Anonymous
06/15/2012 09:37
Subject: Do you tell his wife?
"Led him on"? What is is this, 1955?
Anonymous
06/15/2012 09:36
Subject: Do you tell his wife?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Dude, flirting is FINE. What is wrong with all of you?
Flirting between married people is the only way we can get our rocks off with people other than our spouses!
He was wrong to want it to go further, though. And she should be very clear with him and cut out the flirting to send a strict message
And NO WAY should you tell anyone. No point. Stay out of it. If he wants to cheat he will find a way and she will find out somehow. I really think it's not going to do any good for you to get involved. Your friend will resent you and be jealous NO MATTER what. And if they stay together your friendship with them will certainly be over because you will be a) a threat (he thinks you are cute) and b) a reminder of his indiscretion
As for telling your DH about how you flirted. I have been in a sorta similar situation. A friend was jealous about my friendship with her husband. I talked it over with my own husband and we talked about how i do act flirty with this guy and with other guys but that doesn't mean i would ever take it any further. My DH totally gets that. Thinks it's sorta hot that I am flirty. He is not threatened by it and vaguely turned on by it. Of course, he would go ballistic if i made any moves or did anything beyond flirtation!
I supposed you may be technically correct but doing what you do isn't any different than someone walking around waving $100 bills and then being outraged when someone steals it from her. In her mind, she wasn't inviting anyone to steal it and if she wasn't giving it away it IS stealing but waving that $100 around sure seems like an invitation....a giveaway.
Spoken like someone who blames rapes on short skirts. Get over it, dude: women aren't obligated to want to sleep with you. Since this is true even when their pants are actually off, it's even more true when their terrible behavior is laughing at your unfunny jokes or patting you on the arm.
Anonymous
06/15/2012 09:29
Subject: Re:Do you tell his wife?
So let me get this straight. You (married) flirted with a married man. Now, you are wondering whether you should tell because he tried to take you up on what he perceived to be your offer.
Sure. Tell. But be prepared to tell your DH and his DW what led to the question – that you flirted with the guy and made it seem as you were interested in him. If you tell it….TELL IT ALL!!
You seem to like a lot of drama.
Sure. Tell. But be prepared to tell your DH and his DW what led to the question – that you flirted with the guy and made it seem as you were interested in him. If you tell it….TELL IT ALL!!
You seem to like a lot of drama.
Anonymous
06/15/2012 08:19
Subject: Do you tell his wife?
Only if you include the fact, "and I led him on."
Anonymous
06/15/2012 08:07
Subject: Do you tell his wife?
Anonymous wrote:Dude, flirting is FINE. What is wrong with all of you?
Flirting between married people is the only way we can get our rocks off with people other than our spouses!
He was wrong to want it to go further, though. And she should be very clear with him and cut out the flirting to send a strict message
And NO WAY should you tell anyone. No point. Stay out of it. If he wants to cheat he will find a way and she will find out somehow. I really think it's not going to do any good for you to get involved. Your friend will resent you and be jealous NO MATTER what. And if they stay together your friendship with them will certainly be over because you will be a) a threat (he thinks you are cute) and b) a reminder of his indiscretion
As for telling your DH about how you flirted. I have been in a sorta similar situation. A friend was jealous about my friendship with her husband. I talked it over with my own husband and we talked about how i do act flirty with this guy and with other guys but that doesn't mean i would ever take it any further. My DH totally gets that. Thinks it's sorta hot that I am flirty. He is not threatened by it and vaguely turned on by it. Of course, he would go ballistic if i made any moves or did anything beyond flirtation!
I supposed you may be technically correct but doing what you do isn't any different than someone walking around waving $100 bills and then being outraged when someone steals it from her. In her mind, she wasn't inviting anyone to steal it and if she wasn't giving it away it IS stealing but waving that $100 around sure seems like an invitation....a giveaway.
Anonymous
06/15/2012 07:57
Subject: Do you tell his wife?
Say nothing! Consider yourself lucky for dodging a bullet.
Revealing this will cause unnecessary anxiety and anger for your husband...turmoil for this man's wife and potentially break up the home of one or more little girls!
Keep the dark truth to yourself. It's not to big of a cross to bear considering the feelings it will spare in the long run.
This man will either realize the error of his ways and refoucus on his marriage or continue along the path of letting it implode.
This is very dangerous stuff. Don't get caught up in black and white morality- you have to consider the consequences of all of the people here. Is it worth it to alleviate some minor guilt?
Revealing this will cause unnecessary anxiety and anger for your husband...turmoil for this man's wife and potentially break up the home of one or more little girls!
Keep the dark truth to yourself. It's not to big of a cross to bear considering the feelings it will spare in the long run.
This man will either realize the error of his ways and refoucus on his marriage or continue along the path of letting it implode.
This is very dangerous stuff. Don't get caught up in black and white morality- you have to consider the consequences of all of the people here. Is it worth it to alleviate some minor guilt?
Anonymous
06/15/2012 07:52
Subject: Do you tell his wife?
You tell the wife and she leaves her husband. Your friendship is still over because you were part of the flirting (which is unfair but there it is)
You tell the wife and they stay together and go to counseling. Your friendship is over for obvious reasons (you are a symbol and a sexual threat for sure)
You tell the wife and she doesn't believe you. Your friendship is over.
You tell the wife and she is in denial about it and represses it. Your friendship is over cuz the husband is super pissed at you for telling.
You tell her and your friendship is over. So if you are doing this to be a good friend and maintain the loyalty and trust of a friend, you are wasting your time!
You tell the wife and they stay together and go to counseling. Your friendship is over for obvious reasons (you are a symbol and a sexual threat for sure)
You tell the wife and she doesn't believe you. Your friendship is over.
You tell the wife and she is in denial about it and represses it. Your friendship is over cuz the husband is super pissed at you for telling.
You tell her and your friendship is over. So if you are doing this to be a good friend and maintain the loyalty and trust of a friend, you are wasting your time!
Anonymous
06/15/2012 07:48
Subject: Do you tell his wife?
I would TOTALLY tell DH and be 100% honest with him about everything. Hiding thing causes probs later on. I would not tell friend.
Anonymous
06/15/2012 07:48
Subject: Do you tell his wife?
Dude, flirting is FINE. What is wrong with all of you?
Flirting between married people is the only way we can get our rocks off with people other than our spouses!
He was wrong to want it to go further, though. And she should be very clear with him and cut out the flirting to send a strict message
And NO WAY should you tell anyone. No point. Stay out of it. If he wants to cheat he will find a way and she will find out somehow. I really think it's not going to do any good for you to get involved. Your friend will resent you and be jealous NO MATTER what. And if they stay together your friendship with them will certainly be over because you will be a) a threat (he thinks you are cute) and b) a reminder of his indiscretion
As for telling your DH about how you flirted. I have been in a sorta similar situation. A friend was jealous about my friendship with her husband. I talked it over with my own husband and we talked about how i do act flirty with this guy and with other guys but that doesn't mean i would ever take it any further. My DH totally gets that. Thinks it's sorta hot that I am flirty. He is not threatened by it and vaguely turned on by it. Of course, he would go ballistic if i made any moves or did anything beyond flirtation!
Flirting between married people is the only way we can get our rocks off with people other than our spouses!
He was wrong to want it to go further, though. And she should be very clear with him and cut out the flirting to send a strict message
And NO WAY should you tell anyone. No point. Stay out of it. If he wants to cheat he will find a way and she will find out somehow. I really think it's not going to do any good for you to get involved. Your friend will resent you and be jealous NO MATTER what. And if they stay together your friendship with them will certainly be over because you will be a) a threat (he thinks you are cute) and b) a reminder of his indiscretion
As for telling your DH about how you flirted. I have been in a sorta similar situation. A friend was jealous about my friendship with her husband. I talked it over with my own husband and we talked about how i do act flirty with this guy and with other guys but that doesn't mean i would ever take it any further. My DH totally gets that. Thinks it's sorta hot that I am flirty. He is not threatened by it and vaguely turned on by it. Of course, he would go ballistic if i made any moves or did anything beyond flirtation!
Anonymous
06/15/2012 07:18
Subject: Do you tell his wife?
Anonymous wrote:10 bucks says that she won't say that she flirted with him when she tells her DH.
+100
Anonymous
06/15/2012 07:14
Subject: Do you tell his wife?
I agree - OP is a creep for flirting with the DH in the first place.
I disagree that the only person she should think of is herself, the OP. It's that kind of thinking that got her in this position. Putting the shoes on the other foot, if you were the wife and your friend knew your husband was or could be cheating, and that friend did not tell you, you would never speak to that friend again. If this person really is your friend, OP, you owe it to her to be truthful despite the consequences to you. You brought this on yourself and now you know her DH may be screwing around on her all over town and bringing home any number of diseases. With AIDS and the like out there, it literally is a question of her health and possibly even her life. I would absolutely tell. And apologize!!!
I disagree that the only person she should think of is herself, the OP. It's that kind of thinking that got her in this position. Putting the shoes on the other foot, if you were the wife and your friend knew your husband was or could be cheating, and that friend did not tell you, you would never speak to that friend again. If this person really is your friend, OP, you owe it to her to be truthful despite the consequences to you. You brought this on yourself and now you know her DH may be screwing around on her all over town and bringing home any number of diseases. With AIDS and the like out there, it literally is a question of her health and possibly even her life. I would absolutely tell. And apologize!!!
Anonymous
06/15/2012 07:07
Subject: Re:Do you tell his wife?
I have flirted with him and he has flirted back before, but I never intended to go down that road
Why in the world would you have flirted with him? How was he supposed to take it? Why would you be surprised if he tried to pursue it further? I can't believe how you'd disrepect your friend so much by flirting with her DH. Friends don't flirt with the friends' DHs. He may not have even thought about having an affair until you started flirting with him. You absolutely should not tell your friend about this but you should do a lot of self examination to see why you engage in this type of damaging behavior. How shameful.
Anonymous
06/15/2012 04:48
Subject: Do you tell his wife?
I woulk keep my distance from the family; I mean, it would be weird talking to a married friend like all is normal after he asked to start an affair.
Anonymous
06/15/2012 03:30
Subject: Do you tell his wife?
That's why it's calling flirting and not the other F word. OP, Do not tell anyone but pull back from the entire family. They are in pre-combustion mode.
Anonymous
06/15/2012 01:01
Subject: Do you tell his wife?
Two questions. To what degree were you guys flirting? how did you flirt back with him?
And, how did he go about asking you for the affair?
Neither of these questions are important for your answer, but I'd still like to know.
And, how did he go about asking you for the affair?
Neither of these questions are important for your answer, but I'd still like to know.