Anonymous wrote:Ok, OP, you need to calm down.

1) This woman is crazy. You know this. So stop giving her words power over you. So what if she says she's going to make the court take away your child support? She can say that all she wants -- doesn't make it true. If she's sending you crazy emails, block her email address. If she's sending you crazy texts, block her number. Disengage. A judge -- ideally a non-crazy judge -- will work this out. Deal with the judge, not with her.

2) That said, you need to readjust your focus here. Your kid should be your number one priority, yes, but there is a new, innocent party here: this new kid has done nothing wrong, and is about to be hurled into a world of crazy drama. Wouldn't it help this kid (if it turns out that the kid is your kid's half-sibling) to have access to some stable family environment? Right now, all your posts are about how the adults are interacting, and how the adults are pissing you off. How about you stop worrying about the drama llamas and start thinking about this new kid, and how to help that kid out?

That appears to be in short supply in this dynamic. OP certainly isn't who I picture when I hear "stable."

Anonymous wrote:Trash is trash, I call it like I see it. I never said I was any better than anyone else, however, this woman is trash. Am I angry at him for even putting all of us in this situation? Yes. However I am not telling him what to do. And if we're one angry outburst from being 'cut off' ourselves, then so be it. That's on him. I'm not about to try and chase him down and force him to be a father if it comes to a point he no longer wants to do so. I can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do. This other woman doesn't understand that she can't make him come around, and neither can I. The only thing he can be made to do is support that child financially if it is his, and that's it. And he will accept that responsibility and pay what he is ordered to. And that should be it, but no, this woman goes so far as to tell me that's not good enough. She wants him ovr to visit, to spend holidays with her, to bring our child with him to do that, in her home, on every holiday, birthdays, weekends, etc. And that she will tell the judge since I work and she doesn't, that all support should go to her because 2 babies are expensive (since there's another one coming). This is nuts, and she thinks she can get a court to order this. That is why being involved would be beyond crazy in his eyes, and why I don't want my child anywhere near her. And that's just the beginning of her demands.
But according to some of you, I'm just supposed to go along with our kids being siblings and everyone hold hands and sing songs and all is great just because of one sloppy drunken night. Now, try putting yourself in my shoes, and get these crazy emails from this woman, and see how you would feel...

Eek, you appear a little deranged yourself. While the other mother appears a little over the top (and confused) re financial support, you seems a little more incensed at her desire for her child to have a relationship with his father and half-sibling. While I understand you don't want that (and boy, does that make you selfish), it's not exactly a crazy request. As for "going along with your kids being siblings" - they are siblings. You can't change that.

Ok, OP, you need to calm down.

1) This woman is crazy. You know this. So stop giving her words power over you. So what if she says she's going to make the court take away your child support? She can say that all she wants -- doesn't make it true. If she's sending you crazy emails, block her email address. If she's sending you crazy texts, block her number. Disengage. A judge -- ideally a non-crazy judge -- will work this out. Deal with the judge, not with her.

2) That said, you need to readjust your focus here. Your kid should be your number one priority, yes, but there is a new, innocent party here: this new kid has done nothing wrong, and is about to be hurled into a world of crazy drama. Wouldn't it help this kid (if it turns out that the kid is your kid's half-sibling) to have access to some stable family environment? Right now, all your posts are about how the adults are interacting, and how the adults are pissing you off. How about you stop worrying about the drama llamas and start thinking about this new kid, and how to help that kid out?

Trash is trash, I call it like I see it. I never said I was any better than anyone else, however, this woman is trash. Am I angry at him for even putting all of us in this situation? Yes. However I am not telling him what to do. And if we're one angry outburst from being 'cut off' ourselves, then so be it. That's on him. I'm not about to try and chase him down and force him to be a father if it comes to a point he no longer wants to do so. I can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do. This other woman doesn't understand that she can't make him come around, and neither can I. The only thing he can be made to do is support that child financially if it is his, and that's it. And he will accept that responsibility and pay what he is ordered to. And that should be it, but no, this woman goes so far as to tell me that's not good enough. She wants him ovr to visit, to spend holidays with her, to bring our child with him to do that, in her home, on every holiday, birthdays, weekends, etc. And that she will tell the judge since I work and she doesn't, that all support should go to her because 2 babies are expensive (since there's another one coming). This is nuts, and she thinks she can get a court to order this. That is why being involved would be beyond crazy in his eyes, and why I don't want my child anywhere near her. And that's just the beginning of her demands.
But according to some of you, I'm just supposed to go along with our kids being siblings and everyone hold hands and sing songs and all is great just because of one sloppy drunken night. Now, try putting yourself in my shoes, and get these crazy emails from this woman, and see how you would feel...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what a man.

Not the OP, but why is his choosing to stay out of the child's life any different than giving a child up for adoption?

in adoption a child goes to a family that really wants that baby
in this case the baby stays with the mother that the op says is trash, and is in an unstable relationship

either way, this is not adoption.

There's an old saying about a pot and a kettle that comes to mind . . .

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he is a man. Takes care of his child very well thank you. This is a very complicated situation, and again, there is way more to this woman and her family then I've put out here. It's easy to judge, and I didn't come her for judgment, but believe me, we've all (me, him, his own family, etc) discussed what would be the best way to handle this. It's not an easy choice to make. At all. And like I said, if it is his child, he will financially support the child, because it is the right thing to do. Maybe one day he will have a different view as far as a relationship with this child, however, in order to do so, would mean years of unnecessary nonsense from the mother.

I have not tried to sway my boyfriend either way on what to do about the child. He says he just doesn't want to be an involved father. If he has to pay support, fine, but that's all his involvement. He won't talk about it, and I have no problem if he does want to see this other child if it is his, but he just feels it would be way more trouble than its worth. Plus this child knows the new husband as Dad, and he feels it would just be better to leave it that way. So not much I can do about that.

Quite a catch you've got there, OP. He fathers a child, but since he doesn't want to deal with the mother, he cuts off any potential relationship with the child. What a man. (And why do I think you have more than a little to do with this decision?)

Just remember, you and your child are one angry outburst from being the next to be cut off. (I know, I know, that could never happen to you. Right, got it.)

Right because marriage will stop anyone from having an affair or getting divorced.

This is why people having kids with people they are married to is a good idea.

Wow, such judgmental people. I came here for advice, not to be judged. And like I said, there is a LOT more to this woman and her family. If you knew ALL the details, you'd agree to stay far away from them. HALF sibling or not, I do not want my child exposed to any of them. Period. Yes, we all feel sorry for her child, and it is a difficult situation, especially if it IS his child, but if he were to become involved it would mean constant harassment, 'we need this', 'we need that' - from her and her family, and the conditions put on him to see his child would be complete chaos in his life and that of the child.

That is his decision, not mine. Whether I agree with him or not, is not up to me. It's his. And I have to support whatever he chooses to do.

Her family being nice and friendly? All they see him is a big fat paycheck. He actually was willing to to allow her husband to adopt the child as his own, which her husband wants. She said nope, she wants the money. So it's not about the child's best interest to her and her family, it's the money. He had even said, if it is his child and the new husband wants to adopt the child, he would be willing to make a lump sum support payment before agreeing to give up his rights, so it's not like he's trying to get out of 'paying' anything. But nope, she wants a weekly check.

And why am I worried about this chic? She involved me by continually contacting me and harassing me. I dont' like drama, I don't like trash, and I don't like either in my life and I especially don't like my daughter's support being threatened. And I am very aware her child is entitled to support, however my child is also entitled to continue the support received and for this woman to tell me she will get it 'all' for her child is absurd. I don't have the time or patience to be in and out of court for the next 18 years having to defend what a court has already ordered for my child. My child is my first priority and I won't have her subjected to a bunch of bs, which this whole situation is.

anyway, for those of you who gave me decent advice and some good points to think about, I thank you. For those of you who are so judgmental, I hope you never find yourself in this position, because no one is a winner in any of this and hope you feel better with yourself.

Be glad Texas retroactive support can go back 18years if the daddy had notice he might be a daddy. Dc is max 2.

Anonymous wrote:Okay thank you. I didn't think she could dictate what happens to my support.

Does anyone however, know whether or not she can even go after my boyfriend since she was married when this child was born and is listed on the birth certificate as the father? She currently is suing him for child support and dna testing has been ordered.

Well if The exhusband is proven to not be the husband your "boyfriend" is fair game And he has notice of the child. FYI if it's DC she might be entitled to retroactive support and medical expenses making your "boyfriend" immediately in the arrears.
Also should he not pay her your "boyfriend" can go to jail.

Aren't you entitled. She is not coming after your child's support. Your boyfriends other child is entitled to support period. Why are you worried about this chic? You have your order get the dead weight out of your life.... Duh I don't know how she got pregnant. We were on a break! Give me a break. Hope you got tested hon.

Anonymous wrote:I still think its similar to adoption. A parent is choosing not to continue to be a parent. For whatever reason.

But the kid does not get a new and better home.
In adoption a kid is supposed to go to a better home. He is abondoning the kid knowing the sad situation. Not placing the kid in a better home

I think the OP should also leave this looser of a man. I personally would lose respect for him and that would eat away the relationship
At least if you end up with a custody fight you can always bring up how he abandoned this other child of his.

The other family is doing what they can to be nice and friendly. That is a lot. I think OP should also. The kids are siblings after all.
Pity about the deadbeat dad. He will be out of the picture eventually

I still think its similar to adoption. A parent is choosing not to continue to be a parent. For whatever reason.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what a man.

Not the OP, but why is his choosing to stay out of the child's life any different than giving a child up for adoption?

in adoption a child goes to a family that really wants that baby
in this case the baby stays with the mother that the op says is trash, and is in an unstable relationship

either way, this is not adoption.