OP here. I want to give an update. DD talked to the counselor and the counselor talked to her teacher. I followed up with an email because I was still quite angry yesterday. I also wanted to hear her best arguments for insisting on calling dd "Susan".

This is not a case of simple name mix up. DD told me that in previous years her teachers had mixed up names before but this time it is very different. We are Chinese and dd is the only Chinese student in the class. There are no other Asian students in the same class. DD stands out by default as the only Asian student. There is no logical reason for her to remember the other 21 names perfectly well but not dd's.

Even after the counselor and I both approached the teacher yesterday, she still managed to call my daughter "Susan" again. It is almost as if she's making an effort to call her the wrong name.

I am going to give it a couple more days to see if the situation improves. If not, my next step is to talk to the principal and try to switch dd to another class.

Thanks everyone for your advice. I really appreciate it.

Anonymous wrote:Agree w/ 20:52.
I am a teacher.

+1, I'm a teacher who had 50+ names to learn every year, many of which were similar sounding.

OP, shaking in anger over this is overreacting. Calm down and approach the teacher in a kind manner. This is not something that should be addressed in an email. Some of us are not as good with names as others, and it takes us a while to connect the name with the face.

Agree w/ 20:52.
I am a teacher.

I agree with PPs who recommend addressing it with the teacher, but treading lightly. Don't come at her angry, because that will just put the teacher in defense mode and she may hate your DD thereafter. Rather, I would approach it like:

Hey, I feel awful having to bring this up and I don't mean to make you feel bad, but my DD, "________," told me her feelings are hurt because you called her Susan a few times by accident. I know it's a big class, but she is sensitive so please try to remember to call her _______.

Sometimes, after a particularly hard day, I mix up my own kids' names.

18:19 again- I also very occasionally mix up when saying names of two other boys whose names pretty much rhyme and both are blond. It's not so easy as people think.

I have an Elllie, Ella, Bella and Stella in one class. They took pity on me and Ellie said I can call her by her full first name, and Bella said I can call her Isabelle. Still screwing them up even with that.

I still mix up a few of my kids names sometimes. For example, I have two boys with Z names that sounds similar, two girls with S names that sound similar, and another two boys with S names that sound similar and as it happens these two boys look alike! All these names have origins from another country and are very unique to me. In all cases, the names of the kids I sometimes mix up have the same number of syllables. It just happens when there is so much going on in the room with 28 kids at once sometimes. But I always catch myself and self correct right away. AND I apologize. I also have some memory issues from a medication I took in the past so names take longer for me. Not saying this is the case with your child's teacher at all, but just wanted to give you another perspective.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't disagree with your sentiment, OP, but until you actually talk to the teacher it's hard to know what's really going on.

OP here. Completely agree. I tried calling the teacher this evening but she has already left. I am so angry I am literally shaking. It's late now and I really need to vent. I do need to talk to her. I will make sure she gets her name right even if we change to a different class!

It's great that you're working on calming down, OP, since this reaction is extreme. Remember that you're modeling reaction behavior that she's going to end up internalizing. The only information you have is that your child's teacher is calling your daughter by the wrong name. Unless there are other problems you're not mentioning in this thread, that's all you know. At this point, it's anybody's guess why this is happening - possibilities range all over the map. The reasons don't have to be malevolent, they could also be benign.

Anonymous wrote:I would write a letter to the teacher and cc the principal. Explain that you are disappointed that after you had discussed this with her once before and that since your daughter corrects her everyday that you feel it is extremely disrespectful and unprofessional for this teacher to continue to call your child the wrong name. Reiterate that this is hurting your child's feelings and self-image and that teachers need to be a positive influence on their students, not a negative one. Say that you expect her to be more respectful and call your child by the correct name or your next step will be to lodge a complaint with both the teacher's union and the school board.

Elementary school principal here-- Do not do this. Yet. Have the face to face conversation. Follow 23:20's suggestions. THEN if the problem continues, bring in the principal. Cite the face to face conversation as in "We met on October 3rd, and I shared that she was continually calling Susan by the name "Mary." It's been over a week, and the problem is continuing. it's not okay for my daughter to be called a name other than her own. She feels ignored."

Please do not say your next step is to lodge a complaint. Give the principal a chance to resolve it if the teacher doesn't correct it on her own. Your first interaction with the principal should not include threats to "lodge a complaint". You'll come off as crazy and more importantly, is that really your first "go to" in problem solving? A threat?

Good luck OP.

Don't call, email so there is a paper trail. Ask in a non threatening way if there as been a mix up on her roster because she is not calling your daughter by her given name. There is no excuse for calling her by the wrong name. I would talk to your child and tell her not to respond to the teacher if she is not called by her name. So if the teacher tells her, "Susan come pass out papers" tell her NOT to get up or respond. Tell your child that you will support her even if she gets in trouble with the teacher. My husband teaches middle school and has 166 students. After the third week of school if he calls a student by the wrong name he gives them a mini candy bar. It motivates him to learn their names and it makes the quieter kids feel better when he messes up. After the first six weeks he rarely messes up, although occasionally he has problems calling students by their older sibling's name, if he taught the older sibling of the same gender in previous years.

I would be furious, OP. But stay calm. Talk to the principal. The teacher should be apologetic and embarrassed about such a basic mistake.

I would write a letter to the teacher and cc the principal. Explain that you are disappointed that after you had discussed this with her once before and that since your daughter corrects her everyday that you feel it is extremely disrespectful and unprofessional for this teacher to continue to call your child the wrong name. Reiterate that this is hurting your child's feelings and self-image and that teachers need to be a positive influence on their students, not a negative one. Say that you expect her to be more respectful and call your child by the correct name or your next step will be to lodge a complaint with both the teacher's union and the school board.

Teacher here, OP make sure you have a conversation with the teacher but do not approach this in a threatening way. Teachers are not all the same, some are very petty and your confrontation could have a negative outcome. I would suggest a different approach, " I know it has to be hard to keep up with so many different kids and personalities! "Mary tells me somedays you call her Susan. LOL I know she would never tell you this, but she is sensitive and it hurts her feelings. She worries that she has not made a good impression with you. What can you tell me about her progress? If it does not get better then you should take this up with the principal. If she moves to a different class will she still have this teacher for other subjects? If so, you may want to resolve this without a change of class. Good luck.

OP here. Thanks everyone. I am taking deep breaths.

Really appreciate all of your advice. I keep thinking this is not normal but want to make sure. Thank you for validating my feelings.