Anonymous
Post 10/05/2012 16:15     Subject: If you like your custody schedule, please share what it looks like and your kids' ages?
Anonymous wrote:OP here.. I wish co-parenting well was possible, but he is a raging co-dependent/ Borderline. I should have stated that I am trying to find a schedule that puts the kids first and works well for their lives/ school/ stress/ activities/ friends. I've put forth 3-4 iterations and while none are perfect, some are better than others, and he's red-lined all of them. He is focused on staying at or above 140 nts per year, so obviously manipulating child support is his primary goal.

I don't think there's a schedule out there I haven't mulled over trying to find one that meets everyone's needs. It's frustrating to me that I'm willing to make concessions that benefit the kids and reduce my time with them, and he only focuses on how many overnights he gets and what that costs him each month. No matter that he works 70 hrs /wk and I WAHM, better they sit in his empty house with a sitter than stay with me until he can come get them himself.

UGH... I know it's not ever easy, but this seems incredibly hard to strike a balance that doesn't sell out the kids.


"better they sit in his empty house...."

Ask for "right of first refusal" in the custody agreement. He gets 140 nights, but if either of you can't be with the kids on "your night" you have to give the other parent the first opportunity to stay with them. This way he gets his number of nights, but if he cares as little as he does, he will start finding excuses to let you have them instead of using sitter.

Anonymous
Post 10/05/2012 14:04     Subject: If you like your custody schedule, please share what it looks like and your kids' ages?
Week 1
M-M
T-M
W-M
T-D
F-D
S-D
S-D

Week 2
M-M
T-M
W-D
T-M
F-M
S-M
S-M

then repeat; & we each can opt for 2 weeks vacation in the summer.
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2012 10:00     Subject: If you like your custody schedule, please share what it looks like and your kids' ages?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would only agree to lower child support if he gave up time. It will benefit your kids because they won't have to go back and forth as much. The disruption in their lives is not worth the extra money, and it's not like he won't be in their lives, just not an exhausting (for the kids) back and forth. They will do better in school, sports, etc.


these opinions may be true for some kids and families but it is not a fact of how it will be .

My child does very well in school, is well adjusted,participates in multiple activities, and has been unaffected by the back and forth. If anything i things hes better off for it. since both parents get breaks neither gets burnt out.

its not exhausting he has his own space at both homes, his own toys, bed, clothes, etc. I dont see why its harder to go one place then another.



Disagree completely - every effort should be made to include 2 active parents as much as they can and desire to do so. My ex refuses to co-parent with me on anything & rarely communicates with me on much of anything. Almost all my exchanges are through natural intermediaries-- but otherwise I don't see why custody would or should be reduced.
Anonymous
Post 10/04/2012 16:12     Subject: Re:If you like your custody schedule, please share what it looks like and your kids' ages?
We do a 50-50 split, one full week with me and one full week with dad. We live close to one another (a matter of blocks) and that makes it easier. DS is 3, but has always been a super flexible, resiliant kid. I do find that I pay for a lot more of DS's incidentals (clothing, rec center classes on weekends), but it doesn't seem worth it to make an issue of it since ex and I generally get along ok and he is decent about having DS for extra days if I have to work late etc.