Anonymous
11/15/2012 15:14
Subject: I have a problem with the definition of Rich
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
I'm not the OP, but similar circumstances. $250K HHI, 2 WOH parents, no student loans. Able to consider private school for our DC if we want. Putting away lots in savings and retirement. 2 cars, both almost 10yrs old. Take a real vacation about once every two years. 200sq ft house and a $600K mortgage. Wouldn't recognize a Tory Birch shoe or designer jean if they were right in front of me.
I think PP's comment speaks to my own feelings about why I'm not "rich". Somehow I feel as though rich people have nannies, drive expensive late model cars, have 3000+ sq ft $1M+ houses, take vacations once or twice a year. And on and on and on with those types of indicators. Bad example, but since she's in the news right now, I kind of did a double take when I realized Jill Kelley and I are the same age. Fabulous house, hair, clothes, body. SAHM. Lavish parties, multiple homes, mercedes, on the pages of society magazine in town. At one level that's my reaction - she's rich, not me.
I'm not complaining at all and in fact feel very blessed. And know that on paper we are in that top 3-5%, but in reality I don't view my life as that of a rich person because "rich people" have different lives than I do.
Yeah well I am not sure you want to compare your finances with the Kelly's. They live and spend large, but they are in financial debt up to the eyeballs. The sister has filed bankruptcy stating that she owes 3million in debt. You can have at it if this is your aspiration of rich.
Anonymous
11/15/2012 14:58
Subject: I have a problem with the definition of Rich
Anonymous wrote:14:41: OK, point taken, your parents are very frugal, and like I assumed have raised you well!
But whatever wealth they have accumulated will pass on to your daughter one day. Can you really say that that is irrelevant? That it is not a comforting thought? Saying that you are not stressed with a salary of $60,000 is not hard, and not the whole picture - someone else with the same salary might feel huge financial stress easily - see age/parents- despite being very frugal. Would you not agree?
Actually, they have suggested, in a not-very subtle way, that they may give all their money to charity. I believe my mother, left to her own devices, would do it. I do not count on money for security. Ever. I just live as if what I have now is what I'll always have.
Anonymous
11/15/2012 14:55
Subject: I have a problem with the definition of Rich
14:41: OK, point taken, your parents are very frugal, and like I assumed have raised you well!
But whatever wealth they have accumulated will pass on to your daughter one day. Can you really say that that is irrelevant? That it is not a comforting thought? Saying that you are not stressed with a salary of $60,000 is not hard, and not the whole picture - someone else with the same salary might feel huge financial stress easily - see age/parents- despite being very frugal. Would you not agree?
But whatever wealth they have accumulated will pass on to your daughter one day. Can you really say that that is irrelevant? That it is not a comforting thought? Saying that you are not stressed with a salary of $60,000 is not hard, and not the whole picture - someone else with the same salary might feel huge financial stress easily - see age/parents- despite being very frugal. Would you not agree?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I swear, I just don't get this.
I am in grad school and dh makes 60k. We live in a moderate income 1 bedroom apartment in a luxury building. We save at least 1k a month in addition to his retirement plan and some money in an IRA. We have a one year old dd. I don't feel poor, I actually don't feel any financial stress at all. We mostly cook our own food and I just don't buy things I can't afford. Soon we'll have more money, and I don't think I'll even change much about our lifestyle other than move to a slightly bigger place. I see my friends with more money and I don't really feel "oh I wish I had all that stuff" because I don't really see that they have anything that I want. I have a good dh and a healthy dd and I live in a clean, attractive home. My parents are in the top 1% and they're very much the same.
How are you paying for grad school if I may ask.
Scholarship, savings from when I was working. I'm 28. We don't have to pay for any childcare for dd because our schedules are very flexible. I can see how living in my situation would be frustrating if I were, say, 45, but I live with the philosophy that if I am spending less than what I earn, that's what I'm supposed to do and there's not much else that I *can* do. So why be frustrated about it?
That is a good philosophy, but regardless, you just have not experienced any frustrations yet. And due to your 1% parents who are not gamblers, but have raised you well, you probably never will. That's good, just don't make assessments like 'i don't get it' above by looking at things only from a simplistic viewpoint.
Anonymous
11/15/2012 14:42
Subject: I have a problem with the definition of Rich
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I swear, I just don't get this.
I am in grad school and dh makes 60k. We live in a moderate income 1 bedroom apartment in a luxury building. We save at least 1k a month in addition to his retirement plan and some money in an IRA. We have a one year old dd. I don't feel poor, I actually don't feel any financial stress at all. We mostly cook our own food and I just don't buy things I can't afford. Soon we'll have more money, and I don't think I'll even change much about our lifestyle other than move to a slightly bigger place. I see my friends with more money and I don't really feel "oh I wish I had all that stuff" because I don't really see that they have anything that I want. I have a good dh and a healthy dd and I live in a clean, attractive home. My parents are in the top 1% and they're very much the same.
How are you paying for grad school if I may ask.
Scholarship, savings from when I was working. I'm 28. We don't have to pay for any childcare for dd because our schedules are very flexible. I can see how living in my situation would be frustrating if I were, say, 45, but I live with the philosophy that if I am spending less than what I earn, that's what I'm supposed to do and there's not much else that I *can* do. So why be frustrated about it?
That is a good philosophy, but regardless, you just have not experienced any frustrations yet. And due to your 1% parents who are not gamblers, but have raised you well, you probably never will. That's good, just don't make assessments like 'i don't get it' above by looking at things only from a simplistic viewpoint.
Anonymous
11/15/2012 14:41
Subject: I have a problem with the definition of Rich
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I swear, I just don't get this.
I am in grad school and dh makes 60k. We live in a moderate income 1 bedroom apartment in a luxury building. We save at least 1k a month in addition to his retirement plan and some money in an IRA. We have a one year old dd. I don't feel poor, I actually don't feel any financial stress at all. We mostly cook our own food and I just don't buy things I can't afford. Soon we'll have more money, and I don't think I'll even change much about our lifestyle other than move to a slightly bigger place. I see my friends with more money and I don't really feel "oh I wish I had all that stuff" because I don't really see that they have anything that I want. I have a good dh and a healthy dd and I live in a clean, attractive home. My parents are in the top 1% and they're very much the same.
yes, but the feeling also has to do with how old you are. Are you 25?
Fantastic! Lots more time to save, move in the future, vacation, change careers you name it.
Or are you 45? Totally different feeling financially!!!
and btw I bet you are closer to 25 of course. Also you have your 1% parents to fall back on - and either case that will be your family's one day, too. Others have to take care of their parents financially at some point.
So it's not that hard to feel no stress in your situation at age 25.
Now imagine just 2 changes: you are 45 with same salary living in the same place, and your parents have just gambled away their house and everything else. How would you feel now?
If my parents were poor (and btw, they were poor within my memory), their lifestyles would change very, very little. They are hard-core. They think shoes for $60 are extravagant and tasteless. They buy non-luxury vehicles and then drive them until there is no life left in them. My mother sews her own outfits if she does not like what is in season. She and my aunt are the crazy immigrant ladies who hold up the line at Macy's as they calculate the maximum value they can get with their coupons and clearance items. My aunt sewed a christening outfit for my daughter using fabric from an unused wedding dress from her broken engagement (she called it her "lucky" dress). It was actually quite pretty, but yes, weird. They don't eat out, or vacation. Ever. They grow their own vegetables in the summer. All of their vegetables, and some fruits from their trees too. They bake their own bread. They could be on one of those tv shows about extreme cheapness or something, so no, they are a special case. I am not quite that extreme, but honestly, I can see myself turning into something similar. Even poor DH has caught our disease.
Anonymous
11/15/2012 14:37
Subject: I have a problem with the definition of Rich
What "definition" of "rich" is this? "Rich" is relative. Whether or not you and your teacher husband "feel rich", you are making more than the vast majority of Americans, the vast majority of people in the DC area, and the vast majority of the people in the world. Your feelings about it do not change that fact.
Why do you feel this way? I don't have a clue, OP. Maybe you watched too many episodes of Dallas and Dynasty in the 80s. Maybe you expected you might end up on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous someday. Maybe you're just one of those stereotypical DC competitive people who feel like they can't keep up with the Joneses.
I do know that I'm sick of the "waaaa waaa waaa, cost of living here is so high, I'm not rich, quit telling me I am!" bitchfest that seems to come up at least weekly on DCUM.
Why do you feel this way? I don't have a clue, OP. Maybe you watched too many episodes of Dallas and Dynasty in the 80s. Maybe you expected you might end up on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous someday. Maybe you're just one of those stereotypical DC competitive people who feel like they can't keep up with the Joneses.
I do know that I'm sick of the "waaaa waaa waaa, cost of living here is so high, I'm not rich, quit telling me I am!" bitchfest that seems to come up at least weekly on DCUM.
Anonymous
11/15/2012 14:33
Subject: I have a problem with the definition of Rich
Anonymous wrote:You probably have a problem with it b/c "rich" implies wealth, but in this country we don't tax wealth, we tax income.
This is it! Plus wealth has a generational aspect.
Anonymous
11/15/2012 14:31
Subject: I have a problem with the definition of Rich
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I swear, I just don't get this.
I am in grad school and dh makes 60k. We live in a moderate income 1 bedroom apartment in a luxury building. We save at least 1k a month in addition to his retirement plan and some money in an IRA. We have a one year old dd. I don't feel poor, I actually don't feel any financial stress at all. We mostly cook our own food and I just don't buy things I can't afford. Soon we'll have more money, and I don't think I'll even change much about our lifestyle other than move to a slightly bigger place. I see my friends with more money and I don't really feel "oh I wish I had all that stuff" because I don't really see that they have anything that I want. I have a good dh and a healthy dd and I live in a clean, attractive home. My parents are in the top 1% and they're very much the same.
How are you paying for grad school if I may ask.
Scholarship, savings from when I was working. I'm 28. We don't have to pay for any childcare for dd because our schedules are very flexible. I can see how living in my situation would be frustrating if I were, say, 45, but I live with the philosophy that if I am spending less than what I earn, that's what I'm supposed to do and there's not much else that I *can* do. So why be frustrated about it?
Anonymous
11/15/2012 14:27
Subject: I have a problem with the definition of Rich
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I swear, I just don't get this.
I am in grad school and dh makes 60k. We live in a moderate income 1 bedroom apartment in a luxury building. We save at least 1k a month in addition to his retirement plan and some money in an IRA. We have a one year old dd. I don't feel poor, I actually don't feel any financial stress at all. We mostly cook our own food and I just don't buy things I can't afford. Soon we'll have more money, and I don't think I'll even change much about our lifestyle other than move to a slightly bigger place. I see my friends with more money and I don't really feel "oh I wish I had all that stuff" because I don't really see that they have anything that I want. I have a good dh and a healthy dd and I live in a clean, attractive home. My parents are in the top 1% and they're very much the same.
yes, but the feeling also has to do with how old you are. Are you 25?
Fantastic! Lots more time to save, move in the future, vacation, change careers you name it.
Or are you 45? Totally different feeling financially!!!
and btw I bet you are closer to 25 of course. Also you have your 1% parents to fall back on - and either case that will be your family's one day, too. Others have to take care of their parents financially at some point.
So it's not that hard to feel no stress in your situation at age 25.
Now imagine just 2 changes: you are 45 with same salary living in the same place, and your parents have just gambled away their house and everything else. How would you feel now?
Anonymous
11/15/2012 14:22
Subject: Re:I have a problem with the definition of Rich
There are many things that change perspective.
When were were two DINKS living in a $150K house and maxing out retirement, able to buy whatever we wanted, when we wanted, travel, etc. we felt rich on our then $175K HHI. Now, we have a bigger $600K house (and corresponding mortgage), two kids, $2900/month daycare fees and all of our choices are much more limited as we take care of bigger house and children, even though we make $40K more than we did then. But we don't feel richer. But we are.
Perspective can do a lot. Stop and break down what you spend your $250K income on. Then stop and realize how luck you are to have the choice to spend that type of money on those choices. Many people with half your income don't have those same choices you've made.
When were were two DINKS living in a $150K house and maxing out retirement, able to buy whatever we wanted, when we wanted, travel, etc. we felt rich on our then $175K HHI. Now, we have a bigger $600K house (and corresponding mortgage), two kids, $2900/month daycare fees and all of our choices are much more limited as we take care of bigger house and children, even though we make $40K more than we did then. But we don't feel richer. But we are.
Perspective can do a lot. Stop and break down what you spend your $250K income on. Then stop and realize how luck you are to have the choice to spend that type of money on those choices. Many people with half your income don't have those same choices you've made.
Anonymous
11/15/2012 14:21
Subject: I have a problem with the definition of Rich
Anonymous wrote:I swear, I just don't get this.
I am in grad school and dh makes 60k. We live in a moderate income 1 bedroom apartment in a luxury building. We save at least 1k a month in addition to his retirement plan and some money in an IRA. We have a one year old dd. I don't feel poor, I actually don't feel any financial stress at all. We mostly cook our own food and I just don't buy things I can't afford. Soon we'll have more money, and I don't think I'll even change much about our lifestyle other than move to a slightly bigger place. I see my friends with more money and I don't really feel "oh I wish I had all that stuff" because I don't really see that they have anything that I want. I have a good dh and a healthy dd and I live in a clean, attractive home. My parents are in the top 1% and they're very much the same.
yes, but the feeling also has to do with how old you are. Are you 25?
Fantastic! Lots more time to save, move in the future, vacation, change careers you name it.
Or are you 45? Totally different feeling financially!!!
Anonymous
11/15/2012 14:20
Subject: I have a problem with the definition of Rich
Anonymous wrote:I swear, I just don't get this.
I am in grad school and dh makes 60k. We live in a moderate income 1 bedroom apartment in a luxury building. We save at least 1k a month in addition to his retirement plan and some money in an IRA. We have a one year old dd. I don't feel poor, I actually don't feel any financial stress at all. We mostly cook our own food and I just don't buy things I can't afford. Soon we'll have more money, and I don't think I'll even change much about our lifestyle other than move to a slightly bigger place. I see my friends with more money and I don't really feel "oh I wish I had all that stuff" because I don't really see that they have anything that I want. I have a good dh and a healthy dd and I live in a clean, attractive home. My parents are in the top 1% and they're very much the same.
How are you paying for grad school if I may ask.
Anonymous
11/15/2012 14:15
Subject: I have a problem with the definition of Rich
Anonymous wrote:You probably have a problem with it b/c "rich" implies wealth, but in this country we don't tax wealth, we tax income.
This is true and lost on the masses.
Anonymous
11/15/2012 14:12
Subject: Re:I have a problem with the definition of Rich
I would guess because your income doesn't substantially exceed your expenses.
Anonymous
11/15/2012 14:09
Subject: I have a problem with the definition of Rich
You probably have a problem with it b/c "rich" implies wealth, but in this country we don't tax wealth, we tax income.