Anonymous
09/07/2012 16:33
Subject: To What Extent Can/Do You Control Your 16 Year Old Kid'S Clothing?
My rule for my teen boys, who love shirts with political slogans, is that they can wear anything they want as long as it is not insulting others. Thus, my libertarian can wear an anti gun control shirt but I drew the line at the paw print bumper sticker that said my dog is smarter than the president. My liberal wears a shirt that says tolerance, or meat is murder, but nothing saying conservatives are stupid. I would not allow white power, though it does arguably, technically, meet my criteria. My libertarian wanted to read an anti Semitic book by David duke (I actually posted about that) and I nixed that, but I can't stop him from looking at the guy's website. That has produced some interesting discussions. Also We go online together to find slogan shirts they like that I will permit. Maybe you could offer to buy her something that makes a statement but is not offensive to you?
Anonymous
09/07/2012 14:30
Subject: To What Extent Can/Do You Control Your 16 Year Old Kid'S Clothing?
OP- I think it is great you are seeking the advice/ideas of others and are a father who is concerned about his dd's clothing choices. I think your situation is different than many who are responding and understand that if your DD's mom is okay with the clothes and buying them for her it's difficult for you.
I think I might talk to her about why she likes the shirt/slogan/look and be interested in her response. You could also try to give another point of view and say, "some people might think.. " , or "oh, I didn't think of it that way, when I first saw it I thought... and it surprised me to see you wearing it b/c you don't seem like that".
In your case, communication, understanding and respecting opinions will likely get you further than making strict rules.
I think I might talk to her about why she likes the shirt/slogan/look and be interested in her response. You could also try to give another point of view and say, "some people might think.. " , or "oh, I didn't think of it that way, when I first saw it I thought... and it surprised me to see you wearing it b/c you don't seem like that".
In your case, communication, understanding and respecting opinions will likely get you further than making strict rules.
Anonymous
09/06/2012 07:45
Subject: To What Extent Can/Do You Control Your 16 Year Old Kid'S Clothing?
It's a crapshoot. Some kids respond well to the "RAWR! RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAY!" stuff and other kids respond well to more laid-back parenting.
I would want to know the exact messaging on the OP's daughter's shirt. If it's something from Resistance Records or some business with Aryan in its name, then yeah, OP may have a problem.
I would want to know the exact messaging on the OP's daughter's shirt. If it's something from Resistance Records or some business with Aryan in its name, then yeah, OP may have a problem.
Anonymous
09/05/2012 20:34
Subject: To What Extent Can/Do You Control Your 16 Year Old Kid'S Clothing?
My mom had final say on my clothes as a teen. When I was home a few years ago, I found some of my old clothes in the attic that were deemed inappropriate by my mom, and all I could say was "holy crap" those clothes looked awful. I am so glad that I had someone older and wiser making sure that I did not look like a complete idiot going to school. Sometimes that is what parents have to do. I ended up going to college, got a job, married, and I have a very fulfilling life. I did not hit rock bottom, or become a complete mess because my mom helped me dress appropriately.
Anonymous
09/05/2012 20:26
Subject: To What Extent Can/Do You Control Your 16 Year Old Kid'S Clothing?
What is the correlation between slutty clothes now and a successful and bright future?
Anonymous
09/05/2012 19:04
Subject: To What Extent Can/Do You Control Your 16 Year Old Kid'S Clothing?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately you are at a disadvantage since her mother has no problem with it. I see so many teen girls who look like trash. Skirts are way too short, bra straps showing, black bra under white top, bad make up. I just feel bad for these girls because they look awful, and they do not have a mother who is helping them look appropriate.
If you don't have a teenage daughter, you really, really shouldn't judge. Once they reach a certain age, you cannot dictate what they wear. You can try, I suppose, but unless you have a particularly pliable child there's nothing you can do. Tell a 16 year-old to wear her makeup differently? That makes me laugh. At this age its their developmental task to create their own identity and it isn't always pretty in the process. But the girls with the controlling parents have a much tougher time down the road.
If you have a younger daughter you will find out soon enough.
Not the pp, but my two oldest daughters are (almost) 17 and 13. There's no way in hell they're going out of the house looking like sluts. While I allow them the freedom to choose what they want to wear, I ultimately buy the clothes and if they are inappropriate, they don't get them. Period. There is no negotiation on that front.
I don't buy my daughter's clothes, she has an allowance that provides for it (though far from extravagantly) and she buys them herself. If she wants something expensive, she has to save up. You really don't give your daughter the freedom to choose what she wants to wear. Or you give her the freedom to chose amongst the outfits that you like. This is a recipe for having your daughters change between home and school. This is extremely common, I see it at DD's school. And the girls who do the changing dress far sluttier than my daughter.
My DD's clothes are more along the lines of . . . unusual. Certainly not what I would choose for her. Sometimes the outfits make me cringe. She's 16 -- right on schedule.
I will take my approach of giving my DD both the choice and the responsibility for her wardrobe over your approach of standing in the doorway with your arms crossed. Because eventually they have to walk out of that door on their own. I am pretty confident that my approach will better equip my daughter for that future than yours.
Well, to be fair my daughters don't like slutty clothes (thank goodness). One is conservative (only wears skirts that are knee-length) and the other prefers skinny jeans and basketball shoes..no mini-skirts. They wear uniforms, so no fear of them turning into Lolitas on their way to school.
With that said, they are allowed to pick their own clothes. I give them their budget and they email me their "shopping list". They don't have allowances though....I plan to start that this year. I imagine they'll spend it on silly stuff (candy, lip gloss, etc) instead of slutty clothes.
Anonymous
09/05/2012 16:32
Subject: To What Extent Can/Do You Control Your 16 Year Old Kid'S Clothing?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately you are at a disadvantage since her mother has no problem with it. I see so many teen girls who look like trash. Skirts are way too short, bra straps showing, black bra under white top, bad make up. I just feel bad for these girls because they look awful, and they do not have a mother who is helping them look appropriate.
If you don't have a teenage daughter, you really, really shouldn't judge. Once they reach a certain age, you cannot dictate what they wear. You can try, I suppose, but unless you have a particularly pliable child there's nothing you can do. Tell a 16 year-old to wear her makeup differently? That makes me laugh. At this age its their developmental task to create their own identity and it isn't always pretty in the process. But the girls with the controlling parents have a much tougher time down the road.
If you have a younger daughter you will find out soon enough.
Not the pp, but my two oldest daughters are (almost) 17 and 13. There's no way in hell they're going out of the house looking like sluts. While I allow them the freedom to choose what they want to wear, I ultimately buy the clothes and if they are inappropriate, they don't get them. Period. There is no negotiation on that front.
I don't buy my daughter's clothes, she has an allowance that provides for it (though far from extravagantly) and she buys them herself. If she wants something expensive, she has to save up. You really don't give your daughter the freedom to choose what she wants to wear. Or you give her the freedom to chose amongst the outfits that you like. This is a recipe for having your daughters change between home and school. This is extremely common, I see it at DD's school. And the girls who do the changing dress far sluttier than my daughter.
My DD's clothes are more along the lines of . . . unusual. Certainly not what I would choose for her. Sometimes the outfits make me cringe. She's 16 -- right on schedule.
I will take my approach of giving my DD both the choice and the responsibility for her wardrobe over your approach of standing in the doorway with your arms crossed. Because eventually they have to walk out of that door on their own. I am pretty confident that my approach will better equip my daughter for that future than yours.
Anonymous
09/05/2012 14:26
Subject: To What Extent Can/Do You Control Your 16 Year Old Kid'S Clothing?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately you are at a disadvantage since her mother has no problem with it. I see so many teen girls who look like trash. Skirts are way too short, bra straps showing, black bra under white top, bad make up. I just feel bad for these girls because they look awful, and they do not have a mother who is helping them look appropriate.
If you don't have a teenage daughter, you really, really shouldn't judge. Once they reach a certain age, you cannot dictate what they wear. You can try, I suppose, but unless you have a particularly pliable child there's nothing you can do. Tell a 16 year-old to wear her makeup differently? That makes me laugh. At this age its their developmental task to create their own identity and it isn't always pretty in the process. But the girls with the controlling parents have a much tougher time down the road.
If you have a younger daughter you will find out soon enough.
So you are ok with your daughter dressing like pp just described? Who buys your daughter's clothes? I am sorry, but looking like a prostitute to go to school is just not acceptable in my house. I have a 14 and 16 yo daughter, and I do have a say in what they wear. Fortunately, because I did it right from the start, there are no issues. But then again, I see how some of the moms dress and the apple does not fall far from the tree.
That's what I thought too.
Signed,
Mom who recently found out that daughter owns clothes I did not know about and that she sometimes changes clothes at a friend's house before school.
Exactly. I stop to get coffee every morning at a McDonald's near a high school, and sit and read a paper. I watch girls disappear into the women's room wearing one thing and come out wearing something completely different. Sometimes the boys, too (pants on the ground). Just because a child leaves the house wearing something, and/or make-up-less, doesn't mean s/he'll stay that way at school. Or anywhere else.
Anonymous
09/05/2012 14:02
Subject: To What Extent Can/Do You Control Your 16 Year Old Kid'S Clothing?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately you are at a disadvantage since her mother has no problem with it. I see so many teen girls who look like trash. Skirts are way too short, bra straps showing, black bra under white top, bad make up. I just feel bad for these girls because they look awful, and they do not have a mother who is helping them look appropriate.
If you don't have a teenage daughter, you really, really shouldn't judge. Once they reach a certain age, you cannot dictate what they wear. You can try, I suppose, but unless you have a particularly pliable child there's nothing you can do. Tell a 16 year-old to wear her makeup differently? That makes me laugh. At this age its their developmental task to create their own identity and it isn't always pretty in the process. But the girls with the controlling parents have a much tougher time down the road.
If you have a younger daughter you will find out soon enough.
So you are ok with your daughter dressing like pp just described? Who buys your daughter's clothes? I am sorry, but looking like a prostitute to go to school is just not acceptable in my house. I have a 14 and 16 yo daughter, and I do have a say in what they wear. Fortunately, because I did it right from the start, there are no issues. But then again, I see how some of the moms dress and the apple does not fall far from the tree.
That's what I thought too.
Signed,
Mom who recently found out that daughter owns clothes I did not know about and that she sometimes changes clothes at a friend's house before school.
Anonymous
09/05/2012 12:32
Subject: To What Extent Can/Do You Control Your 16 Year Old Kid'S Clothing?
There is a difference between crazy clothes and slutty clothes. Also, did you wear a bracelet to school that said "BITCH" or "F**K IT" on it? Now that's class right there.
Anonymous
09/05/2012 12:05
Subject: To What Extent Can/Do You Control Your 16 Year Old Kid'S Clothing?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately you are at a disadvantage since her mother has no problem with it. I see so many teen girls who look like trash. Skirts are way too short, bra straps showing, black bra under white top, bad make up. I just feel bad for these girls because they look awful, and they do not have a mother who is helping them look appropriate.
If you don't have a teenage daughter, you really, really shouldn't judge. Once they reach a certain age, you cannot dictate what they wear. You can try, I suppose, but unless you have a particularly pliable child there's nothing you can do. Tell a 16 year-old to wear her makeup differently? That makes me laugh. At this age its their developmental task to create their own identity and it isn't always pretty in the process. But the girls with the controlling parents have a much tougher time down the road.
If you have a younger daughter you will find out soon enough.
So you are ok with your daughter dressing like pp just described? Who buys your daughter's clothes? I am sorry, but looking like a prostitute to go to school is just not acceptable in my house. I have a 14 and 16 yo daughter, and I do have a say in what they wear. Fortunately, because I did it right from the start, there are no issues. But then again, I see how some of the moms dress and the apple does not fall far from the tree.
Not the quoted above, but as a former teenage girl who was allowed to get the crazy clothes (and other things) out of my system before I left home, I had a much better grip on how to handle myself once I left home. Some of my friends who weren't able to experiment until after they left the nest really let loose, to a self-destructive degree, once they left home.
Anonymous
09/05/2012 09:59
Subject: To What Extent Can/Do You Control Your 16 Year Old Kid'S Clothing?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately you are at a disadvantage since her mother has no problem with it. I see so many teen girls who look like trash. Skirts are way too short, bra straps showing, black bra under white top, bad make up. I just feel bad for these girls because they look awful, and they do not have a mother who is helping them look appropriate.
If you don't have a teenage daughter, you really, really shouldn't judge. Once they reach a certain age, you cannot dictate what they wear. You can try, I suppose, but unless you have a particularly pliable child there's nothing you can do. Tell a 16 year-old to wear her makeup differently? That makes me laugh. At this age its their developmental task to create their own identity and it isn't always pretty in the process. But the girls with the controlling parents have a much tougher time down the road.
If you have a younger daughter you will find out soon enough.
So you are ok with your daughter dressing like pp just described? Who buys your daughter's clothes? I am sorry, but looking like a prostitute to go to school is just not acceptable in my house. I have a 14 and 16 yo daughter, and I do have a say in what they wear. Fortunately, because I did it right from the start, there are no issues. But then again, I see how some of the moms dress and the apple does not fall far from the tree.
Anonymous
09/05/2012 09:16
Subject: To What Extent Can/Do You Control Your 16 Year Old Kid'S Clothing?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately you are at a disadvantage since her mother has no problem with it. I see so many teen girls who look like trash. Skirts are way too short, bra straps showing, black bra under white top, bad make up. I just feel bad for these girls because they look awful, and they do not have a mother who is helping them look appropriate.
If you don't have a teenage daughter, you really, really shouldn't judge. Once they reach a certain age, you cannot dictate what they wear. You can try, I suppose, but unless you have a particularly pliable child there's nothing you can do. Tell a 16 year-old to wear her makeup differently? That makes me laugh. At this age its their developmental task to create their own identity and it isn't always pretty in the process. But the girls with the controlling parents have a much tougher time down the road.
If you have a younger daughter you will find out soon enough.
Not the pp, but my two oldest daughters are (almost) 17 and 13. There's no way in hell they're going out of the house looking like sluts. While I allow them the freedom to choose what they want to wear, I ultimately buy the clothes and if they are inappropriate, they don't get them. Period. There is no negotiation on that front.
Anonymous
09/05/2012 09:00
Subject: To What Extent Can/Do You Control Your 16 Year Old Kid'S Clothing?
I'm sure her school has a dress code. Call her counselor and ask her to keep an eye out and intervene. What she wears at home or with her friends is not necessarily what she should be wearing in public. Let the school be the bad guy. Also, I was defiant as a teen and drove my dad up the wall. I got to college and everything went back to normal. You will be fine.
Anonymous
09/05/2012 07:57
Subject: To What Extent Can/Do You Control Your 16 Year Old Kid'S Clothing?
Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately you are at a disadvantage since her mother has no problem with it. I see so many teen girls who look like trash. Skirts are way too short, bra straps showing, black bra under white top, bad make up. I just feel bad for these girls because they look awful, and they do not have a mother who is helping them look appropriate.
Ha ha. I'd guess you daughter is under the age of 4.