Have some compassion for the bullies. Imagine what their home lives must be like if they're behaving this way in school.

Anonymous wrote:6:51 here--agreed 7:37. I quoted that post because it defined the behavior as unacceptable, but not as bullying. Not all hitting is bullying, and what concerns me are posts like 7:35 where anything and everything is considered bullying.

Bullying is repeated and aggressive behavior intended to hurt another. It is about a real or perceived power imbalance. A 5 year old pushing another 5 year old one time is inappropriate, but it's not bullying. It happening a second time still doesn't make it bullying, especially when you're dealing with 5 year olds who aren't the most sophisticated self-regulators.

I'm bothered by how quickly the term gets tossed out there, ie the OP's title of this thread. Labeling a 5 year old a "bully" is a huge accusation. Are there many 5 and 6 year olds who engage in inappropriate hitting because they are angry or frustrated? Absolutely. Their behavior deserves a response, but not the same response that bullying warrants.

+1

6:51 here--agreed 7:37. I quoted that post because it defined the behavior as unacceptable, but not as bullying. Not all hitting is bullying, and what concerns me are posts like 7:35 where anything and everything is considered bullying.

Bullying is repeated and aggressive behavior intended to hurt another. It is about a real or perceived power imbalance. A 5 year old pushing another 5 year old one time is inappropriate, but it's not bullying. It happening a second time still doesn't make it bullying, especially when you're dealing with 5 year olds who aren't the most sophisticated self-regulators.

I'm bothered by how quickly the term gets tossed out there, ie the OP's title of this thread. Labeling a 5 year old a "bully" is a huge accusation. Are there many 5 and 6 year olds who engage in inappropriate hitting because they are angry or frustrated? Absolutely. Their behavior deserves a response, but not the same response that bullying warrants.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm, when I came in to pick up my son today, he and another little boy were poking each other.

Yesterday, the other little boy "hit" my son.

A girl teased my son because his "butt crack" was showing.

None of these things are bullying.

Kids need to be shown the right way. The teacher should be (and probably is) aware.

Don't assume your DS plays no role. Don't assume the other kids are bullies. Kids are kids. Kindergartners are learning.

I'm not saying ANY of this should be laughed off. But your child will sense your reactions and react in accordance to what you think.

Again, make sure the teachers are aware, make sure your son knows what to do when it happens, and relax.

Thank you for this.

It may not be considered bullying, but it's not acceptable either.

Bullying is a serious issue and being bullied at 5 is unimaginable to me. I can tolerate a lot of crap, but when it comes to bullying, I just get angry - and like who the hell are these parents who have children that bully? If I caught my child making fun of of another child or being mean (as 5 years olds can be), I'd make sure he'd have some serious consequences. I once observed my very social and accepting 5 yr. old poking another child while waiting in line to jump of the diving board. Not hard, more in a jovial sort of way, but I asked later as we were walking back to the car as to why he was poking (and I had a good enough idea as to why). He said the boy looked different (the boy had DS) and I can tell you since that day, we've had conversations about that incident every day since - I was so appalled, mortified is more like it, and I very much stressed as to why we were all created equally, feelings, so and so forth. It happens and since I have a rambunctious boy, I always have one eye on him even though he is typically kind and empathetic.

We're zoned with an excellent public ES, but decided to send our child to a parochial parish school instead, starting this year for K. I can tell you that his school has ZERO tolerance for bullying.

I just met a family who left the ACPS, Charles Barrett, and their children are now at the same parish school. Very little discipline and lack of control are the why they finally left.

OP - If you don't get the response you feel is appropriate from the counselor, go to the principal. You are your child's advocate.

Anonymous wrote:Hmm, when I came in to pick up my son today, he and another little boy were poking each other.

Yesterday, the other little boy "hit" my son.

A girl teased my son because his "butt crack" was showing.

None of these things are bullying.

Kids need to be shown the right way. The teacher should be (and probably is) aware.

Don't assume your DS plays no role. Don't assume the other kids are bullies. Kids are kids. Kindergartners are learning.

I'm not saying ANY of this should be laughed off. But your child will sense your reactions and react in accordance to what you think.

Again, make sure the teachers are aware, make sure your son knows what to do when it happens, and relax.

Thank you for this.

OP, the school absolutely has a responsibility to keep your child safe and you are your child's advocate. You are right to monitor and communicate to the school, and the teacher now needs to keep a closer eye on the boys in the class.

I will say, however, that the accounts of children at this age are pretty unreliable and I agree with 21:11. I think some of the PPs have overreacted and not offered appropriate advice at this stage. It's entirely possible this was not a one-sided bullying situation- and K boys are physical, constantly pushing, hitting, wrestling. Remember that you and your child are new in school and are both probably still feeling a bit nervous and uncertain. He will pick up on your cues. You don't want to make him feel like a helpless "bullied" victim, but give him tools to assert himself if he doesn't like how someone is touching him or speaking with him.

Remember when your child was learning to walk? The first few times he fell, you gasped and rushed over, certain that he would be devastated. The child would cry and want to be comforted. Then one day, when he doesn't realize you are watching, he falls in a similar way and then just picks himself back up again and tries walking. As a new parent, you start to learn when your child really is hurt and needs your attention and when he needs to be dusted off. It's a bit similar here - you have to help your child navigate when he needs help and when he needs to be resilient.

Dealing with the social challenges of K is arguably more important developmentally than the academics the kids learn. You want your child to understand that the adults are there to keep him safe, but you also want to work with him on the skills of making and being a friend. There are a number of great "friend" books out there you can read to your child to help him talk about his concerns and the interactions with the kids. Role-playing can also be an effective way to help your child learn how to assert himself if he doesn't like how a child is treating him. Give him phrases to say - like a forceful "No. I don't like it when you hit me."

If you can, get to know parents and children in the class and volunteer in the classroom or for class events. It helps to be able to compare notes from other parents in the class and you can observe children first-hand. If, as a PP mentioned, a child in the class has impulse control or other special needs, you will likely see that behavior yourself.

Hope this helps. I've been in your shoes and know it's hard. Good luck.

Could it be that these "bullies" might be undiagnosed special needs? My dd has some impulsive kids in her class that will hit and blurt out inappropriate things. Just a thought. So sorry your dc is going through this. I hope things get better.

Hmm, when I came in to pick up my son today, he and another little boy were poking each other.

Yesterday, the other little boy "hit" my son.

A girl teased my son because his "butt crack" was showing.

None of these things are bullying.

Kids need to be shown the right way. The teacher should be (and probably is) aware.

Don't assume your DS plays no role. Don't assume the other kids are bullies. Kids are kids. Kindergartners are learning.

I'm not saying ANY of this should be laughed off. But your child will sense your reactions and react in accordance to what you think.

Again, make sure the teachers are aware, make sure your son knows what to do when it happens, and relax.

Anonymous wrote:While I would be as upset and as concerned as you are right now, don't think that your child has been branded. Kindergarten is always rocky--kids are coming into school at all different levels of development, academically and socially--and it takes some time for things to settle down. Be as proactive as you are being but don't worry that this is going to be an ongoing issue, yet. Give your son lots of hugs and make sure you are cultivating good relationships with a couple of his classmates so he has positive feelings about the social scene at school.

this may be true in other areas, but within DCPS, specifically Oyster, over 1/2 of the children in the K class were enrolled at Oyster for PreK.

many of the children have been in full-day programs before - this is not about understanding the norms of the classroom - this is about having appropraite active observations from the teachers.