Get them full time jobs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Northland College (NZ) principal John Tapene has offered the following words from a judge who regularly deals with youth.

“Always we hear the cry from teenagers ‘What can we do, where can we go?’

… My answer is, “Go home, mow the lawn, wash the windows, learn to cook, build a raft, get a job, visit the sick, study your lessons, and after you’ve finished, read a book.”

“Your town does not owe you recreational facilities and your parents do not owe you fun. The world does not owe you a living, you owe the world something. You owe it your time, energy and talent so that no one will be at war, in poverty or sick and lonely again.”

“In other words, grow up, stop being a cry baby, get out of your dream world and develop a backbone, not a wishbone. Start behaving like a responsible person. You are important and you are needed. It’s too late to sit around and wait for somebody to do something someday. Someday is now and that somebody is you…”“

And the teen's listening to this speech all rolled their eyes and said "whatever"?

Haha. Exactly!

maybe they are reading, but at the computer rather than a book. There are a lot of interesting things to read when you surf the web. But I do understand your concern about them not being so active. Maybe you can compromise, they can still play x box and surf the web as long as they get involved in another activity as well.

Anonymous wrote:“Northland College (NZ) principal John Tapene has offered the following words from a judge who regularly deals with youth.

“Always we hear the cry from teenagers ‘What can we do, where can we go?’

… My answer is, “Go home, mow the lawn, wash the windows, learn to cook, build a raft, get a job, visit the sick, study your lessons, and after you’ve finished, read a book.”

“Your town does not owe you recreational facilities and your parents do not owe you fun. The world does not owe you a living, you owe the world something. You owe it your time, energy and talent so that no one will be at war, in poverty or sick and lonely again.”

“In other words, grow up, stop being a cry baby, get out of your dream world and develop a backbone, not a wishbone. Start behaving like a responsible person. You are important and you are needed. It’s too late to sit around and wait for somebody to do something someday. Someday is now and that somebody is you…”“

And the teen's listening to this speech all rolled their eyes and said "whatever"?

They will probably grow up to be fine and this is probably just a momentary phase in their lives, but even in the short term this is not a good way to live ones' life.

Just say no!!!

Disconnect their computers, stop social media, and lock up the video games until they can achieve a reasonable balance between electronic and non-electronic activities.

Be strong because the resistance they will present will be fierce. Be strong and say no more electronics until we regain a more balanced household.

OP - In this day and age, no matter the sex of the teen, I think it is vitally important to have the computer and/or other Internet access stuff out in plain site in a room that folks can easily come by and see. It is up to each family to have their own standards on what they will allow a teen to do as far as social networking etc., But at age 15 and 16, you need to seriously keep reminding that not only what they post - but what others they know may post with an image or reference to them can have a real damaging impact in the future.

- Colleges do look at social web sites and the Internet.

- Employers for sure do so.

Our children are grown, but I was at my brother's home two weeks ago for a family party, and while he seems to have a flat screen tv mounted in too many rooms, I noticed that he had a room right off the kitchen with three individual desk work stations for his three daughters - 14 year old and 11 year old twins. Terrific idea in that kids can't just squirrel away in their rooms 24/7. I also think the idea of when and what kind of cell phones is pertinent to a discussion today. Also, just exactly why would a teen need his/her own tv with cable and all the rest.

You sound like a well-grounded family, and if you all can make a point to have family dinners at least a couple of nights a week that should keep them on keel. It is very hard with all of this technology and 24/7 info being thrown at and available to folks. I guess just the continuing conversation and also to praise them - sincerely and not all the time - on the things they do to help out.

Anonymous wrote:You know there is a sign making the rounds on FB right now. It is something like,

Do you want to know the wifi password of the day?

Well then,

1. Clean xyz

2. Feed the dog

3. Do abc chore

You could certainly insert, wash the cars, walk 2 miles, or some other outdoor activity, OP.

+1

You know there is a sign making the rounds on FB right now. It is something like,

Do you want to know the wifi password of the day?

Well then,

1. Clean xyz

2. Feed the dog

3. Do abc chore

You could certainly insert, wash the cars, walk 2 miles, or some other outdoor activity, OP.

I don't know, when I was their age I would sleep till noon on weekends and stay up till all hours of the night talking to girlfriends on the phone. Don't know that that's all that much more productive than playing video games, although it is more social, I guess. Sounds like they are pretty normal.

Sleeping until noon is normal at their age. So is watching a lot of television.
The only thing that is somewhat concerning is their lack of friends. Have they always had few friends?

“Northland College (NZ) principal John Tapene has offered the following words from a judge who regularly deals with youth.

“Always we hear the cry from teenagers ‘What can we do, where can we go?’

… My answer is, “Go home, mow the lawn, wash the windows, learn to cook, build a raft, get a job, visit the sick, study your lessons, and after you’ve finished, read a book.”

“Your town does not owe you recreational facilities and your parents do not owe you fun. The world does not owe you a living, you owe the world something. You owe it your time, energy and talent so that no one will be at war, in poverty or sick and lonely again.”

“In other words, grow up, stop being a cry baby, get out of your dream world and develop a backbone, not a wishbone. Start behaving like a responsible person. You are important and you are needed. It’s too late to sit around and wait for somebody to do something someday. Someday is now and that somebody is you…”“

My DS was your sons. One way to look at it is that gaming is an interest. Not one that you prefer obviously but it is a legit hobby. My DS played the games, read the trade magazines and pretty much was only interested in gaming (although he does participate in martial arts). So starting last summer, we used his love of gaming to get him out of the house and focus his interest to the "intellectual" side of gaming. We sent him to 2 different video game design camps.

As far as your sons currently, the task list approach worked for our kids.

Do some family game nights. One of the things I notice in my house is that with a nook, laptop, tv ect we all could be together alone and it was not healthy for the family. We started doing a few games like scrabble, monopoly, uno and puzzles and my kids really get into it. They are in their tweens so I know it is not the same but I do know a lot teens that kinda secretly wish for some of the old stuff when they were younger. Plus it may just open up some conversation avenues.

Thanks for the different view points. My husband, not surprisingly, is also in the "let them be" camp. Once I gave their stuff back they were much happier and are willing to do chores, and they are keeping up with summer reading assignments. I just think they must be so lonely -- but they have each other, and that's who they are. They are 15-16, and for us, at least, that's past the "sign them up for something" stage. They just wouldn't go, and it wouldnt' be worth the fight. It is true that I don't have to worry about drinking or drugs or sex when they never leave the house!! Anyway, thanks for the perspectives.

OP, don't despair. Some teens participate on sports teams, while other go to Comic-cons and Game-cons. I think the only thing at risk for your sons at this point is that they will be virgins until college. This teen spent all his free time on YouTube and watching "Dr. Who" and he's doing alright - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charlie_McDonnell. I actually saw hims speak at the Tech@Google even in 2009, so I'd say he's doing better than alright.