Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD was 20 pounds overweight in high school. Her doctor told her she needed to lose the weight, but she wasn't motivated. I got her a gym membership, offered to go with her, invited her to go on walks, etc. It made it worse. She lost 20+ lbs in college during her freshman year. She cut out carbs and ate healthier, plus she joined a not so competitive swim team on campus. She is a college senior and continues to eat healthy and maintain her weight. She did this on her own.

Although she did do it by herself, don't necessarily discount all the encouragement you gave her earlier.
Sometimes it just takes a while (or something happening) before it all "clicks" and makes sense to her.
Then all those things you had suggested, and talked to her about get implemented.

I do think there are a lot of girls that gain hormonal weight from around 14-18---chubby face is classic of it. I came into my own in my early 20s too. I was a very serious athlete from elem-sophmore year in HS..then I filled out (by no means fat--but 10-15 lbs more). Junior year in college I really paid attention to nutrition. I had always exercised and loved running. By the time I graduated college I was lean, mean fighting machine and took up running marathons. I have stayed the same exact weight for the past 20 years. It is now at 42 that I find I really have to watch what I eat again. I was the classic late bloomer like the other poster---it was weird to be viewed as 'totally hot' after just 'cute, girl next door, slightly chubby' with no dates in HS. I had so much attention in my 20s/30s that was never there in HS. I also would get the 'oh you never had to worry about weight' from people that met me post-college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say lay off completely. She knows how much she weighs and there is literally nothing you can do, it has to come from her. If you tell her to change her diet or exercise or comment in any way she will get the message "my mom thinks I'm fat."

That kind of pressure can also spark anorexia which is a far more dangerous condition. I know several girls who went from chubby to very, very sick with anorexia. You need to be mindful of this.

Honestly, this is your baggage, not hers. She'e fine, she doesn't care. You are focused on her weight because, I suspect, you are focused on your own weight and you want her to be as thin as you. She sees this as your issue and it is creating conflict. Telling her over and over again that she needs to lose weight (I'm sure you think the message isn't that explicit when you couch it as eating healthy or exercising, but that is almost certainly the message she is receiving) could backfire in a host of ways. You can't win this, she is her own person. Accept her as she ie.

I think it normal for a parent to worry about their child being unhealthy. A sedentary life, increasing weight and questionable eating habits aren't a good foundation for a healthy life. It sounds like PP you are very sensitive about weight issues and that is where your perspective that parents shouldn't be involved in the health of their children comes from.

How old is your daughter OP? 13 or 17 makes a big difference.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD was 20 pounds overweight in high school. Her doctor told her she needed to lose the weight, but she wasn't motivated. I got her a gym membership, offered to go with her, invited her to go on walks, etc. It made it worse. She lost 20+ lbs in college during her freshman year. She cut out carbs and ate healthier, plus she joined a not so competitive swim team on campus. She is a college senior and continues to eat healthy and maintain her weight. She did this on her own.

Although she did do it by herself, don't necessarily discount all the encouragement you gave her earlier.
Sometimes it just takes a while (or something happening) before it all "clicks" and makes sense to her.
Then all those things you had suggested, and talked to her about get implemented.

Anonymous wrote:My DD was 20 pounds overweight in high school. Her doctor told her she needed to lose the weight, but she wasn't motivated. I got her a gym membership, offered to go with her, invited her to go on walks, etc. It made it worse. She lost 20+ lbs in college during her freshman year. She cut out carbs and ate healthier, plus she joined a not so competitive swim team on campus. She is a college senior and continues to eat healthy and maintain her weight. She did this on her own.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These days, teen girls are just heavier than they were 20 years ago when I was in high school. I also notice that girls tend to not care if they wear tight clothing or have muffin tops. When I was a teen, no girl in her right mind would walk around with a muffin top and not care.

So maybe she looks around and sees her size is comparable to other girls her age and sees no reason to change.

I so agree with this. I seriously don't know any muffin tops back in the mid-80s when I was in HS. Looking back at my HS yearbook, there was maybe only 1 obese kid--and almost zero chubbies.

OP- I have boys so it is probably different--but do you do outdoor activities together?? DH and I have always spent a good portion of weekends runnign around outside with our boys---playing hide-n-seek, family soccer matches, tennis at the courts, etc. We also walk a lot. I also make sure they do somethign physical outside everyday. My oldest is 7. Does she like bike riding, roller blading, swimming? I also don't keep junk food in the house. They will find it outside of the house--the best you can do is keep a healthy home.

I agree not to bring it up directly to her. Just do things to help---serve healthier meals, be more active, watch portion sizes, etc. Girls can be VERY sensitive. I know I was as a kid/teen. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:These days, teen girls are just heavier than they were 20 years ago when I was in high school. I also notice that girls tend to not care if they wear tight clothing or have muffin tops. When I was a teen, no girl in her right mind would walk around with a muffin top and not care.

So maybe she looks around and sees her size is comparable to other girls her age and sees no reason to change.

Anonymous wrote:My DD was 20 pounds overweight in high school. Her doctor told her she needed to lose the weight, but she wasn't motivated. I got her a gym membership, offered to go with her, invited her to go on walks, etc. It made it worse. She lost 20+ lbs in college during her freshman year. She cut out carbs and ate healthier, plus she joined a not so competitive swim team on campus. She is a college senior and continues to eat healthy and maintain her weight. She did this on her own.

Anonymous wrote:My DD was 20 pounds overweight in high school. Her doctor told her she needed to lose the weight, but she wasn't motivated. I got her a gym membership, offered to go with her, invited her to go on walks, etc. It made it worse. She lost 20+ lbs in college during her freshman year. She cut out carbs and ate healthier, plus she joined a not so competitive swim team on campus. She is a college senior and continues to eat healthy and maintain her weight. She did this on her own.

Anonymous wrote:I say lay off completely. She knows how much she weighs and there is literally nothing you can do, it has to come from her. If you tell her to change her diet or exercise or comment in any way she will get the message "my mom thinks I'm fat."

That kind of pressure can also spark anorexia which is a far more dangerous condition. I know several girls who went from chubby to very, very sick with anorexia. You need to be mindful of this.

Honestly, this is your baggage, not hers. She'e fine, she doesn't care. You are focused on her weight because, I suspect, you are focused on your own weight and you want her to be as thin as you. She sees this as your issue and it is creating conflict. Telling her over and over again that she needs to lose weight (I'm sure you think the message isn't that explicit when you couch it as eating healthy or exercising, but that is almost certainly the message she is receiving) could backfire in a host of ways. You can't win this, she is her own person. Accept her as she ie.

Anonymous wrote:I say lay off completely. She knows how much she weighs and there is literally nothing you can do, it has to come from her. If you tell her to change her diet or exercise or comment in any way she will get the message "my mom thinks I'm fat."

That kind of pressure can also spark anorexia which is a far more dangerous condition. I know several girls who went from chubby to very, very sick with anorexia. You need to be mindful of this.

Honestly, this is your baggage, not hers. She'e fine, she doesn't care. You are focused on her weight because, I suspect, you are focused on your own weight and you want her to be as thin as you. She sees this as your issue and it is creating conflict. Telling her over and over again that she needs to lose weight (I'm sure you think the message isn't that explicit when you couch it as eating healthy or exercising, but that is almost certainly the message she is receiving) could backfire in a host of ways. You can't win this, she is her own person. Accept her as she ie.