I cannot imagine DH talking in English to his family for my benefit instead of the German they have spoken for 40 years.

I took four years of German lessons to be able to participate in conversations. I know enough know to carry a conversation in German with my in laws and to understand what DH tells our kids in German. I, on the other hand, am free to talk in Spanish with my family and friends without him getting offended, he also knows enough Spanish to get by. We are very understanding of each other's needs to use our native language with our loved ones.

I think it is rude too.

Incredibly rude and no doubt they are talking behind your back in front of you. Trust me on that. Stand your ground.

If they are so obsessed with keeping their native language, why did they come to the United States? I wouldn't go to another country and expect everyone to learn English. I don't understand why people come to the United States and then look down on speaking English.

Yes, this is rude behavior. I am annoyed when friends do this when everyone knows English. I would be pissed if my husband did this.

Anonymous wrote:They miss speaking in their native tongue. Cut them some slack. You sound like a bitch.

+1 (from a foreigner whose American spouse learned enough of my language to ensure family reunions on both sides are pretty fun, and to nourish a healthy bilingual household)

They miss speaking in their native tongue. Cut them some slack. You sound like a bitch.

I think it can come off as rude, but the alternative is letting their native language die out which is much much more of a loss in my opinion.

Have you tried to learn his language? Don't you want your child(ren) to be bilingual. I was raised by a father who had your attitude and a mother who was bilingual. He never bothered to learn Spanish and discouraged my mother from speaking to us in Spanish because he said it was rude. It was only when I was a teenager and spent summers in Latin America did I learn Spanish. As soon as I learned I began speaking to my mother and my maternal relatives in Spanish. Now at family gatherings we speak in Spanish and he goes and watches TV. If I didn't continue to speak I would slowly lose the ability to speak Spanish fluently. I might feel differently if he at least attempted to learn Spanish, but he never did. OP, think of your child and what an advantage he or she will have in life being bilingual.

It is super rude and I would stop going out with them. What's the point?

I also agree it won't hurt to learn the language, though it will probably take a while for your to be comfortable to jump into conversations.

Even though I'm foreign, I think people who come here should speak English. Fwiw, I speak English with my German friends here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this extremely rude. And i came here 6 years ago, from a non-English speaking country. My rule of thumb is, of there is ANYONE that doesn't speak my language, I won't speak it, period.
If they are all capable of speaking and u dee standing English, there is no reason for them to all be speaking the other language and singling you out. Just rude.

I agree with you. I am also from another country and will not speak my language unless everyone understands if we are in a group. It's so rude to do this. Talk about making someone feel left out.

Really? And what do you do if you absolutely need to talk to someone who does not speak and understand English? Use sign language?

Op, while my Immediate reaction to reading the title was : utter rudeness, once I read that it's your dh with his parents I slightly changed my mind. It is still rude, but a 20-30 year habit of speaking in their language is not too easy to break. They may make efforts if you ask dh, but my guess would be that they'll drift back to their language. So, you can talk to dh, ask what they are talking about (will remind them that u do not speak English), or learn a bit their language and join in....

Wow, I hope you never visit any foreign countries where you don't speak the language. Tell us about your hang ups. You sound a little uptight.

OP, I agree that this behavior is rude.

At the other hand -- why are you not learning DH's language? It would benefit you and especially your child greatly to be able to have good communication with your inlaws.

It will take several years before you're fluent but -- you have perfect practice material at home

OP, just curious, do you think your child will learn your DH's language, and/or do you have any plan to learn it yourself? I can relate, or anticipate relating, but in my case, my in-laws do not speak English at all, and I don't speak their language. So, in our case, there is only one choice of language, and either I learn it or I'm excluded.

So many Americans are monolingual and it's to our detriment. Yet most of us show no curiosity to learn another language.