Anonymous wrote:Op, just remember that she's fighting with you or pushing you away because, developmentally, she has to make you less appealing. She loves you so much, and if those hormones never kicked in you'd find yourself with a 30-yr-old child someday. In other species it's the parent who kicks the offspring out of the nest - youre taking the hit for her!

Mom of a 17 year old boy here. I am having a particularly hard day, and this made me feel better. Thanks~

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the father of a 14 year old who just entered HS. She is an only child and we have always been close. In fact, when she was younger, she could hardly wait to go out with me and run errands. Now, in the last few weeks, she wants to spend no time with me, resents it when I check up on her, and generally has zero interest in even throwing a ball around in the backyard. So is our relationship pretty much dead except for giving her money when she needs it? I feel like I have been sent out to pasture.

Tell her you'll give her money if you can take her to a no-cell-phone brunch this weekend. Tell her she's got to answer 20 questions at brunch (let her talk you down to 12 or 15).

Way to get her to resent you.

Yeah, please don't blackmail her into a relationship. As a former 14-year-old girl, I'd suggest giving her space and being there with love if/when she wants to talk. Rudeness is never acceptable, and shouldn't be tolerated, but you can't force someone to have a relationship when they don't want (as much of) one right now. It will change, and she'll eventually appreciate you letting her grow up. As hard as it is, it's important to approach this with a lot of respect for the natural separation that is going on.

You could try techniques from "How to talk so your kids will listen" Following those suggestions can make you feel like a shrink, but it works. They are just not as open as teenagers as they were when younger. Also they can be very mean when they are exercising their emotional power. Good luck

I agree with the suggestion to watch her TV shows. My mother was openly contemptuous of every bit of entertainment I liked, and it colored our relationship. If we couldn't chat about something as simple as a TV show without her saying it was stupid, how on earth could I talk to her about the really heavy stuff on my mind? It was unthinkable. In the same vein, go ahead and try to follow along the real life drama. Remember her friends' names, who's going out with whom, whose parents are giving her a hard time, etc etc. This will serve you well in the next few years.

You need to find ways to meet her halfway. Try to take an interest in the things she cares about now. And just listen to her. My DH has an amazing relationship with our 15 year-old daughter and that is partly because they both like comics and music but he also listens to her go on and on about teenager stuff.

She's growing up wanting independence - you've done your job! Ultimately you want to raise her to have her own identity and to be an independent adult...she is doing just that. Teens just add a heaping of attitude as they work through these normal developmental steps.