Anonymous wrote:I would counsel you to NOT have another child in the situation you are in. Really, listen to me now: another kid does NOT mean you will just double your expenses. The increased cost will be exponential. Few people will tell you this--they just want you to join in their misery. Don't do it. The cost of living in the DC area is insanely high in general, but the biggest factor here? Private school tuitions. NO OTHER AREA IN THE COUNTRY with the exception of the upper west and east sides of Manhattan has a more$$$ or insanely overvalued cadre of private schools. My theory is that racial politics drives this. NY and DC have high # minority population. People are crazily terrified of their kids going to school with too many AA's, asians or latinos (bizarre and unfounded imo)--so the private schools can just charge monopoly money for tuition and get it.

I agree. And "giving DC a sibling" is emphatically NOT a reason to have another child. Ever.

Anonymous wrote:$120 a month for cable/phone/internet can acutally be the final tipping point. That's enough for a grocery store run, diapers or formula. And if you are using your credit card for routine purchases it can end up costing more in the long run.

If you need to cut cable to afford diaper, stop breeding.

Freeman wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would counsel you to NOT have another child in the situation you are in. Really, listen to me now: another kid does NOT mean you will just double your expenses. The increased cost will be exponential.

Let's be realistic with our math. Children will be a mostly linear increase(Likely with a slight curve downward as more children are added, since not all expenses will increase linearly, such as food), not an exponential one. I'm not even going to address the rest of your post.

To the OP, you really seem to have most of the answers already. You had some financial issues with an old house that piled up some debts, and you are having to dig yourself out of it. Your current income is saddled with the debts you'd already accumulated, and there's probably not an easy way out. I'd sit down and try to work out the best, fastest way to start clearing some of your debts, particularly the credit card ones since they tend to have the highest interest rates. Money management is much more important in the long run than overall income. That's why millionaires can end up bankrupt while those with more moderate means can live well. And most practically of all, if you can't afford to live as you currently are, then what can you change about the way you currently live? Sometimes, you just have to step back, look at the big picture, and really examine what is and isn't working.

Thanks, yes. We've done that. Paying off the credit cards as fast as we can and we do have a plan. I know we will get out of it. And we have evaluated the big picture and know we have to move, and that we'll be able to sell our house for more than we paid for it given all the work we've poured into it. I'm buying new construction with a killer home warranty when we move - no more "charming" old money pits for me. It's just frustrating, that's all. I needed a good vent.

Anonymous wrote:$120 a month for cable/phone/internet can acutally be the final tipping point. That's enough for a grocery store run, diapers or formula. And if you are using your credit card for routine purchases it can end up costing more in the long run.

So anyone who struggles should go back to the 1880's and live cut off from the outside world (no phone or internet)? The internet's the most expensive part of that equation, but who can really live without it?

Anonymous wrote:I would counsel you to NOT have another child in the situation you are in. Really, listen to me now: another kid does NOT mean you will just double your expenses. The increased cost will be exponential.

Let's be realistic with our math. Children will be a mostly linear increase(Likely with a slight curve downward as more children are added, since not all expenses will increase linearly, such as food), not an exponential one. I'm not even going to address the rest of your post.

To the OP, you really seem to have most of the answers already. You had some financial issues with an old house that piled up some debts, and you are having to dig yourself out of it. Your current income is saddled with the debts you'd already accumulated, and there's probably not an easy way out. I'd sit down and try to work out the best, fastest way to start clearing some of your debts, particularly the credit card ones since they tend to have the highest interest rates. Money management is much more important in the long run than overall income. That's why millionaires can end up bankrupt while those with more moderate means can live well. And most practically of all, if you can't afford to live as you currently are, then what can you change about the way you currently live? Sometimes, you just have to step back, look at the big picture, and really examine what is and isn't working.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that posters always suggest downgrading cable or phone when OP complains about budget problems.

+1. If only it were that simple!

No, but it's an expense that is not fixed and so, when you're looking through looking for things to cut, that one can be cut pretty easily, and it all adds up, AND it's easy to find other sources for entertainment that are cheaper, such as starting at the public library.

Trust me, we've done this. I have a household budget that I track like a fiend. I plan meals a week in advance to cut the laundry bill and food waste. I've cut back on meat since it's so expensive to get anything that isn't full of hormones and chemicals. I clip coupons. I buy at sales. I drink the coffee in my office. I bring my own lunch and snacks to work. We eat out rarely. And it's still not enough, hence the title of this thread. But when two people work full time, can't afford a housekeeper, there are groceries to put away, laundry to fold, etc etc etc having on demand to entertain my kid for an hour is amazing. If I were living at home, I'd cut that shitfrom the budget in a heartbeat and call my MIL or my sister, who would happily take him and entertain him at the park, a museum, the zoo, my backyard, etc etc etc. And I'd be able to afford a house that isn't 90 years old and constantly suprising us with the next broken down whatever.

I know I should stop my bourgeouis ranting, but lordy. I often wonder how truly middle class and working poor people make it in this country if it's this hard for me. A previous PP got it right - I need my family around me, because even though my friends are great, you can't rely on them the way you can with your family. It's just not right to anyway, IMO.

$120 a month for cable/phone/internet can acutally be the final tipping point. That's enough for a grocery store run, diapers or formula. And if you are using your credit card for routine purchases it can end up costing more in the long run.

I completely relate to your stresses re money and a second child. We thought about cutting cable, but it would save us $60 a month. And babysitters cost that much.

Every time I have these feelings, I try to remind myself of things that I do have which are blessings. But, yeah, it is crazy that 160K doesn't get you that far in this town. As a kid, I imagined that if I made 1/2 of that, I would have a pretty comfortable life. Instead, I feel liek we'll never save enough for a down payment.

Anonymous wrote:I would counsel you to NOT have another child in the situation you are in. Really, listen to me now: another kid does NOT mean you will just double your expenses. The increased cost will be exponential. Few people will tell you this--they just want you to join in their misery. Don't do it. The cost of living in the DC area is insanely high in general, but the biggest factor here? Private school tuitions. NO OTHER AREA IN THE COUNTRY with the exception of the upper west and east sides of Manhattan has a more$$$ or insanely overvalued cadre of private schools. My theory is that racial politics drives this. NY and DC have high # minority population. People are crazily terrified of their kids going to school with too many AA's, asians or latinos (bizarre and unfounded imo)--so the private schools can just charge monopoly money for tuition and get it.

This prompted me to look up my and my sister's old private schools back in the Cleveland area just to check. I have to say that the cost for high school was roughly comparable to what we paid for my dd here. Of course, it may be that the lower grades were cheaper or that that there are cheaper schools in the Cleveland area. I don't know. But I was surprised to see they were so expensive after all. Of course, when it comes to racial politics and white anxiety, there's plenty of that going on in Cleveland as well.

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that posters always suggest downgrading cable or phone when OP complains about budget problems. For most people, cutting cable is NOT going to make any sort of palpable difference in their financial struggles. I think at your income level the only thing that would really change your situation is drastically cutting down on a fixed expense. I would much rather live in a smaller house and have less financial stress. Can you move to a 2 bedroom in a walkable area of town? The space issue is less of a problem if you live somewhere you can walk to amenities.

Ha! This is a great idea, except our mortgage payment for our 3 bedroom, 2 bath, 1300sf townhouse in a transitional party of the city with an endless slew of problems we are constantly fixing is actually much less than our rent was for a 2 bedroom in a walkable part of town. You can't win - apartments/condos near Metro rent and sell for ridiculous amounts, and if you move away from a Metro hub or to the burbs you have to pay commuting costs and have a car so you don't save shit anyway.

You're right - cutting cable isn't going to make a lick of difference. It's not like we're living a destitute life. What stresses me out is that every time we save some money something comes along to take it - leaky roof, specialists for the kid, etc. The only thing that would make a demonstrable difference for us here is a) a grandma who moved in to take care of our kid for free or b) a dramatic increase in income.

And to the private school PP - not everyone sends their kids to private school. We were planning to move before Kindergarten anyway.

Bottom line - I need Zoloft and a solid plan to move as soon as possible.

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that posters always suggest downgrading cable or phone when OP complains about budget problems. For most people, cutting cable is NOT going to make any sort of palpable difference in their financial struggles. I think at your income level the only thing that would really change your situation is drastically cutting down on a fixed expense. I would much rather live in a smaller house and have less financial stress. Can you move to a 2 bedroom in a walkable area of town? The space issue is less of a problem if you live somewhere you can walk to amenities.

Personally, I only suggest things like that because for my family, that's what works. That daily latte, eating out, the cable, the phones, the clothes shopping, those things add up, and they don't contribute that much to your quality of life. Changing houses at this point might make sense for OP, but it will also be another stressful situation on top of the crap she's already dealing with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that posters always suggest downgrading cable or phone when OP complains about budget problems.

+1. If only it were that simple!

No, but it's an expense that is not fixed and so, when you're looking through looking for things to cut, that one can be cut pretty easily, and it all adds up, AND it's easy to find other sources for entertainment that are cheaper, such as starting at the public library.

Cable is cheap entertainment. Going to public library/park involves driving, yeah? How much's a tank of gas?

Because you obviously cannot plan ahead and work it into your regular driving route.

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you move?

This is a long, long story that if I get into it I will want to break shit. We plan to, just not soon enough for my taste.

Anonymous wrote:Yeah we have an HHI of $100,000 which is CRAZY to me to make six figures as a household (I grew up in rural south) but we live in a "transitional neighborhood" in a crappy school district and barely make it each month because of childcare, student loans, and high rent.

It blows me away.

Yes, I think you and I may actually be the same person, minus the rural south thing (mid-sized Midwestern city here). Good luck and God bless. Good to know I'm not alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that posters always suggest downgrading cable or phone when OP complains about budget problems.

+1. If only it were that simple!

No, but it's an expense that is not fixed and so, when you're looking through looking for things to cut, that one can be cut pretty easily, and it all adds up, AND it's easy to find other sources for entertainment that are cheaper, such as starting at the public library.

Cable is cheap entertainment. Going to public library/park involves driving, yeah? How much's a tank of gas?