Anonymous wrote:I see both sides of what pp's are saying. She should absolutely be commended for losing the 35 lbs - that's a lot, and takes commitment and work. She doesn't deserve to be treated in any way that might embarrass her!

That said - you do seem to be in denial, OP. I am 5'7 and 175 lbs, struggling with weight as well. I'm a size 12-14. Your daughter is not a size 14 at 5'4 230 lbs, and she doesn't have good eating habits unless she has a serious metabolic issue. Her weight is a serious health issue that will likely only get worse as she gets older. I suspect that the doctors saw it as a health issue - similar to if she were say, wheezing or had a twisted limb or something when she presented with a condition somewhat unrelated.

I suspect that what the pp's you see as rude are trying to imply is that your being in denial about her weight isn't helping her. She should be commended but you both need to be realistic about her situation and keep supporting her - and that doesn't mean explaining and excusing the situation away.

How is OP in denial? Because she thinks her daughter is beautiful? Because she doesn't think she is huge? We don't know what this kid looks like. We don't know her frame and how she carrier her weight.

The child is ON A DIET. She is doing something about her weight. Being overweight is perhaps the only condition in which you can be actively managing your condition and responsibly handling your illness and at the same time presenting yourself to the world as irresponsible -- because it takes time to manifest the results of your taking control of the problem. And guess what? OP cannot control everything that goes into her 16 year old daughter's mouth. This child is 16, not 4. OP can support her, educate her -- but she can't control her.

Some of the comments here are ridiculous. Who cares if OP is "in denial." Ultimately, this is not her problem. It's her daughter's problem. AND -- her daughter is doing something about it. All good.

I see both sides of what pp's are saying. She should absolutely be commended for losing the 35 lbs - that's a lot, and takes commitment and work. She doesn't deserve to be treated in any way that might embarrass her!

That said - you do seem to be in denial, OP. I am 5'7 and 175 lbs, struggling with weight as well. I'm a size 12-14. Your daughter is not a size 14 at 5'4 230 lbs, and she doesn't have good eating habits unless she has a serious metabolic issue. Her weight is a serious health issue that will likely only get worse as she gets older. I suspect that the doctors saw it as a health issue - similar to if she were say, wheezing or had a twisted limb or something when she presented with a condition somewhat unrelated.

I suspect that what the pp's you see as rude are trying to imply is that your being in denial about her weight isn't helping her. She should be commended but you both need to be realistic about her situation and keep supporting her - and that doesn't mean explaining and excusing the situation away.

Anonymous wrote:Also, she is not a size 14. Don't be ridiculous.

Thinking this is not an issue because she is "beautiful" is also stupid. This is a health issue, not a popularity contest.

My guess is that you have no idea what is really going on in her life or how she is losing the weight. Plug in NOW.

This is not YOUR mother. Get some therapy.

Anonymous wrote:Look I am overweight, ok. I still think you are wrong. Why isn't she working with a nutritionist or a doctor anyway? She needs support. From a therapist or someone qualified as well as a nutritionist. I think you are massively underestimating how serious this is. She will likely gain the weight back without proper guidance. Just starving herself for a few months won't cut it. She could also develop an eating disorder out of the dieting as well.

Stop cutting out medical professionals who only want to help. If she's always been overweight, then do some soul searching as to why. If this is new, she may be reacting to serious underlying psychological/emotional issues. Focusing on the weight blurs that. She could have been molested for all you know. Either way, get off your ass and help your child.

Being defensive about them calling her obese (when she is nearly morbidly obese!) is ridiculous. She is obese. You should be worried.

Go away trollie.

Also, she is not a size 14. Don't be ridiculous.

Thinking this is not an issue because she is "beautiful" is also stupid. This is a health issue, not a popularity contest.

My guess is that you have no idea what is really going on in her life or how she is losing the weight. Plug in NOW.

Look I am overweight, ok. I still think you are wrong. Why isn't she working with a nutritionist or a doctor anyway? She needs support. From a therapist or someone qualified as well as a nutritionist. I think you are massively underestimating how serious this is. She will likely gain the weight back without proper guidance. Just starving herself for a few months won't cut it. She could also develop an eating disorder out of the dieting as well.

Stop cutting out medical professionals who only want to help. If she's always been overweight, then do some soul searching as to why. If this is new, she may be reacting to serious underlying psychological/emotional issues. Focusing on the weight blurs that. She could have been molested for all you know. Either way, get off your ass and help your child.

Being defensive about them calling her obese (when she is nearly morbidly obese!) is ridiculous. She is obese. You should be worried.

Op, I am so sorry your dd went through this. I have had a life long battle with weight. PP are generally insensitive about weight and it seems really bad here in DC. I would have simply said, "we are addressing her weight," and moved on. I am rather shocked that they dismissed her weight loss and still sent the nutritionist. Your daughter can't lose all the weight overnight! It sounds like she is doing great. Give her a big hug for me. It isn't like our food culture is set up for weight loss success.

(It also really angers me when nurses or doctors make comments about my weight and they are heavy and/or smoke!!)

Op, just another parent here of a big kid who didn't like hearing the word obese thrown around by doctors. My son is only 8yo and has always been off the charts for height. In recent years his weight,which was never skinny but usually in the 75th percentile for his age, has crept up, and at his 8yo appointment he was 100th percentile for height and weight. Somewhere around 56 inches and 85lbs. His ped wasn't concerned but we are trying to make some healthy changes to prevent this from becoming something he can't just outgrow. But this summer he needed surgery, and the doctor made a point of calling him obese - to add insult to injury, He pointed this out when explaining why the surgery did not go as planned. I was livid, mostly because I was already worried about my son who had been under anesthesia for 2hours! But over time, I realized that the doctor was using clinical terminology to describe a clinical issue. I think sensitivity is important especially when dealing with kids at a difficult time. Good luck to your daughter!

Add my congratulations about your daughter's weight loss! 35 pounds over 4 months is a massive, massive achievement. Good for her! That takes determination and discipline. I'm sure she knows it's going to get harder with each 10-lb increment or so, so she should brace herself and not get discouraged when the weight loss slows down.

What might help her stay motivated is to remember that no matter what, she's in a better place than she was before she started. So if she reaches, say, 150, and plateaus, show her the clothes she wore when she was at her heaviest. That visual reminder of her accomplishment will help her keep going until she reaches that ideal, healthy weight.

I'm sure she has her weight-loss method in place, and it may already include the following, but here it is anyway: think about weight loss in 5 or 10-lb increments instead of: I'm going to weight 120 in x months. That big, ultimate goal can be really overwhelming and impossible during the early stages of weight loss. Think in terms of small, achievable goals. Hope this helps!

This can easily turn into a thread about weight. It carries a heavy stigma in our culture and is a very difficult issue to be struggling with privately as the whole world can see it and therefore feels its okay to comment on. I am sorry your DD has this issue- it sounds like she has a positive attitude and is doing well despite eternal negativity that people heap on overweight people. This must be hard as her mother to hear this. Many people don't understand the emotional aspects to being overweight or worse, they pathologize it but offer no compassion or support. Sorry, OP.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, she was in there for a head injury. But she also presented with a weight problem. It's not okay for a 16 year old to be 5'4" and weigh 230 (or 265) lbs. That is unhealthy. Her Body Mass Index is almost 40. Anything over 30 is obesity. Medical staff addressing this issue aren't being rude. They're doing their job.

You sound super defensive. Yes, your daughter has done a great job losing the 35 pounds. She still has work to do. Hopefully there's been some thought given as to what might have contributed to her being so overweight, ie stress, lonliness, poor self-image. Addressing the underlying emotions around overeating are just as important as eating healthy and exercising. Continue to focus your energy on supporting your daughter and her good eating habits.

You are a real piece of work. How do people get through the day without you running their lives? Imagine, this 16 year has managed to lose weight without you.

OP, from a Special Needs Mom (we know insensitivity)

-- you can and should refuse any consult you feel is inappropriate. "No thank you, we do not need to see a nutritionist. I will not pay for any consult you order."

-- you can and should call doctors on their insensitivity. "Please think about your tone."

-- you can and should remind doctors that you are on top of an issue and YOU are the authority on your child, not them.

-- you can and should tell doctors that you don't want your child lectured on certain issues.

-- you can and should think about the suggestion to have your 16-year treated in an adult facility. Children's might not any longer be the best facility for her.

OP, I encourage you to research the Health at Every Size movement. There are studies showing that "dieting" actually causes weight gain later on, because it changes the way the body processes food and the levels of hormones that control appetite and satiety. If your daughter continues to focus on enjoying physical activity and eating whole foods, she will most likely remain healthy.

http://www.haescommunity.org/

Anonymous wrote:Nurse again! I don't live in the DC area so can't help with practices. Do you have a PCP? I would start there and find out what age they start taking new patients. Some will say 16, others will be 17 or 18. If they start taking patients at 16, see if you can set up her yearly physical there and then get her medical records. I'd say that is your best bet or, if your nurse friends are in your area, see if they know of any good places.

To be honest (and don't tell my patients this!) I have not been to my PCP in years. I go to my OB regularly, but for vaccines and other small issues, I use the minute clinic. If I think I have an issue that might require a scan or invasive test of some sort, I go to urgent care. The whole song and dance with a PCP just wasn't worth it.

Btw...congrats to your daughter on her weight loss so far. That's fantastic! And I hope her head injury was nothing serious.

thanks again! (i think this is why DD wants to go into nursing, she is super nice too!) i will email her PCP in the morning. also, wth is up with that poster above? lol

Also OP, ignore the rude pp. I think its sad how some people treat overweight people like they are some sub human species. Lack of compassion in this world is pretty sad