Anonymous wrote:

he does not sound like a jerk, he is a jerk. he thinks that the role of a woman is to be supporting and encouraging and obtaining what she wants by using her feminility, while the husband obviously is the one who make the right choices for both. poor insecure man, you must really feel very little if you need a partner who can only smile lovingly at you and cannot even express her opinions and participate in the decision making process, other than using her "feminility". sounds like you have self estime issues. I grew up in a family where my parents were equal, loved, respected and supported each other, made each other feel safe and protected, confronted their opinions before making, jointly, any decision. my father was a highly paid professional, and my mother a SAHM, and they were always, before us and everybody, equal partners.

Anonymous wrote:16:48 - you sound like a real charmer.............

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does 'know your place' mean?

It means that everyone has a role to play in life, and people would be much happier if they "played their role" instead of trying to force themselves into a role that doesn't fit.
A wife's role is not to compete with her husband, boss him around, complain about everything, run over him, etc. Instead she should learn the art of femininity. It's not a bad thing to be supportive, encouraging, and kind. In fact, you'll get more of what you want if you learn how to properly treat your husband. (Aside from the exceptions I mentioned before). Life will be easier for you if you learn where your power lies and how to use it...or you can keep doing what you are doing and you will be forever complaining about your husband.

Men too, have a place or a role to play. It's not to ignore their wives, belittle them, sit on the couch and play games all day, etc. Instead they need to learn how to love their wives, truly love them and make it known. She should feel like a Queen. She should feel safe with you, confident that you can make the right choices, loved, and protected.

PP, as much as I absolutely despise the insultingly gendered way you are describing things, I think I agree with your underlying point. In a marriage, each person has a role to play. I would say that that role is not always dictated by gender, but frankly, sometimes it is. I would say that the role of a spouse and a lover and a partner is not to compete, not to boss around, complain or belittle. The role of a lover/partner/spouse is to make their lover/partner/spouse feel safe and loved and confident and protected. I am a woman, married to a man, and I do my best every day to make sure that my husband feels safe, loved and protected in my company. I know he does the same for me.

Perhaps you come from a culture where gender roles are particularly rigid. That's not how I was raised, but your message of love and mutual respect for each other's strengths is a good one. Just stop saying "know your place" because it makes you sound like a jerk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does 'know your place' mean?

It means that everyone has a role to play in life, and people would be much happier if they "played their role" instead of trying to force themselves into a role that doesn't fit.
A wife's role is not to compete with her husband, boss him around, complain about everything, run over him, etc. Instead she should learn the art of femininity. It's not a bad thing to be supportive, encouraging, and kind. In fact, you'll get more of what you want if you learn how to properly treat your husband. (Aside from the exceptions I mentioned before). Life will be easier for you if you learn where your power lies and how to use it...or you can keep doing what you are doing and you will be forever complaining about your husband.

Men too, have a place or a role to play. It's not to ignore their wives, belittle them, sit on the couch and play games all day, etc. Instead they need to learn how to love their wives, truly love them and make it known. She should feel like a Queen. She should feel safe with you, confident that you can make the right choices, loved, and protected.

Anonymous wrote:What does 'know your place' mean?

Anonymous wrote:What does 'know your place' mean?

Anonymous wrote: This type of attitude is a major part of the problem. There is nothing degrading about knowing your place, . . . You complain, complain, complain and live in a fantasy land instead of being appreciative for what you have. You nag your husbands instead of encouraging him, and then you bring your bitter girlfriends into your business.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my in-laws

+1

Anonymous wrote:absolute lack of comunication is the worse thing for us. can't talk about anything because he gets so defensive to the point of becoming aggressive. everything is my fault. I seek his opinions on things and consider them, but I cannot express mine unless I agree with him because it would be a major insult to him. I tried to be simpathetic, but after years I am tired of walking on eggshells. I am a normally smart person (at least I was) and miss the intellectual exchanges I had with my friends (moved away from them). frankly, I am missing all kinds of himan interactions. I asked to go to counseling but his flatly refused, said that I was the one with issues. now we get up, get kids ready, go to work, come back, dinner, kids in bed, and he goes to the sofa watching his crap on TV. every single night, until the wee hours. no, books, no concerts, no friends, no interests in anything other than CSI and stuff like that. he is obviously depressed, but at this point I need to try to save myself, if I still in time. I am trying to find the way out, not easy with young kids. he obviously does not want to break up, I am too convenient. I have been alone in my life, but never thought that I could feel such an atrocious loneliness and desperation while living with somebody