grow up

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He got MUCH better over the past few years but then suddenly dropped off this year. That's why I'm so disappointed & hurt.

What was his explanation as to why when you confronted him about your disappointment?

He said that he didn't realize that I was so sensitive about birthdays. I calmly told him that birthdays have always been important to me and have expressed it in the past. Nothing over the time, just a simple gesture of appreciation.

He apologized and said that he realizes now for next year and will do something.

Also, he said that these are "stressful times." I told him that a simple folded piece of paper with a crayon drawing from him and our LO would have sufficed. I probably would have hung it up in my office.

Anonymous wrote:

He got MUCH better over the past few years but then suddenly dropped off this year. That's why I'm so disappointed & hurt.

What was his explanation as to why when you confronted him about your disappointment?

He said that he didn't realize that I was so sensitive about birthdays. I calmly told him that birthdays have always been important to me and have expressed it in the past. Nothing over the time, just a simple gesture of appreciation.

He apologized and said that he realizes now for next year and will do something.

I'm trying to figure out why we are letting this dude off the hook. I am not big into birthdays either, but my spouse is. This is just what you do to keep harmony and peace in your home.

OP, I am glad that you voiced your disappointment. He needs to step up his game.

He got MUCH better over the past few years but then suddenly dropped off this year. That's why I'm so disappointed & hurt.

What was his explanation as to why when you confronted him about your disappointment?

Anonymous wrote:Just curious, were birthdays a big thing in your husband's family? My husband doesn't do much for my birthday, but also doesn't expect anything for his. They never really did birthdays in his house growing up after the age of six or so, so to him, this seems normal. I just explained that we do a lot for birthdays in my family, and tried to explain to him that although I don't want a big thing, I do want some celebration (a cake and dinner out with our family at a local restaurant). He still thinks it is really abnormal to dcelbrate an adult birthday, but he does it anyway, and has even agred to let our family recognize his birthday by buying an ice cream cake.

So initially this was the problem. His family just did a small birthday cake and a gift of some sort. I'm more in line with his family on that front. The first few couple of years that we were together I expected nothing but politely mentioned that I like small token of appreciations for birthdays: a card or gift & explained that it makes me feel appreciated.

He got MUCH better over the past few years but then suddenly dropped off this year. That's why I'm so disappointed & hurt.

I realize that I need to move on. Venting makes it easier

Anonymous wrote:On the one hand, I get that it sucks. On the other hand, you're a grown up who doesn't need someone to make your birthday the most special day of the year. We're adults. Sometimes our birthdays aren't thrilling. My birthday was Tuesday... my husband was out of town. So I went to the pool with my DD and took her to Chipotle for dinner. That was about it. Was it great? No. Did it need to be? No. Birthdays are fun and exciting when you're little but when you're older you just need to lower your expectations. Maybe your husband didn't think to go all out because birthdays are no longer a big deal to him and he didn't realize they were supposed to be for you.

PP, there is a difference between requiring a lot of people to go to much expense and effort for your birthday and trying to celebrate with the people you love. Life is short! I think it's great for us to find opportunities to do fun, new, or exciting things.

Just curious, were birthdays a big thing in your husband's family? My husband doesn't do much for my birthday, but also doesn't expect anything for his. They never really did birthdays in his house growing up after the age of six or so, so to him, this seems normal. I just explained that we do a lot for birthdays in my family, and tried to explain to him that although I don't want a big thing, I do want some celebration (a cake and dinner out with our family at a local restaurant). He still thinks it is really abnormal to dcelbrate an adult birthday, but he does it anyway, and has even agred to let our family recognize his birthday by buying an ice cream cake.

Happy Birthday Girlfriend!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And yet another woman who cannot seem to communicate with her DH about what she wants. Another woman who than goes online to rant about her husband who is clueless because she expects him to read her mind. Some guys need a little help. Next time, tell him what you'd like to do for your birthday. Tell him you don't want to plan your own birthday. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and speak up. Be a grown up.

I did tell him what I wanted for my birthday. I made the reservation & have no problem at all with doing so. I was irked that I had to pay for it from my "fun" money because he said that he had already exhausted his for the month. A few weeks ago we were discussing presents... I told him that I wanted a new camera that was more portable than our current one. He started looking for them, even showed me the two he was deciding between for my approval..... then nothing.

Even bedtime: he couldn't even be bothered to come and say goodnight on my birthday. He just went to bed while I was cleaning up the kitchen.

I told him how disappointed I was last night & again this morning.

hmm ... new information here. He sounds depressed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And yet another woman who cannot seem to communicate with her DH about what she wants. Another woman who than goes online to rant about her husband who is clueless because she expects him to read her mind. Some guys need a little help. Next time, tell him what you'd like to do for your birthday. Tell him you don't want to plan your own birthday. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and speak up. Be a grown up.

I did tell him what I wanted for my birthday. I made the reservation & have no problem at all with doing so. I was irked that I had to pay for it from my "fun" money because he said that he had already exhausted his for the month. A few weeks ago we were discussing presents... I told him that I wanted a new camera that was more portable than our current one. He started looking for them, even showed me the two he was deciding between for my approval..... then nothing.

Even bedtime: he couldn't even be bothered to come and say goodnight on my birthday. He just went to bed while I was cleaning up the kitchen.

I told him how disappointed I was last night & again this morning.

Ok, so he gets it. Hopefully next year he remembers what you said and comes through. But you need to let it go now.

Anonymous wrote:And yet another woman who cannot seem to communicate with her DH about what she wants. Another woman who than goes online to rant about her husband who is clueless because she expects him to read her mind. Some guys need a little help. Next time, tell him what you'd like to do for your birthday. Tell him you don't want to plan your own birthday. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and speak up. Be a grown up.

I did tell him what I wanted for my birthday. I made the reservation & have no problem at all with doing so. I was irked that I had to pay for it from my "fun" money because he said that he had already exhausted his for the month. A few weeks ago we were discussing presents... I told him that I wanted a new camera that was more portable than our current one. He started looking for them, even showed me the two he was deciding between for my approval..... then nothing.

Even bedtime: he couldn't even be bothered to come and say goodnight on my birthday. He just went to bed while I was cleaning up the kitchen.

I told him how disappointed I was last night & again this morning.

Let the woman vent. It's cathartic. She didn't say she was divorcing over this.

I personally wish there was a service you could call to kick some ass every time your S.O. forgets a special day. I'm lazy too, so I would take my ass whipping like a grownup and do better next time.

Happy Birthday. Enjoy your week.

Op - your DH is like mine. You will have to train him if you want the birthday you desire. I know its sucks and ruins the specialness of it but that's the only way i got something on birthdays, mother days etc. I found it embarrassing and weird for the kids so its worth it to change this behavior. In my DHs case he would try to find something and when a present didn't come easily he put it off for later never recognizing that the day does come. So tell him what you want - send him the link to it amazon for example so he just has to push the button. Tell him the restaurant - give him the phone number- tell him to call for reservations and arrange a babysitter. Again it stinks but eventually he will catch on and it will get better!

On the one hand, I get that it sucks. On the other hand, you're a grown up who doesn't need someone to make your birthday the most special day of the year. We're adults. Sometimes our birthdays aren't thrilling. My birthday was Tuesday... my husband was out of town. So I went to the pool with my DD and took her to Chipotle for dinner. That was about it. Was it great? No. Did it need to be? No. Birthdays are fun and exciting when you're little but when you're older you just need to lower your expectations. Maybe your husband didn't think to go all out because birthdays are no longer a big deal to him and he didn't realize they were supposed to be for you.