I know this distinction will not mean much to many of you, but this isn't "domestic violence" in terms of what the professionals working in the field consider domestic violence. Let me explain before you all cry foul.

Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive, controlling behavior, with specific intentions involved to achieve a desired impact. The impact is to instill fear, the intent is to control behavior. That's what we refer to as domestic violence. Not all violence that occurs in the home is "domestic violence." Some is defensive, some is reactionary, some is brought on by stress, etc.

At least what the OP is describing, and of course I wasn't' there, isn't "domestic violence." It's more like a reaction to stress, or in this case, being verbally abused and witnessing what amounts to emotional abuse of a child. By saying what he said, it sounds to me, he was intending to hurt the child. The child became a pawn in his own frustration.

Before you all jump on me, all violence accept defensive violence is wrong. I get that. But if there's any effort at controlling behavior, let's face it, it came from the husband. No, I'm not victim blaming. I don't think he's a victim. You don't say something like to a child about their mother, damaging a child and their perception of their mother, and still get to be a victim. He's as much to blame as she is, and yes, she's to blame for her reaction to what he did. But he's right in that game.

OP, what if your DH had repeatedly hit you in your head and just walked away, would you have called the cops? I agree with the pp, you're now highly at risk of losing your DD.

Anonymous wrote:No, hopefully your husband calls the cops on you. Domestic violence at its finest.

if he does, he's going to be arrested too// because men are always in the wrong- happen to me

Oh geez. 20:30 here. I was in no way condoning violence. Her story is very frightening. I can't imagine any situation where either me or my spouse would escalate anger to violence, and in front of the kids makes it even scarier.

It sounds like she snapped in a very horrible way. We don't know the whole story. Yes, what she did is domestic violence.

Sounds like your husband was bring verbally cruel to you and your daughter. Apologize make amends. Work very hard for him to forget tonight.
Start saving money now and increase your professional options. You two need to be away from each other I just see this coming up in a custody fight.

Anonymous wrote:Losing your temper - normal. We all lose our cool sometimes.

Hitting your spouse - not acceptable. Do you hit your child? Do you have a history of physical abuse growing up? Do you usually lash out like this when angry? My guess - you have endured years of verbal and emotional abuse from DH (reference his snide comment) and you hit a wall and made a very, very irrational emotionally charged horrible choice.

Not feeling guilty - this is actually very worrisome. I would make an appointment for personal therapy tomorrow.

So if a woman is verbally and emotionally abusive to her husband as many are (snide comments, belittlilng, demeaning, manipulation,) then it is permissible for the man to beat her? Your rationalization of violence is either due to misandry or you also abuse your spouse.

Physical violence among partners is never acceptable. You need to apologize to him and seek help if you feel like this is the way you are going to react to him. If it was vice-versa, I'm sure you would have felt betrayed - how do you think he feels??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One other thing to note is that we are all human and while this is def not the way to go and i cant see myself doing this...one can only take so much before they snap and everyone's threshold is different. If you keep picking at someone over time they are going to react.

I am not condoning but some poster are bashing her as if he gave her a bouquet of roses and they she started beating him out of the blue.

Laying hands on another human being, a spouse at that, without it being self defense, is domestic abuse. She beat him. End of story.

I am not condoning her actions did, but even good people can at the spur of the moment do something regrettable. OP, get counseling and take stock of what you did and why you did. Your husband is also in a state of shock.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Losing your temper - normal. We all lose our cool sometimes.

Hitting your spouse - not acceptable. Do you hit your child? Do you have a history of physical abuse growing up? Do you usually lash out like this when angry? My guess - you have endured years of verbal and emotional abuse from DH (reference his snide comment) and you hit a wall and made a very, very irrational emotionally charged horrible choice.

Not feeling guilty - this is actually very worrisome. I would make an appointment for personal therapy tomorrow.

Oh please... stop assuming.

And rationalizing. She's probably equally snide. She comes off that way in her post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Losing your temper - normal. We all lose our cool sometimes.

Hitting your spouse - not acceptable. Do you hit your child? Do you have a history of physical abuse growing up? Do you usually lash out like this when angry? My guess - you have endured years of verbal and emotional abuse from DH (reference his snide comment) and you hit a wall and made a very, very irrational emotionally charged horrible choice.

Not feeling guilty - this is actually very worrisome. I would make an appointment for personal therapy tomorrow.

Oh please... stop assuming.

Arent you doing just that assuming? or do you know her? You what they about assuming...ass

As for the not feeling guilty..this just happened and she may feel after all she endured they are even..Tomorrow once she has processed everything she may feel differently

Anonymous wrote:One other thing to note is that we are all human and while this is def not the way to go and i cant see myself doing this...one can only take so much before they snap and everyone's threshold is different. If you keep picking at someone over time they are going to react.

I am not condoning but some poster are bashing her as if he gave her a bouquet of roses and they she started beating him out of the blue.

Laying hands on another human being, a spouse at that, without it being self defense, is domestic abuse. She beat him. End of story.

Anonymous wrote:Losing your temper - normal. We all lose our cool sometimes.

Hitting your spouse - not acceptable. Do you hit your child? Do you have a history of physical abuse growing up? Do you usually lash out like this when angry? My guess - you have endured years of verbal and emotional abuse from DH (reference his snide comment) and you hit a wall and made a very, very irrational emotionally charged horrible choice.

Not feeling guilty - this is actually very worrisome. I would make an appointment for personal therapy tomorrow.

Oh please... stop assuming.

One other thing to note is that we are all human and while this is def not the way to go and i cant see myself doing this...one can only take so much before they snap and everyone's threshold is different. If you keep picking at someone over time they are going to react.

I am not condoning but some poster are bashing her as if he gave her a bouquet of roses and they she started beating him out of the blue.

Losing your temper - normal. We all lose our cool sometimes.

Hitting your spouse - not acceptable. Do you hit your child? Do you have a history of physical abuse growing up? Do you usually lash out like this when angry? My guess - you have endured years of verbal and emotional abuse from DH (reference his snide comment) and you hit a wall and made a very, very irrational emotionally charged horrible choice.

Not feeling guilty - this is actually very worrisome. I would make an appointment for personal therapy tomorrow.