socialization is a reason FOR homeschooling, not against. ESPECALLY when there are special needs. And especially in this area, which is a hotbed of homeschooling. That will be the least of your concerns and the greatest of your joys.

Until later, then!

Lots of special needs kids end up being homeschooled. It can be isolating, in me experience but there are benefits s well. Homeschooling is a whole world potentially worth exploring.

OP, you said that your DC was close to middle school age. If DC were in 3rd or 4th grade, I think it might be fine to home school next year, but a current 5th grader? I don't think that's a good idea. Knowing that no school will be perfect, you should find a school that you and DC will be relatively happy in and stick with it for middle school. If you home schooled a 6th grader for a year or two, what comes next? S/He goes back to a new public school in 8th grade? I think that sounds awful for any kid, with or without special needs.

As for a home school community to get involved with you do go that route...my kids go to public school, but I know a half dozen homeschooling families in our neighborhood who use a variety of curricula -- from Christian classical education to Waldorf -- for their kids. Most of those families are actually going to put their kids in public or private school once they get to middle school age. It might be more difficult to find a group of families in your situation. Finally, the homeschooling moms I know do not have jobs outside the home -- either full time or part time -- and most of them are not educators by profession or training. If you want to coordinate small group lessons and field trips, it might be difficult for other home school families to help out with a child that has significant special needs.

OP here. I agree about the driving. I'm a driving wimp and quite spoiled. I hate it hate it hate it! If we get enough Financial Aid we could probably afford to have someone drive him one way or the other a couple of times a week which would definitely help. DH could probably do 1 drop-off and 1 pick-up/week, depending on which school we pick. I'm going to press on with the application process and just hope that we get enough FA.

He is in 3 therapies/week and also on meds under the direction of a psychiatrist. School has not been a happy place for him, though I give him credit for even being able to go back every day. I'm hoping that the right school could repair a lot of that since he does love to learn and likes to be around other (SMALL) groups of kids.

We really can't move right now. I just can't do that to my other kid. Maybe when it's time for kid 2 to move schools also, but otherwise I'm seriously going to have to put the 2nd kid in therapy if we do one more thing that centers around our sped kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to suggest moving. DCPS is not an ideal environment.

NP here-But move where? DCPS (ward 3 school) provides better SPED than anything in VA or MD...OP, the specter of having your DS drive you crazy is very real. That is the main reason I don't do it. It would harm our already strained to the breaking point relationship.

For elementary school maybe (better moco and fcps, imo) but the choice for middle school and high school is Deal feeding into Wilson (which I would not even consider for our NT kid). OP already implied Deal was not an option b/c of class size so she will be stuck driving (and paying for) a school like Auburn for middle and high school unless she home schools til high school graduation.

Also, OP does not have a plan for how homeschooling is going to resolve he DS's issues so that he can return to public school and it's difficult for a working parent to provide the structure never mind the teaching itself that a kid like this needs.

OP needs to move.

OP,

Your concerns about the commute sound a little trivial. I hate the driving too, but you do what needs to be done. I think b/c you're used to working from home you've gotten off a easy b/c you haven't had to deal with the traffic. Many private schools offer bussing/shuttles, or you could possibly find carpools and/or pay someone to drive your kid.

Regarding to continuing to work and home schooling--there are only so many hours in a day. Granted, a home school kid may not have an 8 hour day, but he still needs to be doing something during that time, so I'm not sure how much you'll be able to focus on your work.

There are home schooling groups in this area. I would track a couple down and informationally interview people if you can to get a sense of how much is involved. I knew a woman who home schooled older kids--she belong to a group and they basically traded off subjects.

Lastly, do you think therapy might help your son adapt better to the school environment?