People who are unemployed should not have cable tv! That is a waste of money. Your mom should keep the cable off. Then maybe your sister will get bored and get a job. I am unemployed and staying with a friend and have a strict rule for myself that I do not turn on the TV during normal working hours. If my friend wants to watch it when she gets home fine, but I don't let myself watch it and would never spend the money on it,

Anonymous wrote:Just out of curiosity, what is the grand illumination?

THe original thread from before Christmas last year. SOme moron reopened it.

Just out of curiosity, what is the grand illumination?

Perhaps your sister is jealous that your mother is in your life and not hers? Perhaps she views you having your mom living under your roof as mom likes you best? Your mother can handle her own finances. So long as your mother is happy with the job you've given her, great, but visit with your mom often to make sure she's really onboard with this caregiver role and you just aren't hearing what you want to hear because it makes your life easier.

P.S. Was your mother fine with the per-view movies? Really OP you are interfering. I see no evidence of mental illness, just a sense of entitlement. You seem to have one here, too, which is that you're acting like a parent, not a sibling.

OP,

It's your mother's job to handle your sister. Butt out. You would not believe the stories with my three siblings, one sister, two brothers.

Anonymous wrote:I understand your frustrations a lot. My sister is very similar in some ways. She does have OCD and depression, which adds to the problem. My mom has always felt guilty about how my sister turned out because she thinks she did something wrong. My mom had a long term disease and the stress caused by my sister's choices in life just added to things. To alleviate that stress I allowed my sister to move in with me.
Before she moved in I ended up packing everything for her because the day before the moving company was coming for her stuff she had only packed one box that I had "forced" her to pack two weeks before. I packed everything while she sat on her bed talking to her friends online. She didn't understand why I was mad and frustrated. To make it better I was "mean" because I was making her feel guilty. Oh I had also taken a day off of work to pack her and in addition to that I had previously wasted an entire weekend throwing away the garbage from her room, which consisted of 17 bags of garbage. She isn't a hoarder, she is just lazy. Most of the garbage was bags from fast food places that were either empty or still had some food left.
In addition to all of this I found out that she hadn't paid a ton of credit card bills and is still being chased around by collection agencies. I helped to pay some of them off, which too away my LASIK eye surgery fund.
When my irst mortgage payment came up, my sister lost her job because she had taken too much time off of work and would also get to work too late when she did go, this is after I kept telling her that she needed to be careful to not lose her job, especially in this economy. Instead of going to work she would stay up all hours of the night talking to her friends online, the same friends who have been cruel to her and at one point had made a website with a countdown to her suicide, which landed her in a hospital a few years ago.
I have paid too much money towards her life. While I work my butt off she stays at home sleeping all day only to wake up and chat online and look up new jobs on occasion. Then when I get home she wants to know what is for dinner or if I to her anything or can you go and get my medicine from Walgreens. If I say yes or no with any negative tone, then I am mean or a heartless bitch.
Recently I told her if she doesn't get a job or start paying rent and helping with bills, etc then she needs to move out and can no longer stay. I need to gt my own life back together. She of course said I was cruel and now she has that hanging over her head and she is soooooooo stressed out. I love my sister but I am getting to the point where I don't care about her problems. She needs to grow up. She is almost 40 years old.
She owes me over $5,000 at this time. Part of that is for her rent, but ost of it has been for her credit card debt, medication, and for the bed I bought for her. I figure when I kick her out, since she probably won't change, I will just have to recover my own losses. I am just sick of the fact tht she hasn't unpacked a single thing in the past 6 months and doesn't understand why I get mad when there are dirty dishes in her room and trash on the floor. I won't even get started on her bathroom. Anyway from one frustrated person to another, don't feel bad. You are a great person for helping a sibling and you need to concentrate on your own life and just let things roll. It sounds like you have tried all you can to help, but sometimes we need to let it all go, even when it is extremely unfair.

WTF!?!?!? OMG! She needs a new life.

I understand your frustrations a lot. My sister is very similar in some ways. She does have OCD and depression, which adds to the problem. My mom has always felt guilty about how my sister turned out because she thinks she did something wrong. My mom had a long term disease and the stress caused by my sister's choices in life just added to things. To alleviate that stress I allowed my sister to move in with me.
Before she moved in I ended up packing everything for her because the day before the moving company was coming for her stuff she had only packed one box that I had "forced" her to pack two weeks before. I packed everything while she sat on her bed talking to her friends online. She didn't understand why I was mad and frustrated. To make it better I was "mean" because I was making her feel guilty. Oh I had also taken a day off of work to pack her and in addition to that I had previously wasted an entire weekend throwing away the garbage from her room, which consisted of 17 bags of garbage. She isn't a hoarder, she is just lazy. Most of the garbage was bags from fast food places that were either empty or still had some food left.
In addition to all of this I found out that she hadn't paid a ton of credit card bills and is still being chased around by collection agencies. I helped to pay some of them off, which too away my LASIK eye surgery fund.
When my irst mortgage payment came up, my sister lost her job because she had taken too much time off of work and would also get to work too late when she did go, this is after I kept telling her that she needed to be careful to not lose her job, especially in this economy. Instead of going to work she would stay up all hours of the night talking to her friends online, the same friends who have been cruel to her and at one point had made a website with a countdown to her suicide, which landed her in a hospital a few years ago.
I have paid too much money towards her life. While I work my butt off she stays at home sleeping all day only to wake up and chat online and look up new jobs on occasion. Then when I get home she wants to know what is for dinner or if I to her anything or can you go and get my medicine from Walgreens. If I say yes or no with any negative tone, then I am mean or a heartless bitch.
Recently I told her if she doesn't get a job or start paying rent and helping with bills, etc then she needs to move out and can no longer stay. I need to gt my own life back together. She of course said I was cruel and now she has that hanging over her head and she is soooooooo stressed out. I love my sister but I am getting to the point where I don't care about her problems. She needs to grow up. She is almost 40 years old.
She owes me over $5,000 at this time. Part of that is for her rent, but ost of it has been for her credit card debt, medication, and for the bed I bought for her. I figure when I kick her out, since she probably won't change, I will just have to recover my own losses. I am just sick of the fact tht she hasn't unpacked a single thing in the past 6 months and doesn't understand why I get mad when there are dirty dishes in her room and trash on the floor. I won't even get started on her bathroom. Anyway from one frustrated person to another, don't feel bad. You are a great person for helping a sibling and you need to concentrate on your own life and just let things roll. It sounds like you have tried all you can to help, but sometimes we need to let it all go, even when it is extremely unfair.

Your mom needs to have Comcast pot a lock on movie rental privileges.

To me it reads like you are an overbearing, selfish, immature brat yourself. Like " look at me I am the perfect one."

My guess - your mom is too nice and would feel too guilty to turn down your offer just the same way she can't say no to your sister. I think both of you are taking advantage of her.

Your mom is an inabler and allowing the mooching.

Maybe your mom and your sister should switch. Your mom go back to her own home and your sister gets a job from you by taking care of Mrs. B and getting $400/week. She can watch all the movies she wants with that paycheck.

Your sister sounds very sad and depressed and she's taking her anger out on you. If she is not receptical to counseling, you may have to pull back for awhile. Sometimes relationships are just too toxic and it may be better for you to pull away and have your mom work these things our with your sister.

Is this real?

OP, okay, yes, you can worry about your mom but she's 66, not 86. Truly, what she spends on your sister is not your concern. Obviously, I wouldn't like the situation either, and I can see how one suggestion to just stop paying for cable is really exploding, but it sounds like this must be a build up of more than that.

As for the neice. Well, you've come on here giving, if it's true, an EXTREMELY detailed description of a woman, her two daughters, her mother, etc. Calling her daughter's home situation "unstable" and calling your sister selfish, immature, and other names. Whether or not she deserves all of these names you're calling her is not something I know. Maybe she does. But....if I were your sister, I would NOT want someone who felt the way you feel about your sister, who clearly talks about her with their mother, spending time with my kids!

If you really want to spend time with your nieces, why can't it be a package deal? Invite the sister and work on your relationship. She's your sister, after all, not just the mooch who is living off your mom (even if she's that, too).

Your sister sounds so far beyond reason! I'm curious, what would happen if you flat out told her, "You are a grown woman who is living off her mother and you should be ashamed of yourself." Would she have excuses as to why this is a temporary situation, or would she just start yelling at you?

She's probably depressed, so she's doing a little wallowing, hence the movies, and she's probably a little jealous of you, hence the ridiculous behavior. I can relate b/c I have a nutty sister too.

Regarding the money you pay your mom, you need to treat it as though it were going to someone unrelated to you. If you had someone come to clean your house, you couldn't weigh in on whether they spent all their paycheck on scratch tickets, booze, and cigarettes.

If you are over-paying your mother, or concerned that she isn't saving for her future, then change the amount you pay her and put some of it in a savings account. If you're mother spends what she has on your sister, that's her choice.

Continue to include your sister and her kids. Hopefully, she'll get her life together. Fingers crossed!