Anonymous
Post 07/26/2012 08:56     Subject: s/o how did your affair at work start
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My DH - same story. Already friends, close coworkers that liked to go out drinking. One woman having marriage issues, started drunkenly talking to my husband. They bonded over this intimate conversation, left the group for a drink on their own, he invited her up to his room to chat more, both totally drunk, ended up having sex.

It really is quite shocking how easily this can happen. Read "not just friends" for info on boundaries - once you start to cross a few, especially combined with alcohol, it is a slippery slope straight into the hotel bed.


The reality is that many times, a woman just wants someone who will listen to her. When a man offers that, it is off to the races.


Not just listen, but make her feel attractive. My H views me as a bank, maid and childcare provider. We haven't been emotionally intimate in years.
Anonymous
Post 07/26/2012 08:55     Subject: s/o how did your affair at work start
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My DH - same story. Already friends, close coworkers that liked to go out drinking. One woman having marriage issues, started drunkenly talking to my husband. They bonded over this intimate conversation, left the group for a drink on their own, he invited her up to his room to chat more, both totally drunk, ended up having sex.

It really is quite shocking how easily this can happen. Read "not just friends" for info on boundaries - once you start to cross a few, especially combined with alcohol, it is a slippery slope straight into the hotel bed.


Even if it doesn't turn physical, the whole thing can be very painful and destroy a marriage. Having your spouse bond so completely with someone else in an intimate way is heartbreaking.


I have read that when a wife has an affair, the man is more concerned about the sex (was he better in bed, have a bigger penis?) but when a husband has an affair, the wife fears that he fell in love with another woman. For me, both aspects are painful. I have a difficult time separating sex from emotions.


Wonder if my husband worried about this. He seemed primarily concerned with appearances and the shame if his parents found out. Pathetic for a 45 year old man. And yes of course my lover was leagues better in bed.
Anonymous
Post 07/26/2012 08:53     Subject: Re:s/o how did your affair at work start
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Business trip with him and a bunch of other coworkers


I think that is called a gang-bang.


Ha ha. The sex was with only one person.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2012 22:18     Subject: s/o how did your affair at work start
Mine started with flirty emails making fun of our project and co workers. Then a Facebook friendship. Happy hour and.... Lasted a year. Husband found out. Was miserable the whole time -- convinced myself I loved the dude and he was just looking for a diversion. He made me laugh, feel sexy.

My husband and I worked through it. We did not have kids at the time. We went to therapy and fought for two years. We have a baby now and we are stronger. I would never ever cheat again. It's like eating cake when you are starving.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2012 21:30     Subject: s/o how did your affair at work start
Anonymous wrote:She & I worked side by side at a trading desk for about 5 years. When the economic crisis hit, we scrambled, worked 18 hour days for 3+ mos. & we saved- seriously- a significant company. We knew each others, thoughts, tendencies and habits so that we didn’t even have to speak; it was a look, a nod or a gesture that got us through meetings & trades. The tension was extreme and after a turning point & out of the blue I sent a note to say I needed a beer.

I woke up about 11 that night and sped home and saw somebody I really didn’t know. She was on the couch, per usual, eating & watching chat shows on the telly. She had been doing that for years in between spending the summers at the beach house & driving our 1 child around.

It’s on to 4+ years now and I know her husband has been in a sexless marriage for years. We have a circuit of hotels we hit once/twice a week & I've got 10 years on her.

He brought her away last weekend to a resort for a romantic get-away.


Seriously you guys? This is so obviously fake.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2012 21:20     Subject: s/o how did your affair at work start
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My DH - same story. Already friends, close coworkers that liked to go out drinking. One woman having marriage issues, started drunkenly talking to my husband. They bonded over this intimate conversation, left the group for a drink on their own, he invited her up to his room to chat more, both totally drunk, ended up having sex.

It really is quite shocking how easily this can happen. Read "not just friends" for info on boundaries - once you start to cross a few, especially combined with alcohol, it is a slippery slope straight into the hotel bed.


This is what worries me about my DH, who often travels. He is not the type of guy who is going to go into a bar and pick up a woman. But he is very likeable and I can just see some a co-worker pouring her heart out while he listens attentively.


I'm the PP you responded to and your DH sounds similar to mine. I never worried about him traveling because he's never a single time in his life randomly picked someone up - he's just not that type of guy. But he's very nice and likes to chat and be friendly. I think he truly felt bad for this woman too. All that led to very fast intimate feelings - they really opened up to each other quickly fueled by the drinking, their being out of town, also that I don't think either one sought out to cheat so they felt released and unguarded.

Talk to him about boundaries and make sure he understands how quicklyintimacycan develop unexpectedly.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2012 20:42     Subject: s/o how did your affair at work start
Or just really fucking pretentious.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2012 20:42     Subject: s/o how did your affair at work start
Anonymous wrote:She & I worked side by side at a trading desk for about 5 years. When the economic crisis hit, we scrambled, worked 18 hour days for 3+ mos. & we saved- seriously- a significant company. We knew each others, thoughts, tendencies and habits so that we didn’t even have to speak; it was a look, a nod or a gesture that got us through meetings & trades. The tension was extreme and after a turning point & out of the blue I sent a note to say I needed a beer.

I woke up about 11 that night and sped home and saw somebody I really didn’t know. She was on the couch, per usual, eating & watching chat shows on the telly. She had been doing that for years in between spending the summers at the beach house & driving our 1 child around.

It’s on to 4+ years now and I know her husband has been in a sexless marriage for years. We have a circuit of hotels we hit once/twice a week & I've got 10 years on her.

He brought her away last weekend to a resort for a romantic get-away.


That's because he is either from the UK or a Commonwealth country, or trying to make us think he is.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2012 19:52     Subject: s/o how did your affair at work start
That's what I thought! Hard to follow.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2012 19:38     Subject: s/o how did your affair at work start
Anonymous wrote:She & I worked side by side at a trading desk for about 5 years. When the economic crisis hit, we scrambled, worked 18 hour days for 3+ mos. & we saved- seriously- a significant company. We knew each others, thoughts, tendencies and habits so that we didn’t even have to speak; it was a look, a nod or a gesture that got us through meetings & trades. The tension was extreme and after a turning point & out of the blue I sent a note to say I needed a beer.

I woke up about 11 that night and sped home and saw somebody I really didn’t know. She was on the couch, per usual, eating & watching chat shows on the telly. She had been doing that for years in between spending the summers at the beach house & driving our 1 child around.

It’s on to 4+ years now and I know her husband has been in a sexless marriage for years. We have a circuit of hotels we hit once/twice a week & I've got 10 years on her.

He brought her away last weekend to a resort for a romantic get-away.


Too many pronouns.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2012 19:22     Subject: s/o how did your affair at work start
She & I worked side by side at a trading desk for about 5 years. When the economic crisis hit, we scrambled, worked 18 hour days for 3+ mos. & we saved- seriously- a significant company. We knew each others, thoughts, tendencies and habits so that we didn’t even have to speak; it was a look, a nod or a gesture that got us through meetings & trades. The tension was extreme and after a turning point & out of the blue I sent a note to say I needed a beer.

I woke up about 11 that night and sped home and saw somebody I really didn’t know. She was on the couch, per usual, eating & watching chat shows on the telly. She had been doing that for years in between spending the summers at the beach house & driving our 1 child around.

It’s on to 4+ years now and I know her husband has been in a sexless marriage for years. We have a circuit of hotels we hit once/twice a week & I've got 10 years on her.

He brought her away last weekend to a resort for a romantic get-away.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2012 19:14     Subject: Re:s/o how did your affair at work start
they managed to work on and salvage their relationship. not every couple dealing with infidelity divorce, you know. some get through it
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2012 18:59     Subject: Re:s/o how did your affair at work start
Anonymous wrote:Same story as everyone else, except DH was the one frequently traveling. We had been married a year, and although nothing was really wrong in our relationship, there was an emotional distance growing. The affair lasted 6 months. I was ready to leave DH for the other guy, but he convinced me to give counseling one last try (which I am so grateful for). I was living in a complete fog during the affair -- these situations really make you lose your ever-loving mind and all common sense.



You are immature and untrustworthy and your husband is a wuss. I would be very surprised if he did not have a revenge affair on the road.
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2012 18:53     Subject: Re:s/o how did your affair at work start
Anonymous wrote:Same story as everyone else, except DH was the one frequently traveling. We had been married a year, and although nothing was really wrong in our relationship, there was an emotional distance growing. The affair lasted 6 months. I was ready to leave DH for the other guy, but he convinced me to give counseling one last try (which I am so grateful for). I was living in a complete fog during the affair -- these situations really make you lose your ever-loving mind and all common sense.



Why did DH even stay with you? A newlywed already screwing around?
Anonymous
Post 07/25/2012 18:20     Subject: Re:s/o how did your affair at work start
Same story as everyone else, except DH was the one frequently traveling. We had been married a year, and although nothing was really wrong in our relationship, there was an emotional distance growing. The affair lasted 6 months. I was ready to leave DH for the other guy, but he convinced me to give counseling one last try (which I am so grateful for). I was living in a complete fog during the affair -- these situations really make you lose your ever-loving mind and all common sense.