Wait, he hasn't initiated in a year. What happens when you initiate? Have you not bumped uglies for a year, or only bumped them when you asked to bump?

Sounds like my marriage. I got divorced, I can get sex now, I guess, but it's just that- sex. Being divorced w pre- schoolers, is hard! I do not recommend it.

THanks, everyone, again OP here, your feedback is very constructive and helpful in gaining insight to situation. I truly believe DH is closet gay at this point.

Anonymous wrote:My guess is the OP is really the DH. I'm having a real hard time imagining this to be DW issue.

OP here. I am in fact a DW. And a DW who is young, fit, get asked out on streets by guys, same figure as before my kids were born. Yes it CAN HAPPEN to a DW as well as to a DH to be sex-starved. It really sucks because none of my female friends have been through this, thus I am turning to random internet.

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm, I've heard a lot of women shut down sexually when they don't feel an emotional connection, but I thought guys were different? Sounds like he is out of there OP. Maybe try "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It". For some people things go back but for most people it seems that once things head south they stay that way.

Read "The Sex Starved Wife." Stats are pretty staggering - it's a myth that men always have an easy time with sex. In fact, men are taught to suppress emotions often and not express themselves so it is not that shocking when men start having trouble having intimate sex after being married for several years. The wife is usually the one posed as having the issue but often she may have lost all desire for a man who quit trying, can't open up, and doesn't feel connected. Doesn't mean she has lost sexual desire, she has lost it for him. 70% of divorces in this country are instigated by women.

Hmmm, I've heard a lot of women shut down sexually when they don't feel an emotional connection, but I thought guys were different? Sounds like he is out of there OP. Maybe try "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It". For some people things go back but for most people it seems that once things head south they stay that way.

My guess is the OP is really the DH. I'm having a real hard time imagining this to be DW issue.

Yes, OP here, agree that I need more out of marriage and life; kids are still young - preschool age - so have been in a holding pattern for a few years until they are in school and I can get my act in gear on the relationship; maybe denial set in for several years and I'm waking up out of it. I'm an optimist and kept thinking that this was just a "phase" and that things would "get better". Part of me wonders if DH is trying to drive me to a divorce because he doesn't want to initiate it?

get an attorney, see a couples counselor at the same time. You should at least have a process and safe place through which you can discuss this, though to me it sounds like there is a vast emotional chasm which you will not be able to bridge on your own and he's not able to meet you. I'd leave, honestly, because based on your other posts, its not really about the sex, its about the emotional connection in other areas of your marriage too.

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm, OP here, he said a few years ago when I Brought this up that he felt "no emotional connection" to me. He did not initiate again int he years following, except maybe once a year. Yes there are problems in the maririage and agree that this could indicate huge problems.

He feels no emotional connection but had children with you? How old are your kids? At some point he had sex with you and did he feel an emotional connection then?

No emotional connection seems like he is not willing to work at improving the marriage and it is unfixable. Get advise from a good divorce attorney so you are prepared. It is only a matter of time you will need one.

OP, I commend you for wanting advice instead of sleeping behind your DH's back. I honestly believe that honesty is the best policy, so talk with him about your needs.