OP here. Thank you for all the responses. I am very grateful to my mom and SIL for throwing this shower for me. I'm uncomfortable demanding they invite the in laws when apparently they don't want to. I feel like my place is to show up, open presents, and thank everyone profusely. No?

and yes, this is everyone's first grandchild and nephew on both sides.

I get along great with the in laws, no issue there. It's been suggested I owe DH an apology but I don't feel like I did anything wrong, except get caught between families. Thx again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised at all the replies saying you have to invite your DH's family. If they are relatively close by, sure. My DH's friends and family are throwing us a shower in TX and it never occurred to me to invite my mom and sister, who live in SC. (Though I did invite my brother and future SIL to the one in TX because they live in the same town.) My friends here are hosting a shower for us and neither family will be invited to that one, and I love them all dearly.

Even when family live far away, it is a courtesy and respectful to invite them. I have two SIL's who live on the west coast. I have received invitations to showers, etc., for them and I have greatly appreciated being included. It allows me to send a gift that can be opened at the shower. I want to be part of their lives, and being included on the invitation, sending a gift, etc., goes a long way - at least for me.

Ditto. My SIL lives in SF, and I still got an invitation to her bridal shower. I didn't attend, but I appreciated the gesture and would have felt insulted if I hadn't been included.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you not invite your MIL and SIL? If I were your husband, I'd be pretty annoyed.

+1. I can't believe you were thinking of not inviting them. My mother and I (and I think a couple other close female relatives) went to a shower for my sister-in-law, thrown by her family. It would never have occurred to me that we wouldn't be invited to the shower for my first niece/nephew.

Totally agree. You have NO say who is invited to your shower?!? It's your mom who is throwing it? Say "mom, I would really mean a lot to me, my husband and to his family if we could invite his mom and sister." I can't believe you WOULDN'T invite them, your husband is totally right on this. If 2 hours is too far, they'll decline.

Agree!

Hi, OP. In my experience the "mothers of the bride/groom" or the "grandmothers of the baby" are kind of expected to be invited to all family-type events. If your friends throw you a separate shower, that's probably different.

Your husband is right.

i think you just suck it up and do it...how much would it cost to add two potential people to a guest list anyway? husband needs to chill out a little though...no need to get livid over a baby shower.

I'm sure you get the point by now, but I totally agree with your husband, you are in the wrong here. It is esp generous of him to offer to pay for them, but I hope you dont take him up on that, they should 100% be included! Also, its your mom and SIL, they should understand and should have thought of inviting them already!

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised at all the replies saying you have to invite your DH's family. If they are relatively close by, sure. My DH's friends and family are throwing us a shower in TX and it never occurred to me to invite my mom and sister, who live in SC. (Though I did invite my brother and future SIL to the one in TX because they live in the same town.) My friends here are hosting a shower for us and neither family will be invited to that one, and I love them all dearly.

Even when family live far away, it is a courtesy and respectful to invite them. I have two SIL's who live on the west coast. I have received invitations to showers, etc., for them and I have greatly appreciated being included. It allows me to send a gift that can be opened at the shower. I want to be part of their lives, and being included on the invitation, sending a gift, etc., goes a long way - at least for me.

Were your in-laws invited to your wedding if your family paid for it?

I would be livid too if I were your husband. I think it is rude and divisive and would rightly piss off your MIL and your SIL as well. Don't you want a good relationship with these people? Two years from now you'll be on here complaining how they exclude you from family events and they never volunteer to watch your offspring for free. Good grief.

What on earth was your mother thinking? You have several problems, OP. Easy fix to the first, have the invites sent. Then apologize to your husband. Third, make sure your mother doesn't plan to behave this way in the future. Remind her that this baby is the grandchild if both sides of the family.

I'm really surprised at all the replies saying you have to invite your DH's family. If they are relatively close by, sure. My DH's friends and family are throwing us a shower in TX and it never occurred to me to invite my mom and sister, who live in SC. (Though I did invite my brother and future SIL to the one in TX because they live in the same town.) My friends here are hosting a shower for us and neither family will be invited to that one, and I love them all dearly.

Anonymous wrote:"Sure it's not proper etiquette to add guests to the guest list but it's your mom and your SIL throwing it, not just friends."

Also not proper etiquette for family members to host wedding/baby showers.

Exactly.

And unless it is known that there will be another shower thrown by DH's side of the family, it is incredibly thoughtless not to invite the in-laws. Unless the relationship is incredibly strained (or estranged, as at my house), they should be included and you need to push for it. I'm guessing this is your mom's first grandchild? Sharing and combining family events (even when you really don't want to at all) is par for the course when kids get involved.

I think you have your answer, OP. Call your mom, and ask her to invite them.

Anonymous wrote:"Sure it's not proper etiquette to add guests to the guest list but it's your mom and your SIL throwing it, not just friends."

Also not proper etiquette for family members to host wedding/baby showers.

It's terribly mean to leave out other family members for a family only shower. MIL and the sisters are also family and should be invited. This is crazy and awful and OP should be apologizing profusely to her husband, her MIL and her SILs.