Definitely let them bring a friend. When I was 9 or 10, a friend of mine invited me to stay with her dad and stepmom once a month. It was really fun - they lived in the suburbs and we were from NYC, so it was fun to try out things like going to the mall that we didn't usually get to do!

Yep, kids that age love to go out and do something. I'd stay in their area and have them take a buddy for pizza and a movie (or each or them take a buddy depending on the size of your car). I'm guessing that your DH knows a lot of kids and parents from soccer so they will be comfortable. Make the travel on you guys not the kids and their friends and just do regular stuff. It really does shift to you being the driver rather than the focus. You guys sound caring and it's great that he is the coach. Just focus on ways to plug in that are similar and less focused on your place. My kids also like to go to museums with friends or special exhibits. If you happen to need a new car one that can hold the most kids is great for the teenage years I have been told. You get to be the fly on the wall and hear all the conversation.

PP back - good luck! At this age, a lot of the quality time is being around and being there for stuff like this, but a little less one on one than perhaps before.

Good to still shoot for that, but involving and engaging friends will keep your DH in the loop on who their friends are and will keep kids engaged and feel like their home (where they entertain and hang out with friends) is at Dad's too. Maybe even spend time with the kids in their area taking them to activities near their house- its the quality of the time, not the location that matters.

OP, thanks for this idea- and I cannot believe that we did not think of that. Makes perfect sense!

Stepmom here who is married to custodial dad. Why don't you try to make an effort to spend time with kids by taking kids + friends to do something? This is what ends up happening with custodial parents - so much time ends up being shuttling kids, getting them together with friends, etc. Can dad participate more in that aspect and in turn get some more time? Maybe kids can even have friends over to dad's house once in a while and as part of the visit?