I would definitely get help. I couldn't stand up while holding the baby when I got home from my C. Along with everything else (no driving, no stairs etc) its just difficult. oh and then the second night i was home my incision burst open and I thought i was bleeding out. Then it got infected. Twice. I got overnight help for the first two weeks. my mom was here during chunks of daytime the first week or so which was a huge help.

Also its a very emotional time of course - not just because new baby and all the changes associated with that but because things didn't go as planned. I never in a million years anticipated that I'd end up with a c-section. A failed epidural. A 5 pound baby and concerns about not gaining weight. Problems breastfeeding. Plus all my complications with healing. Have help ready to go. If you don't need it, great.

My husband also started a new job before birth and they allowed him to go negative PTO, which sucked getting out of it but it was the only option since he had not built up any PTO yet. They were not willing to let him take unpaid leave. As it ended up, he was able to work from home about half a day each day we were home so he only took about 20 hours of negative PTO instead of 40. He helped a lot but its not like I needed him there every second so he was able to work in between those times. Tell your husband to talk to his job and see if there is any flexibility at all, like working from home or half days in the office or something.

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here w/ csection.... If you have no complications, skip the pain meds after 12 hours, use ibuprofen, and walk the halls slowly to loosen up and speed recovery. Sitting up or laying down hurts but the stairs were ok if taken slowly. Also coughing and sneezing hurt. I was ok with light household stuff, baby acare and driving (day after hospital release) but I had friends and relatives on call just in case.

You may want to arrange for a lactation consultant to come to the house when your milk comes in, usually just as you are released.

Don't fear the csection too much. My friends with difficult natural births were laid up longer than me and in more pain!

Thinking I did not need the pain meds a day in was one of the worst decisions of my life. I was in such pain...the pain meds help you rest so you can heal. I also almost passed out from "walking the halls" too much--and that was just as far as the nursing store on the other side of the floor.

There is a wide range of responses to surgery! Would your DH be able to talk to his boss and say "Here's plan A for an uncomplicated vaginal birth and here's plan B for a c-section or complicated vaginal"? I mean, what if you were in a car wreck or had other emergency surgery? He would get time off to care for you, right?

I ended up walking for a few miles 3 days after I had a vaginal delivery (long story) and my some of my stitches came out/loose, which has given me a nice case of vestibulitis still lingering 2.5 years later. i know that's different from a c-section, but if I were to have more kids, I would definitely not repeat what happened that time around.

Single mom here w/ csection.... If you have no complications, skip the pain meds after 12 hours, use ibuprofen, and walk the halls slowly to loosen up and speed recovery. Sitting up or laying down hurts but the stairs were ok if taken slowly. Also coughing and sneezing hurt. I was ok with light household stuff, baby acare and driving (day after hospital release) but I had friends and relatives on call just in case.

You may want to arrange for a lactation consultant to come to the house when your milk comes in, usually just as you are released.

Don't fear the csection too much. My friends with difficult natural births were laid up longer than me and in more pain!

PP here. Your DH got the job. It's in the bag. And people are very understanding about having a baby, I mean, it's no vacation he'd be asking for. This is MAJOR. In fact, I would assume a male coworker was a weirdo if he didn't take time off for the birth of a child, like at least a week. That is strange for sure.

NO - You need your husband there for 2 weeks. You aren't even supposed to bend over, like to put dishes in the sink or poopy clothes in the washing machine. Mine took 2 weeks leave without pay (he just started a new job at the time too).

I'm a single parent with no family in the area. After my son was born, I had overnight help from a doula service every night the first two weeks (and a few hours per day the first week), and then twice a week until I hit the 8 week recovery mark.

The main problems I found were that I needed help with the initial set up of the changing area, pack n' play etc., I couldn't do the stairs well, and I also couldn't lift the diaper pail insert or take out the garbage easily. Your husband may be able to handle a lot of the chores you can't do yourself, because many of them could be delayed until the evening.

Feeding the baby, pumping, getting myself some toast and soup, greeting the pizza delivery man etc. were all entirely doable, although really time consuming

A lot of doula services will let you do a few 4 hour shifts here and there. If you get someone to come in a couple of times that first couple of weeks, you may find that's enough. They are also used to on the fly scheduling, so if you need to add shifts becuase you find you need more help than you thought, that may be possible.

OP here. We both had good parental leave policy at our current jobs, but this one in a lifetime opportunity for DH has changed our plans. This job will be demanding, and he likely won't be able to take off more than a couple days off, since EDD is less than a month from his start date.

Thank you all very much for sharing your experience. It sounds like I won't truly know how much I can do until/ unless I get to that point.

There's nothing indicating I might need a C-section, but emergency C-sections happen to many women not planning for them - hence my need for plan B.

Family on both sides would have liked to come right away after birth, and probably still would, if I asked them. I just really wanted time alone with baby and DH in the first weeks to bond, establish feeding, etc. We'll be in a 2-bedroom apartment, and I really don't want to have family over; visits would be at least 1 week long, and putting them in a hotel is out of the question (it would offend them much more than asking them to delay their visit). I realize that exhaustion and post partum emotions are distant concepts right now for me, as a FTM; I might be delusional (feel free to laugh at me), but it seems easier to be exhaust, emotional and alone with my baby than having to deal with mom or MIL's long visit in such a small space (although recovery from surgery puts things in a different perspective).

I will call a couple of post-partum doulas, and tell them I would only like to employ their services if I end up with a section. If they're not willing to agree to that and I do end up in surgery, I might have to eat my words and ask mom or MIL to come.

Anonymous wrote:My issue wouldn't be with the physical aspect, but with the emotional part of it all. It is exhausting, nuring can be challenging, baby can be fussy and so on. I found that I needed the emotional support more than anything. It is also nice to be able ot have someone around ot hold the baby if he is fussy and you need a nap.

Maybe had help on call and see how you feel.

This was me, too. I was fine w/ the baby care, but ended up hiring a postpartum doula to help with a few things around the house and just provide some emotional support postpartum, since I didn't have friends with kids or family in the area when my first was born. But I had a serious case of PP blues and if I had been less weepy I probably would have been fine on my own.

I had difficulty Going from sitting to standing position and vice versa while carrying the baby. I also had problems breastfeeding, and needed to pump. I also had a cat napped, basically who slept in 10 - 15 minutes interval. I wouldn't have survived alone without help. Agree with those who advise get help lined up at least for the first 2-3 days, and if things actually go great, wonderful and you can stop the help after 2-3 days, and if things don't go smoothly, then you can extend a bit more. The help I needed was not complicated, so you may not need nanny / doula, even someone in your new neighborhood who is looking for extra 3-4 hours work could be tremendous help for you during those first days.

You can care for a newborn on your own after a c-section, they don't run away. Take it easy, set up a landing pad and go at your pace. I'm sorry but some woman are being completely dramatic about "needing" help, it's nice but not a requirement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see you're already getting lots of responses from posters saying "Oh yes, I took care of twins by myself and didn't take pain meds and drove my newborns all over town against the ob's advice and I am amazing, blah blah blah."

I had an unplanned c-section and I did need lots of help from my husband and I am not ashamed of that! You will probably be sore and exhausted and emotional. Depending on your financial situation and comfort level I would definitely either hire someone or ask a friend or family member to come help. You won't have to ask them to do the night time stuff, but it would nice to have another set of hands to make food for you, run errands, and hold the baby so you can rest.

That being said, if you're able to have the natural childbirth you are planning than you'll probably be okay.

+1. I had a vaginal birth with tearing for DC1 and a c-section for DC2. In both cases, I needed help for the first few weeks - couldn't get up, sit down, lie down, walk, etc. with the baby. Obviously I'm either a wuss or unlucky, but regardless I just couldn't have done it without help. And I have had other surgeries and never been similarly incapacitated, so I would be kind of surprised to learn I was a wuss.

It isn't about being a wuss. Some people's bodies just react differently. I would havce been fine with my husband going back to work right after we got home from the hospital with my first section. And the second recovery was even easier but I couldn't lift my toddler and so needed help for the first few weeks. I was lucky. I don't think for one second that people that need more help are wussy. I'm a wuss with very low tolerance for pain. But I had virtually no pain. OP, there is no way to know. I'd have some names and numbers lined up just in case, but I wouldn't schedule someone ahead of time.

Anonymous wrote:I see you're already getting lots of responses from posters saying "Oh yes, I took care of twins by myself and didn't take pain meds and drove my newborns all over town against the ob's advice and I am amazing, blah blah blah."

I had an unplanned c-section and I did need lots of help from my husband and I am not ashamed of that! You will probably be sore and exhausted and emotional. Depending on your financial situation and comfort level I would definitely either hire someone or ask a friend or family member to come help. You won't have to ask them to do the night time stuff, but it would nice to have another set of hands to make food for you, run errands, and hold the baby so you can rest.

That being said, if you're able to have the natural childbirth you are planning than you'll probably be okay.

+1. I had a vaginal birth with tearing for DC1 and a c-section for DC2. In both cases, I needed help for the first few weeks - couldn't get up, sit down, lie down, walk, etc. with the baby. Obviously I'm either a wuss or unlucky, but regardless I just couldn't have done it without help. And I have had other surgeries and never been similarly incapacitated, so I would be kind of surprised to learn I was a wuss.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:bending down and getting baby up off the floor is hard (if you want your baby to play on the floor and have tummy time).

um... WHAT?

+1

I had to take care of my 18 month old and newborn after a section by myself. As others have said, it wasn't ideal but it was done! We really just stayed on the main floor of the house since I found stairs the most painful for me and I actually had the stroller set up in the house just to help carry the baby and items back and forth.

Again, it wasn't great but we did it out of necessity. I can say now that I don't remember it being that bad but I am sure in the moment I was pretty unhappy.

Anonymous wrote:bending down and getting baby up off the floor is hard (if you want your baby to play on the floor and have tummy time).

um... WHAT?