Typical drama like in DH's family. And it never ends because you keep feeding each others behavior.

You all deserve each other.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're rewarding this behavior. You have a choice. Stop.

+1. All parties involved sound like they thrive on drama.

OP sounds like this is the last thing on earth she wants to deal with. There is an Asian undertone here that some are missing -- having married into the same culture, this stuff happens. OP - you don't sound like you want to be bothered or that you want the invite to be extended again so just use the hurricane as an excuse -- it's a long drive; there are gas shortages and road closures that will make it longer etc. Assuming this is not in a beach town, some of these will not be valid excuses as things are going to be better in 7 days but use them anyway.

Anonymous wrote:You're rewarding this behavior. You have a choice. Stop.

+1. All parties involved sound like they thrive on drama.

OP, if this were half an hour a way fine. But it's 4 hours away. If you and your family don't really want to go, call and use Hurricane Sandy as the excuse. I think you're going way out of your way just to say, "Hi" to people whom you aren't close with any more.

I'm Pakistani - so I have a bit of background - I think you should call dear old auntie and say "hi auntie X, so my Ammi was telling me that you said we shouldn't come to the ceremony or cocktail hour, bit she was confused, so I thOught I should ask - what part would you like us to attend?"

Force her to say dinner abd then sat, very regretfully, that you actually can't stay for dinner bc you have an early work thing the next day.

I love how people feel ok treating their “old” friends like this because they know you have been there long enough that you won’t just ditch them. How much do you want to bet the bride/groom’s college/work friends aren’t being treated this way? If they acted like this to their new friends, they won’t have anyone to hang out with after they return from their honeymoon. Don’t feel bad about ditching it altogether - even if it costs them money - or going just for a short while (though how short can it be given the driving time)?

Fuck that. I'm from South Jersey. I wouldn't drive four hours for a stupid 90 minute reception - after I'd been disinvited from the ceremony and cocktail hour- and then have to turn around at 9pm and drive four hours to get home. She doesn't want you there. Don't go. These people aren't even your family, why are you putting up with her crap?

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. Were you invited to just the reception? Or to the wedding ceremony and reception? I would attend whatever events I indicated I would attend via an RSVP.

OP here -- we were invited to the ceremony, cocktail hour and reception and listened to all sorts of insistence about how we had to attend the whole thing so we RSVP-ed yes. Now that invite has been narrowed just to the reception. I am certainly not going to anything more than the dinner reception and would love to be done with it in 60-90 minutes. The wedding is big (don't know how big) but she will know if we aren't there -- we are expected to at least go say hi, not to mention they'll know the place cards weren't taken. But I'm hoping that if we say our hellos, stay for a bit and leave, no one will notice since it will be a pretty big function, I would think.

You're rewarding this behavior. You have a choice. Stop.

OP, I'm Indian, and I've had experiences with people like this. Just go to the reception, eat dinner, pray there's booze, and leave - make sure you take your placecard/favor so they know you were there. No one will know that you weren't at the wedding, so they can't guilt trip you. This is how we do most Indian weddings that aren't family. Who wants to go to the super long and boring ceremony anyway?

Every Indian wedding I've been to has had 300 or more guests at the reception-is she even going to notice if you're there? Or is this not a big wedding?

Like the other post said, make this your last function with them. She sounds a lot like an Indian woman I used to work with... I totally understand your frustration.

Honestly, even if this woman weren't so ridiculous, you may very well may want to check the state of the roads, etc. NJ has sustained a lot of damage. I wouldn't take her word for it, but do a google search on the location you're headed to.

If your family needs to bail, send them a nice gift and leave it at that.