Anonymous wrote:Chipotle mom?

OOOOOOOoooooo! Good call! Chipotle mom, is that you?

He "swore it was probably not him" and yet he had stopped using condoms with her. You believed him all these years without either of you actually pursuing the truth.

Now you are going to stay with the man you hate for two years until your teenagers are launched out of the house.

You have zero compassion for the child that it seems your husband fathered during your separation and you seem to have zero curiosity to determine if he is the father of twins with the OW from separation #2.

He's scared, just saying no $ to her, not telling you.

Ugh, ugh, and more ugh.

I don't have any advice except DO THE RIGHT THING.

Doing the right thing, since you can't seem to figure this out on your own, is understanding that your husband has a moral and legal obligation to support any and all of his children, whether or not both of you have preferred to stick your heads in the sand for these many long years. Hating him or leaving him will not make this obligation go away.

Chipotle mom?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Innocent children are, indeed, punished for the sins of the parents. This is so heartbreaking. If only adults treated "I want to have sex with you" as the equivalent to "I want to have a baby with you," so much pain and suffering could be avoided.

Every child has the right to be born to her parents who love her and care for her. That fundamental right is violated ALL THE TIME. Why don't we care more about what innocent children deserve?

Unfortunately, people change. They deteriorate, they break down, they make horrible choices.

CAN. She can get.

Anonymous wrote:Well, I was supportive of you previously but I think your attitude really stinks. You seem very entitled, bitter and selfish. I can imagine that you're very upset...but the "good luck to her" is ridiculous. I'm not being sarcastic when I say that. Yes. Good luck to her. If your husband is the father, he knew it was a strong possiblity but chose to ignore that fact and his child, I hope she not only takes him and you for future child support but every penny she is due from the last 12 years. Yes, good luck to her. She is more a victim than you, madam.

I'm just tired. He lied claimed he was different. He was supposed to tell me about contact. He swore it was probably not him. Now he's scared and I know why. He me all along.
I've done all I can for my boys. She can't get what's left.

Well, I was supportive of you previously but I think your attitude really stinks. You seem very entitled, bitter and selfish. I can imagine that you're very upset...but the "good luck to her" is ridiculous. I'm not being sarcastic when I say that. Yes. Good luck to her. If your husband is the father, he knew it was a strong possiblity but chose to ignore that fact and his child, I hope she not only takes him and you for future child support but every penny she is due from the last 12 years. Yes, good luck to her. She is more a victim than you, madam.

She apparently asked for money several weeks ago. He claims he told her no. But, he never bothered to tell me about the contact.
She did not follow up just sued for the test. But I know the money is next.
Hate him and good luck to her.

OP he needs to take a paternity test and then move forward and support the child if it's his.

Sorry you are going through this but yeah I agree with posters who said it came up years ago and sounds like you both wanted to put your heads into the sand.

"She also asked him if he had told me about the other woman from our last separation and her twins"

Is it possible he also is the father of twins from the other woman? He should follow up on that as well and take a pat test there if appropriate.

If he lied to you, it's likely he lied to the other woman/women about his status and likely did not use birth control with them so it's certainly possible he is the father of one or more children. Get the pat test and deal with the results. It's also possible the women he was sleeping with had other guys so there's a chance he is not the father...

I think you need to get a paternity test before you decide you hate him.

It doesn't sound like the woman tried very hard to pursue paternity / support. Just like you were uncertain, your husband was uncertain too. You knew about the child the entire time - did you push for him to get involved? I am not sure why you started hating him now because she filed for support - you have known the whole scenario all along.

If you were fully separated and heading towards divorce then he may not have felt he was cheating. many separated people date - I may not agree with it but many think it is okay.

i think you need to work through your feelings about this, rather than just deciding you hate him. And get a paternity test stat.

Was there a paternity test? You don't mention if one was actually carried out. I ask because an ex-girlfriend contatacted me several years ago demanding back support for her 16 year old daughter. She was POSITIVE that I was the father (only guy she had been with at that time ect ect).

Well after the 99.4% non match she had to back off quickly.

Why wait two years??

Honey...life is too short.
Do you really want to waste another two years with this loser?

Your youngest is practically an adult and can even get a job now.

I would move on....

Anonymous wrote:You were separated. You had moved in with your parents. I don't think he bore you any responsibility to remain celibate.

But he was still married. And any time he had sex, he risked a child. And therefore, he did have an obligation to be celibate, and as a result of violating that obligation, an innocent child has had to be born into a chaotic, unstable situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh and I seperated off and on years ago. At one point we reconciled and a woman he had been dating claimed to be pregant with his child.
She contacted him immediately after birth and he told her if she wanted money she had to have a paternity test and that we wanted custody.
The baby is now 12. He was served for support last week.
I hate him.
Our youngest is 16. I'm not sure I can wait 2 more years to go.

I am not sure what this means. Some people agree they can date when separated, which to me is a terrible idea. Was this your agreement? Right now you are in a state of shock because your entire world has been turned upside down. But you need to think long term. Why do you hate him? Is there more to this story? Were you planning to leave in two years anyway?

We were seperated. I moved in with my parents and the kids.
He dated people both times. I didn't not that the first time we got back together and I had our second.
He said the baby wasn't his but it looks just like her with accents him. I also saw the email where she told him she hadn't dated anybody else . She also asked him if he had told me about the other woman from our last separation and her twins. He denied dating anybody else then but admitted it in counseling.
He swears he didn't think the baby was his. When she didn't contact us again I believed him.
There is no reason for her to do this now unless he is the father and she needs help.
I hate him because he ruined our family
I hate him because he abandoned that baby
I hate him because I believed him

and you did nit INSIST he take a paternity test?
I feel sorry for you but you went into this knowing thus was a possibikity...plus whobthreatens tonto take someone's kid, then don't take the paternity test!
sounds like a lot if dysfunction and denial.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but you shouldn't have threatened to take her and your husband's child. That was wrong. I also don't understand how you and dh could be aware he has a child some where that he isn't fathering. An innocent child. That's actually what disturbs me about your situation. Plus, your kids had a sibling they never got to know. Very selfish.

Exactly!

You were separated. You had moved in with your parents. I don't think he bore you any responsibility to remain celibate.