Oh OP, thanks for the update! It's such a hard, hard road.

Did ya hear the one about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

(I'll show myself out)

Hi everyone. OP here with an update. We transferred one Grade D (at GW that's the top rating) embryo last week. Honestly, I have to say that looking at that little shining embie on the monitor was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I felt like I was looking at the North Star. I know it was only the air bubbles we were seeing, but it was really profound.

Anyway, beta is next week but we got a BFP on a HPT at 6dp5dt (yesterday). We are hopeful but pretty scared too. I had some light spotting yesterday and freaked out. It seems to have stopped though and it was all brown blood. We're excited, of course, but also realistic and I feel a little sad at the innocence we've lost. I wish I could feel the unfettered joy that I see in so many other women when they see that BFP. Our RE has encouraged us to laugh as much as possible though, so DH has us on a marathon of Up All Night and my BFF has been sending me a joke a day. I took today off work to do Christmas stuff too. Just trying to stay relaxed and to keep breathing.

Thanks for the tremendous support everyone. There simply is no one else who understands like you all do.

I did DE, and have beautiful twins, now teenagers. Lupron is an evil beast -- when I was on it, and old friend came to visit, she thought I was having *a serious mental problem* Her concern so shook me up that I made an illegal lane change, and got to explain that to a (fortunately nice) cop. All I can say about Lupron is hang in there, and if you have the thought ... now is the time to tell somebody off, wait until the Luporn wears off. {{{{Hugs}}} and best of luck this time.

PP--I am in the process of moving on to DE as well. While I'm thrilled at higher success rates, it's bittersweet for me as well.

What keeps me going is reading donor egg forums--everyone went through the bittersweet--and without exception, everyone is thrilled with the results, with most wishing they'd gone to DE sooner.

I just trust that what I'm hearing is how I will feel. I'm running completely on faith, that the child will feel as much mine as it would have from my own eggs. It wasn't my first choice, but I'm just trusting God that it will feel like that when I have the BFP, and then, when I'm holding the baby in my arms to whom no one else, anywhere, has a claim as a parent. Because it will have been mine from the moment it's conceived, and its life will have grown inside me, and I will be the one to give it life.

OP here. Good news and bad. A very good friend of mine recently received very frightening news about her pregnancy. We've been fertility buddies and it was so exciting when she finally got her BFP and then graduated to the OB. Now things look very dark. If you pray or have good karma to send, please do.

As for us, we heard today that retrieval is Sunday! 18-23 follicles. Our nurse told us that two other women are pregnant from this donor so she has a good track record. I went to the florist today to get her flowers. DH is going to pick up a gift certificate for her tomorrow. We just want to say thank you for what's she's done for us. Starting to feel like it's getting real. It's bittersweet though.

Anonymous wrote:Hang in there OP! I was in a similar situation: 3 months on Lupron for the DE process, major headaches and insomnia, retrieval that was originally intended to happen in September getting pushed to October. I am now pregnant and things are looking good for the pregnancy. It WILL happen for you. Just keep focusing on the end goal.

OP here. This story is really inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing.

And thanks to all of you for your kindness and good wishes. It's really helped me keep going through all of this. I hope we all get good news very soon.

Hang in there OP! I was in a similar situation: 3 months on Lupron for the DE process, major headaches and insomnia, retrieval that was originally intended to happen in September getting pushed to October. I am now pregnant and things are looking good for the pregnancy. It WILL happen for you. Just keep focusing on the end goal.

you're almost there OP, such a tough journey for you, i hope you update us with GREAT news in a few weeks, best of luck

OP here. Thanks so much for checking in. The Lupron side effects got a lot better after we went to the lower dosage. Unfortunately, our donor's estrogen was a little high at baseline this week so we're slowing down a bit. That was a little disheartening because this process has already been pretty long. The thought of ten or so more days of shots is daunting. 45+ days of lupron is a lot.

Right now we're looking at transfer on Thanksgiving day though. DH was teasing me last night that if we get a BFP we'll have to name our little one Thanky or Santa Maria. I'm sure there's a turkey baster joke in there too.

Anyway, I guess the news is that we're still waiting.

Bumping this for OP. we are rooting for you! How are you?

I hope you are doing better today, OP!

Anonymous wrote:iF is a second job which costs you financially, spiritually, physically, emotionally.

I agree with this 1000%. It's a second job that - if you're not confiding in many people, or anyone beyond your partner - no one knows about. I'm sorry you had a rough time with the Lupron, OP, and I'm so glad you're feeling better. I hope your BFP is just around the corner.

Thanks everyone. We switched to the lower lupron dose and estrogen this weekend and the headaches finally seem under control. I also slept for almost nine hours last night for the first time since September. That was badly needed. Hoping I can get a few more nights like that. Feeling ok today. Just trying not focus on the fact that we are still three weeks away from R&T. Thanks for all the support. It really helped. - OP

It's a heck of a rollercoaster ride, this whole infertility struggle, but just wait for that miracle. It happens to many people and it can happen to you.

You sound like such a nice person OP! Best of luck to you, you are in my thoughts.