I had to fly across the country for my grandmother's funeral. On the way back home, we flew first class. It was divine. DH & I never told anyone.

If you could enjoy taking a day to sightsee despite the true reason for the trip, and despite any mourning you'll be feeling, then absolutely go ahead and do it.

In other words, if it is your husband's uncle who passed away and you are urging your husband to stop at Disneyland, and you are seeking validation from us that this is ok while your husband is clearly in mourning, then you're a horrible person. If on the other hand your husband is the one who is saying "my uncle Joe would have wanted us to have a good time" then you should relax and let him honor uncle Joe by riding the biggest roller-coaster.

Is it the spouse who is related to the deceased who does not want to go sightseeing, or is it the other way around? If it is the former, I think the spouse who does not know the deceased as well should respect the other spouse's need to grieve the loss. This person may have been more important to them than he or she realizes. On the other hand if it is the person who has the stronger tie to the deceased who suggested going sightseeing, then the other spouse should take clues from them that it is ok.

Depends. Having fun during a time of mourning would be considered disrespectful in some cultures.

Anonymous wrote:If it comes up -- just say that is how your flights worked out. I see nothing wrong with this - you are going out of your way to attend and that is very respectful.

exactly, you know how people say kids always "blame the parents"... well, blame the kids just say that the flights only worked out that way, and because the kids would go stir crazy you took them out to see the city. that is if they ask, as long as you show up and dont start passing out souvenirs from the gift shop during the funeral procession, you should be good.

i hope things work out well and i am sorry for your loss

Totally fine. Life is for the living, do live life and enjoy. The other person is dead, not you. Go and have a good time.

Why in the world would this be inappropriate? Obviously you shouldn't spend the funeral blabbing to all your relatives about what a great time you had at such-and-such a place. That would be tactless. But I don't see anything wrong with going to said tourist destination.

If you agree to go to the tourist spot, would the reluctant spouse go, but still feel uncomfortable with it, or would s/he come around and enjoy the trip? I wouldn't be able to enjoy a trip if I knew DH really didn't want to be there.

At my own funeral, I hope people take advantage of anything fun like this. Maybe I should put this in my will....

How would the deceased person feel about it if s/he were alive? Some people would not like it. But others would want you to have a nice time.

Anonymous wrote:"I do not see how this is inappropriate at all."

Me, too, and I'm a thank-you-note-writing etiquette stickler who never wears black to a wedding.

I would tell your kids that people are going to be sad, so they probably shouldn't talk about their fun day.

This

I've had a lot of death in my immediate family (5 immediate family members in 7 years) and I think you should take advantage of this opportunity and enjoy your time. Why not? What would avoiding the tourist spots do for the deceased or his/her family? Nothing. It won't change a thing and it won't lessen your expression of condolences. If they think it's inappropriate for you to do so, their grief must be addling their brains and you should cut them some slack - but still find something that brings you pleasure, builds memories with your spouse/kids and makes you appreciate the living. What greater way to affirm life is there?

"I do not see how this is inappropriate at all."

Me, too, and I'm a thank-you-note-writing etiquette stickler who never wears black to a wedding.

I would tell your kids that people are going to be sad, so they probably shouldn't talk about their fun day.

Yes, I think this is fine.

I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. It's nice that you are going at all and I'm sure the family will appreciate that.