Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I find myself singing those Talking Heads lines quite a bit lately. I call it my mid-life crisis. A change at work to a new position helped some on that front, though I don't know how long the novelty will last. Starting to work on getting out more and cultivating some friendships so I don't feel so lonely. Still struggling with what to do about my floundering marriage, though, and that's a big one. Good luck to you finding your new stride.

Good luck, PP! For me, I never realized how profoundly marriage and motherhood would change me, and how disconnected I would end up feeling from the person I was before. I lost the old me somewhere along the line, and feel like I can never relax. Can I really be the only one to have gone through this, or does no one else want to talk about it?

+1

+1000

I really feel for the situation you're in, OP, and reading what you're going through broke my heart. It's tough being a parent/mother/daughter/wife, and there are times in life when I think it's easy to get depressed because you feel that who YOU are becomes lost in all of those consuming roles.

I agree with the other posters that you should drop BF'ing and move to formula and have your DH help more with this. I did it both times when babies were 4 months and I never once regretted it.

It sounds to me like you are afraid of being a failure to everyone around you, and perhaps that is a major source of the frustration in your life. Do you feel that by abandoning BF'ing, you are short-changing your child?

Sounds like you play the role of savior/supporter/carer to everyone from the work place, to the immediate home (husband being out of work and you have to keep things afloat), and your dying parent. Do you not have any siblings to help out in that regard?

Apart from asking your husband to help out with the night feedings and other domestic chores that may fall on you, I would also be sure to talk to him and let him know how you're feeling. It's really important to communicate these feelings, and I would try to do so not just with your husband but with a good friend, or whoever else happens to be close in your life.

Posting your feelings on an anonymous forum like this is not enough. You need to find someone you can go have a drink with and who will listen while you get all this shit out.
Keeping it all in is dangerous, and surely will elad you down a path to worse depression than you may already be experiencing.

Exercise is also important. Sounds to me like you don't have a mere 2 minutes to yourself ever. Find a way of making some time for yourself, whether it be to go and exercise, meet up with a friend, go to a movie, whatever, but I think this is something you should have your husband understand. That it's not selfish asking for this but a matter of you staying SANE!

Good luck. I feel for you, and I hope you will feel better soon and will get some help (can't your co-workers pick up some of the slack at the office?!). I do want to add that the stage of being mother to toddler and baby is one of the toughest, roughest ones!!

Remember that everything feels worse with sleep deprivation. You need a longer stretch of sleep at night. Can your husband do one of the night feedings with pumped milk?

What the hell is you husband doing all day? He is unemployed. He should be taking care of all the domestic duties ALL of them!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If something is making you incredibly unhappy you have to find a way to change it

i just burst into tears reading this. I am so stressed out and I know I have to change but I feel like I can't--right now everything is on my shoulders at work and at home. I have a huge, huge workload that I couldn't possible accomplish even with no kids and no other life, but I have all tehse deadlines which i have to meet because many other people's work and projects depend on them, and my boss is out with a serious illness so I have to keep things running there too. so i have to keep it up for the next 15 months. At home i try to do fun things and be a good mom to my kids, but their ages (baby and toddler) are exhausting, i am nursing and never sleep more than 3 hrs at a stretch and usually am up after they're in bed until 11 or midnight working. DH got laid off, we are in debt and I have a dying parent. i honestly don't know how to get through this period. yoga, pedi, mani? no time, no money, no lasting situational change. i'm pumping right now and even that has crashed--i went from 12 to 8 oz a day in a week.

i have to find a way to live better. i really think otherwise I might truly lose it.

If your husband is laid off and not working, is there more that he can be doing around the house and with the kids to help you out? And as for the breastfeeding honey well, I've been there. In the long run if nursing and pumping are causing stress and family strife, it may just not be worth it. I only made it to six months for various reasons. And if you're using formula then DH can handle the middle of the night feedings while you sleep. I'm so sorry it's so hard on you right now, but it sounds like you really do need a chat with the DH to figure out how you are going to better manage your current situation as a team. You shouldn't be shouldering everything.

+ 1
please dump the breastfeeding and switch to formula. then let your husband handle the night shift - you need to get rest or you will crack.
breastfeeding is optional. don't let anyone make you feel guilty about not doing it. you will have a beautiful healthy baby whether you BF or not.
your health and sanity is way more important.

Anonymous wrote:Okay. So I'm not alone but obviously no one wants to talk about it!

I think people will talk about it if you do. I am an open book this year because my marriage is on the brink and I just don't have the energy to pretend otherwise. I'm AMAZED at how many women/mom friends and aquaintances have looked me dead in the eye and spilled about how counseling helped save their marriage, about how they almost got divorced, about how anti-depressants are helping them, and so on.

Conversely I have a friend who says she has opened up to friends and they are so uncomfortable about it, it's obvious they have issues and can't talk about it yet. Which is understandable too.

Also maybe see your dr about depression. I know you have a lot going on right now, but it's possible.
And you NEED a full night of sleep!!!
You will get through this, also maybe try to get some help at work

Ugh OP, I feel for you! I went through some similar issues around that point too-minus the dying family member
If bf'ing isnt working for you right now-which it sounds like it is just adding on to your pressures-then make the switch! I had to at 6 months and dreaded giving it up but you have to do what works for you

Anonymous wrote:

If something is making you incredibly unhappy you have to find a way to change it

i just burst into tears reading this. I am so stressed out and I know I have to change but I feel like I can't--right now everything is on my shoulders at work and at home. I have a huge, huge workload that I couldn't possible accomplish even with no kids and no other life, but I have all tehse deadlines which i have to meet because many other people's work and projects depend on them, and my boss is out with a serious illness so I have to keep things running there too. so i have to keep it up for the next 15 months. At home i try to do fun things and be a good mom to my kids, but their ages (baby and toddler) are exhausting, i am nursing and never sleep more than 3 hrs at a stretch and usually am up after they're in bed until 11 or midnight working. DH got laid off, we are in debt and I have a dying parent. i honestly don't know how to get through this period. yoga, pedi, mani? no time, no money, no lasting situational change. i'm pumping right now and even that has crashed--i went from 12 to 8 oz a day in a week.

i have to find a way to live better. i really think otherwise I might truly lose it.

If your husband is laid off and not working, is there more that he can be doing around the house and with the kids to help you out? And as for the breastfeeding honey well, I've been there. In the long run if nursing and pumping are causing stress and family strife, it may just not be worth it. I only made it to six months for various reasons. And if you're using formula then DH can handle the middle of the night feedings while you sleep. I'm so sorry it's so hard on you right now, but it sounds like you really do need a chat with the DH to figure out how you are going to better manage your current situation as a team. You shouldn't be shouldering everything.