I don't know about the large party thing - I invited about 25 kids (the whole class) to my DS's 4th birthday. His birthday is early in the year, and when the invites went out, I really didn't know many of the kids. However, we probably only had about 5 or 6 non-RSVPs and everyone who RSVPd yes showed up, except for the family that accidentally got the time wrong.

Since that is my younger kid, I've done the birthday party thing a few times, and by and large, we've had everyone who RSVPd yes show up. Maybe the strictly middle-class suburban parents are just better at this than other groups.

Anonymous wrote:

I think this may stem from the practice of inviting all the kids in the class, and people feeling like b-day parties have to be such a production.

How so? If you don't feel you know the family well enough or that the party isn't for you, don't RSVP yes. Don't RSVP at all if you don't want to. But don't RSVP yes and then not show up, that's just insanely rude and completely unnecessary.

I agree with you that it's insanely rude. But I can also see the first PP's point that, b/c the parties are so large and anonymous, there's maybe a lower psychological barrier to get over to convince onself, "Oh, my kid's just one out of 30," and not make it as imperative to RSVP, if you are the type to start rationalizing these types of things, (which I still think is AWFUL and I am a RSVP manaic). Also, since a lot of these parties are so big and you may not even know the other familiies who have invited your child (esp when your child is still in daycare, and everybody's just having one party after another at the latest Bounce Place Du Jour), there is less of a permanent sense of "community" where one would feel shame at knowing that you did not follow proper etiquette and RSVP, or did not show up when you said you would, etc. I think this is what the first PP was driving at. . . .

It's not just the summer, I had this happen in November.

I had a summer birthday party when I was around 10 and only my best friend showed up. I was stunned. I stopped having birthday parties after that.

Anonymous wrote:I've had this happen and part of it, I think, is the fact that it's August and people go away. August is a lousy month for a birthday. That said, I'm amazed at how inconsiderate people are.

I don't really understand the August thing. I think this would make it easier to just rsvp no "Sorry, we're going to be at the beach that week." Why rsvp yes, then not show?

I've had this happen and part of it, I think, is the fact that it's August and people go away. August is a lousy month for a birthday. That said, I'm amazed at how inconsiderate people are.

Wow, based on the responses, sounds like it's happened more than once!

I don't think of a birthday party invite as being an invitation for ME from the PARENT. I think of it as being an invitation to my child from another child, with parents serving as intermediaries. Since we're the grownups, we have to RSVP appropriately, put the event on our calendar, and show up as we promised. Even if I didn't have time to bring a gift, I would make sure my kid SHOWED UP. (Can always bring a little gift later!)

Argh.

It's like being mean to another kid by virtue of being lazy. Adults ought to know better!

I think this may stem from the practice of inviting all the kids in the class, and people feeling like b-day parties have to be such a production.

How so? If you don't feel you know the family well enough or that the party isn't for you, don't RSVP yes. Don't RSVP at all if you don't want to. But don't RSVP yes and then not show up, that's just insanely rude and completely unnecessary.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I say I'm going to be somewhere at a certain time, I show up.

If I can't make it, I call/text/email and explain.

If I receive an invitation, I rsvp yes or no.

Same for my kid too.

Applies to haircut appointments, social events, work meetings, pretty much everything.

Isn't this just common courtesy?

Yes, it's common courtesy. It's also not difficult. Nobody is SOOO busy and SOOO important that they can't follow these very basic social rules. People who don't follow them really suck.

I totally agree.

Anonymous wrote:If I say I'm going to be somewhere at a certain time, I show up.

If I can't make it, I call/text/email and explain.

If I receive an invitation, I rsvp yes or no.

Same for my kid too.

Applies to haircut appointments, social events, work meetings, pretty much everything.

Isn't this just common courtesy?

Yes, it's common courtesy. It's also not difficult. Nobody is SOOO busy and SOOO important that they can't follow these very basic social rules. People who don't follow them really suck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Mostly I just thought it was incredibly RUDE. In part rude to the parent, but most of all rude to the kid. I mean at five years old, a child know's what's up. When the table's set for seven...

I almost wanted to call up the parents myself and give them a talking to.

Just obnoxious.

(I'm feeling overly hateful right now, maybe. I'll calm down after my second coffee. )

i think you SHOULD call - and say something like, "oh my gosh, was little peter sick this wknd? we were at mark's birthday and only 3 kids came; i felt so bad for the birthday boy. he was so disappointed" lay it on thick.

I sort of like this idea!

I don't - why keep beating a dead horse. Simply don't invite them any more, and find less flaky friends for next year's birthday.

But this would be a mutual friend doing the shaming, not the birthday boy's mother. That's why I like it!

Exactly! it just reminds the invited child's parent that she missed a party and that it hurt someone's feelings. I can see the invited mother becoming defensive if the birthday kid's mom called, but probably not with an in between random friend. She might even pass the message along to others. Or, shocker, apologize to the kid!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Mostly I just thought it was incredibly RUDE. In part rude to the parent, but most of all rude to the kid. I mean at five years old, a child know's what's up. When the table's set for seven...

I almost wanted to call up the parents myself and give them a talking to.

Just obnoxious.

(I'm feeling overly hateful right now, maybe. I'll calm down after my second coffee. )

i think you SHOULD call - and say something like, "oh my gosh, was little peter sick this wknd? we were at mark's birthday and only 3 kids came; i felt so bad for the birthday boy. he was so disappointed" lay it on thick.

I sort of like this idea!

I don't - why keep beating a dead horse. Simply don't invite them any more, and find less flaky friends for next year's birthday.

But this would be a mutual friend doing the shaming, not the birthday boy's mother. That's why I like it!

I think this may stem from the practice of inviting all the kids in the class, and people feeling like b-day parties have to be such a production.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Mostly I just thought it was incredibly RUDE. In part rude to the parent, but most of all rude to the kid. I mean at five years old, a child know's what's up. When the table's set for seven...

I almost wanted to call up the parents myself and give them a talking to.

Just obnoxious.

(I'm feeling overly hateful right now, maybe. I'll calm down after my second coffee. )

i think you SHOULD call - and say something like, "oh my gosh, was little peter sick this wknd? we were at mark's birthday and only 3 kids came; i felt so bad for the birthday boy. he was so disappointed" lay it on thick.

I sort of like this idea!

I don't - why keep beating a dead horse. Simply don't invite them any more, and find less flaky friends for next year's birthday.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Mostly I just thought it was incredibly RUDE. In part rude to the parent, but most of all rude to the kid. I mean at five years old, a child know's what's up. When the table's set for seven...

I almost wanted to call up the parents myself and give them a talking to.

Just obnoxious.

(I'm feeling overly hateful right now, maybe. I'll calm down after my second coffee. )

i think you SHOULD call - and say something like, "oh my gosh, was little peter sick this wknd? we were at mark's birthday and only 3 kids came; i felt so bad for the birthday boy. he was so disappointed" lay it on thick.

I sort of like this idea!