Anonymous
Post 06/18/2012 12:44     Subject: Re:How do you manage on maternity leave with 2 kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well, you manage like mothers around the world since the beginning of time?

I don't understand those of you who had to keep your older child in daycare - is it that hard to take care of a baby and another child? (Yes, I have done this.)


We didn't have to keep our older child in daycare, but she was happier having that option - little kids are creatures of habit and with so much change it was nice for her to keep some things in her life the same. It was also nice to be able to give her baby brother some of the same one on one attention she got when she was a newborn.


Yeah, it would seem cruel to take my 3 year old out of her preschool program for three months and then reintroduce her to that, just so she can watch me breastfeed a newborn all day. And super fun to get dragged to all the appointments - my 6 week check up, baby's 1 week appt, 2 appt., 4 week appt. and 2 month appointment.

I also joined a second time mom's group and no one bought their older child - it was about focusing on our newborns and meeting new moms and getting support. I don't get the stigma - 3 year olds can be pretty demanding of mom's time, I felt my newborn deserved my energy just as my older child had gotten all the energy and attention when she was a newborn. And again, as a working mom, my time is more limited than a SAHM who will see both kids all day every day after the maternity leave time fram is up. Seemed like a win-win.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2012 12:40     Subject: Re:How do you manage on maternity leave with 2 kids?
PP here - nothing is wrong with daycare, but the OP was asking how she could possibly manage with 2 kids, and I was pointing out that lots of moms manage to do this, with even more kids, and it's tough but possible.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2012 12:28     Subject: Re:How do you manage on maternity leave with 2 kids?
Anonymous wrote:Well, you manage like mothers around the world since the beginning of time?

I don't understand those of you who had to keep your older child in daycare - is it that hard to take care of a baby and another child? (Yes, I have done this.)


We didn't have to keep our older child in daycare, but she was happier having that option - little kids are creatures of habit and with so much change it was nice for her to keep some things in her life the same. It was also nice to be able to give her baby brother some of the same one on one attention she got when she was a newborn.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2012 12:24     Subject: Re:How do you manage on maternity leave with 2 kids?
Anonymous wrote:Well, you manage like mothers around the world since the beginning of time?

I don't understand those of you who had to keep your older child in daycare - is it that hard to take care of a baby and another child? (Yes, I have done this.)


Congratulations, you win a cookie.

Hey, the reality is that "since the beginning of time" mothers and fathers marshall their resources to get any number of things done. If you have fewer resources, you do more yourself. If you have more resources, you gather them around you. That's how the world works. If you are a mum and pop to a brand new baby and a toddler who requires a great deal of attention (as toddlers do), then you figure out what works best.

Daycare isn't a bad option, you know, if it's a good one! I remember loving things like camp, playdates, after school programs and stuff like that when I was a kid. Sure, sometimes it was exhausting and I always ran to hug my mommy and daddy when they picked me up or came home, but you know, it was my life and I actually liked it.

And when I had my little one (and big one was 3.5, much more sophisticated at that age), there were times when I just could not muster the energy to play and swing with the enthusiasm that my big girl deserved. I was so grateful for the mums who invited my preschooler over to play for the afternoon!
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2012 12:13     Subject: Re:How do you manage on maternity leave with 2 kids?
Well, you manage like mothers around the world since the beginning of time?

I don't understand those of you who had to keep your older child in daycare - is it that hard to take care of a baby and another child? (Yes, I have done this.)
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2012 10:27     Subject: How do you manage on maternity leave with 2 kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am pregnant and when I give birth my baby will be almost 2. Am I supposed to take care of a 2 year old and a newborn by myself on my 3 month maternity leave? I was barely able to take care of my first child when she was a newborn. I am confused -- what do people do? My DH will probably be able to take 2 weeks off work (maybe) if even that. My mother is in the area, but she is older and can only help a very limited amount. Do most people hire someone? If so, where do I find someone to help? Do mothers do this on their own?


This is not meant to be mean or anything, but really? What do you think most of us who stay home do when we add another kid to the family? I would assume that you would leave your older child in daycare during maternity leave. But if you cannot take care of a newborn and a 2 year old "by yourself," then whey did you have kids. I am not trying to say this in a mean way, but I am being serious.


I'm not the OP, but a SAHM keeping her kids and a working mom keeping them during maternity leave is TOTALLY DIFFERENT. In three months the mom will have to go back to work. It does no one any good if she is going back exhausted. Not her kids, not her, not her husband, and not her employer. The SAHM will get to a place of sanity, the working mom won't.

OP mine were just over 3 years apart and I kept my 3 year old in daycare/preschool most days. It's important to spend the time with bonding with the baby especially if you are going back to work - I didn't feel guilty at all and the 3 year old would have hated missing preschool that long.


How is it exactly different?? I have to "work" staying at home. I can't be totally exhausted or I would be letting my children down. Why wouldn't a working mom get to a place of sanity? Please explain.


I just meant that at 3 months, the working mom has to go back to wearing work clothes, commuting, daycare drop off, earning a living, pumping at work, etc. I'm not saying that SAHMs don't work hard, but at some point after the newborn schedule, they can work to get on a managable schedule. As a working mom, I had a definite drop dead date when I had to be functional, whereas SAHMs may have a bit more leeway. I couldn't afford to have a lot of sick days, or not be up to doing my job. I wanted to be as well rested as possible and it was easier to get to a place of sanity when I could grab a few naps during maternity leave etc.

I'm not trying to start a war, I respect both working and SAH moms and I think both have their challenges and perks. It just made sense to me take advantage of daycare so I could recharge before heading back to work. I got sick quite a bit that first year back after my first and I couldn't afford to do that this time around. Luckily being back at work with two feels so much easier - not sure why - probably just learned to function on less sleep and am more laid back.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2012 10:15     Subject: How do you manage on maternity leave with 2 kids?
When are you due? If it's this summer, it might be worth looking around for a summer camp program for your older child. When I was on maternity leave with my second, my oldest (22 months at the time) went to the summer camp program at his preschool/day-care from 9-1 everyday. It worked out well for us.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2012 09:50     Subject: How do you manage on maternity leave with 2 kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am pregnant and when I give birth my baby will be almost 2. Am I supposed to take care of a 2 year old and a newborn by myself on my 3 month maternity leave? I was barely able to take care of my first child when she was a newborn. I am confused -- what do people do? My DH will probably be able to take 2 weeks off work (maybe) if even that. My mother is in the area, but she is older and can only help a very limited amount. Do most people hire someone? If so, where do I find someone to help? Do mothers do this on their own?


This is not meant to be mean or anything, but really? What do you think most of us who stay home do when we add another kid to the family? I would assume that you would leave your older child in daycare during maternity leave. But if you cannot take care of a newborn and a 2 year old "by yourself," then whey did you have kids. I am not trying to say this in a mean way, but I am being serious.


I'm not the OP, but a SAHM keeping her kids and a working mom keeping them during maternity leave is TOTALLY DIFFERENT. In three months the mom will have to go back to work. It does no one any good if she is going back exhausted. Not her kids, not her, not her husband, and not her employer. The SAHM will get to a place of sanity, the working mom won't.

OP mine were just over 3 years apart and I kept my 3 year old in daycare/preschool most days. It's important to spend the time with bonding with the baby especially if you are going back to work - I didn't feel guilty at all and the 3 year old would have hated missing preschool that long.


How is it exactly different?? I have to "work" staying at home. I can't be totally exhausted or I would be letting my children down. Why wouldn't a working mom get to a place of sanity? Please explain.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2012 09:02     Subject: How do you manage on maternity leave with 2 kids?
Anonymous wrote:I did it. It was very difficult, but you make it work. DD1 was 14 months when DD2 was born and I was home with both of them for 4 months of maternity leave. It was a small disaster but I managed. It didnt help that DD2 nursed 24 hrs a day and DD1 decided to give up her nap - she got maybe 15-30 mins of sleep per day, usually when I was walking her in the stroller (which was not helpful as I could not sit and rest).

What helped was
1) having a friend who I could get together with every day. She had a 1 y.o. DD too and the girls could (sortof) play together.
2) having a set schedule. We were out the door every morning to the park by 9am. 10:30 story time at the library, 11:30 lunch, 12 - gym for me and kids went to babysitting there, 1 -"nap", usually just sitting home quietly and playing, 3 - back out to the park, book store, pool (only with another adult), etc
3) knowing DH would be home by 5-6pm.

Good luck!


PP here. I also wore DD2 everywhere and learned to nurse her inside the carrier (we used a Baby Ktan). She nursed at the playground, at the grocery store, walking down the street. It was a little insane but it worked for us.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2012 09:01     Subject: How do you manage on maternity leave with 2 kids?
I did it. It was very difficult, but you make it work. DD1 was 14 months when DD2 was born and I was home with both of them for 4 months of maternity leave. It was a small disaster but I managed. It didnt help that DD2 nursed 24 hrs a day and DD1 decided to give up her nap - she got maybe 15-30 mins of sleep per day, usually when I was walking her in the stroller (which was not helpful as I could not sit and rest).

What helped was
1) having a friend who I could get together with every day. She had a 1 y.o. DD too and the girls could (sortof) play together.
2) having a set schedule. We were out the door every morning to the park by 9am. 10:30 story time at the library, 11:30 lunch, 12 - gym for me and kids went to babysitting there, 1 -"nap", usually just sitting home quietly and playing, 3 - back out to the park, book store, pool (only with another adult), etc
3) knowing DH would be home by 5-6pm.

Good luck!
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2012 08:50     Subject: How do you manage on maternity leave with 2 kids?
OP, I'm the nanny who posted before.

BF was a breeze the first time around for us. The second time not so much but let me tell you, the crying with #1 was gut wrenching and still is for me, with #2 it's totally different and I'm not feeling guilty. I'm much more tolerant to his cry, I don't obsess about stimulating him as much, we just go on with our day observing #1's sacred routine and life is good. And let me tell you, #1 had a flat head besides all our efforts from day 1 to carry the baby as much as we could, #2 has the roundest head out there so I guess I'm not neglecting her
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2012 08:39     Subject: How do you manage on maternity leave with 2 kids?
My kids are three and five months - when I was on maternity leave, our oldest went to daycare most days because she liked her routine and wanted to see her friends. She dearly loves her baby brother, but she was very frustrated in the early days when he was eating every two hours or so and I wasn't very available to her. Sending her to daycare during that time took away a lot of that frustration. When the baby got a bit older and could go longer between feedings, we had some nice days with all of us at home. I also agree with the PPs who've said it's less intimidating the second time around - you've got walking, talking proof that you got through this once, and you can do it again.

I stocked our freezer with easy meals, and we ate a decent amount of pizza in the early weeks too. When we had grandparents in town, it was really great for our big girl to get some extra attention from them - perhaps your mom can do something special with your two year old or take the baby for a bit so you can do something fun together.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2012 07:13     Subject: How do you manage on maternity leave with 2 kids?
Anonymous wrote:Keep the spot in daycare until the nanny gets to town.


Do this please.

Also, you will handle baby #2 with way more confidence. My second child struggled to eat and dropped way too much weight in the first weeks. I was cool as a cucumber. Had that happened with my first child, I would have been a mess because I had no idea what I was doing. If nothing else, you now know that nothing lasts forever. You made it through the challenges with #1 and even decided to try it again. Tap into the strength that got you through the first go around.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2012 07:01     Subject: How do you manage on maternity leave with 2 kids?
Keep the spot in daycare until the nanny gets to town.
Anonymous
Post 06/18/2012 06:48     Subject: Re:How do you manage on maternity leave with 2 kids?
Anonymous wrote:OP, did you breastfeed your first child? Was that part of why it was so hard with a newborn?

This is just my personal experience, and I'm sure not true for everyone, but I personally found breastfeeding the first one time consuming and exhausting -- there was a steep learning curve for me. And what I also found was that it all came a LOT easier with the second one. I had already mastered so many things, and the milk also came a lot more quickly -- it was like my body knew more what to do. I had already mastered the art of using a sling (so I could nurse the baby while walking around).

It took about 2 weeks to physically recover and get nursing established, and then I was more or less back to normal... carrying the baby many places in the sling while I took the older child out and about. Even so I had a lot of help for the first 6 weeks. Other moms in our neighborhood made meals for us 2 or 3 x a week and we had also prepped a lot of easy freezer dinners. My husband took 2 weeks off, and each grandma came for 2 weeks so I had help for a total of 6 weeks and that got me through the toughest part. They also cooked meals and put some in the freezer. The baby did sleep most of the day at first and that helped.

Also I spent a LOT less time thinking about "stimulating" the newborn -- I just let her watch her older brother for interesting things to do! And I spent a lot less time worrying than I did with my first born. If the baby was sleeping, I was doing housework -- or playing with the toddler.



yes and I also got very sick when my baby was about 6 weeks old. I also was pumping 10 times a day. I literally could not even shower or brush my teeth ever and my baby was VERY colicky and could not be put down and slept maybe 20 minutes at a time. This is why I think I may not be able to handle a newborn with a toddler. I could barely handle just a newborn. I think when newborn is older, everything will be OK but it's those first 3 months that I don't think I can do.

Sorry I did not explain about toddler --we will be taking toddler out of daycare and hiring a nanny but nanny can't start until newborn will be about 3 months old. I say this b/c we have a nanny in mind and she is moving to the area at that time.