I wouldn't stress over it. Some families are really weird and unwelcoming. If your spouse can't step in to help ...ummm...he's a weinie.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the issue is with DH. If my parents tried to pull that I wouldn't get in the photo w/o DH and there wouldn't be a photo. If your DH is doing this, I think that's where you need to have the conversation. You can make it stop. It's nuts. You're family and they need to see it.

+1
Except, do you really want lots of memories of people who were exclusive? I don't, so in a way I'm glad I'm left out. I don't really want people to think I am associated with and/or supportive of such gossipy and mean-spirited people. I know when I see group photos posted on FB and other places I assume the people like eachother and I sometimes think "Suzie must not be as nice as I thought if she is so close with the office bully."

My in laws do this too. I don't care to be in photos with them anyway.

In some families, in-laws are not family. It's sad. People miss out on life when they are like this.

My mom's family is like this. There's 12 of us cousins and we've rebelled. We now range in age from about 17-36. Whenever someone gets married, we've instituted a ritual, "the cousin photo," at the reception. It's our way of telling the new spouse, "you're in our family, no matter what our psycho aunts do."

I have been with my husband for 12 years married for 2. Before we were married, every time they did the "family" pics they would have one with just the "married" part of the family - so naturally my son and I stepped to the side. These photos that were taken I took OFF work to do on several occassions. Not 1 photo that was chosen to be proudly displayed had my son or me in them - including the the "grandchildren" photo. So why was I there? I have no clue. if they don't want me in their photos why would I want them in mine?

After we were married they secretly had a professional photo session for the "grandchildren" I found out after the fact and my son (whom they've known since he was 5) was never asked to attend.

Now this year, as with every year, they do a "friends and family" calendar - I am not going to bother submitting our photos.

They have been this way since we came into the "family"
I started noticing this about 4 years into the relationship - and DH said it was normal - I thought it would change based on being "married" - even my DSD says it hasn't, but yet DH or DSD won't step up to defend. It's like I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it really is. I have just gotten to the point where IDGAF, and they can't understand why.
So my question is how do I politely decline the invitation to submit photos for the calendar. I thought about taking some with masks on or of the back of my head or acting like I have completely gotten wasted, and telling them those are the best ones I have. Just for giggles.

OP, I think the issue is with DH. If my parents tried to pull that I wouldn't get in the photo w/o DH and there wouldn't be a photo. If your DH is doing this, I think that's where you need to have the conversation. You can make it stop. It's nuts. You're family and they need to see it.

can you suggest they do one together with you and one wiht just the siblings? seems like a reasonable compromise.

15:54 - OP, your MIL is on here! HAHAHAHA...

Why do you care?

We have, occasionally, done a photo that's just my siblings & me. But we always also do one with the whole family.

We recently did professional family photos and it was actually really nice. DH has 3 brothers and we did a whole range of photos, including one with all of the sisters-in-law and the MIL.

But I hear you OP. It can be miserable sometimes... It will be interesting to see how your children react when they are older.

Sorry to hear, OP. Some ILs (MIL in particular) are just insular, rude, cold and know it all. Very thankfully I don't do things her way. She's just an annoyance at this point. I try to avoid her whenever possible, to be honest. We are very different people and she will never be accepting of that, her loss. Maybe they are doing you a favor.

But I do see wanting to be included. They must be using it against you. Just slide in quietly, don't give them the opportunity to be disrespectful. GL.

My husband is Indian and told me recently that the "real" family was getting together insinuating me, his wife, wasn't part of the "real" family cuz I'm not blood. Nie being married 14 years to that attitude! His family is more accommodating and includes me. How about that twist? Either situation (yours OP or mine), I'd say is dysfunctional and they are idiots and full of bad manners!

Personally if it were me, after te group shot I would take out my camera and ask whichever inlaw was the rudest to "now take one with my camera!!" and make them take the picture!

That is SO rude OP!!! Your inlaws have no manners, I'm really sorry you have to deal with that!

It would be like me taking a family picture and asking my stepson to snap the shot.