OP here - the conversation evolved naturally. My friend's DD has her bday about 6 weeks after my child's and my friend knows this. She was discussing her plans for her child's bday and asked about our plans. I am not sure why people think this would never come up in conversation amongst mom friends.

I do think it is odd that she believes our DD's to be close friends but I guess she sees it as a natural extension of our own friendship - we are close friends; therefore, our children must be too.

She did send me a message asking me for the date/time of the "party" so she could block it off on her calendar. I did as posters suggested and changed my wording and said she was just having a few school friends attend and that would be it. I considered adding that she and DD were welcome to come to our family celebration (just me, DH, and DD) but decided against it. I haven't heard back from her but my guess is from our conversation her feelings will be a bit hurt but hopefully she will get over it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say she's just doing a 9 YO thing. Maybe you can do a separate playdate with the other friends and cupcakes? Then your daughter gets two bdays

This might be a good alternative if it comes up again. But I think I'd be a little more direct and just say she's at an age where she prefers to celebrate with kids her own age.

I have done this. I have the same situation where my best friend's kids are a lot younger than mine. I have a family party, where she and her kids are invited and do something separate with my kids and just a few select close friends.

The other point to mention is grandparents/extended families. When kids are younger, all family wants to come. As they get older, none of our extended family wants to go - gymboree or ice skating or whatever isn't fun, while standing around watching toddlers play is. Your friends may not get the closest/similiar age distinction but may recognize the difference in older kids' parties from family members. My kids' grandparents couldn't be kept away before, now they wouldn't dream of coming.

Honestly , I'd let it go and not mention it. DD doesn't need 2 parties to satisfy the mom of a 3 yo and DD should have the party she wants. No harm, no foul. If the mom of the 3yo asks about the party, you can say that DD is having (or had) a laser tag party (or whatever equally inappropriate-for a 3yo party it would be) and is excited/had a great time. It will be clear that a 3yo wouldn't have been comfortable with the other ten 9 yo children there.

OP, I hated it when my mom would invite her friends with younger kids to my birthday party. It's normal for your DD to be only with her peers at this age.

I wouldn't frame it as DD's "closest friends," which is subjective. Instead, I'd frame it objectively: DD's classmates. Then, depending on my degree of friendship with the moms and my DD's wishes, I might have a small additional gathering with cupcakes at home for those friends.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why people are calling BS. If you are good friends with someone who has always been invited to birthday parties in the past, then yes, why wouldn't the conversation come up? I always ask my BFF if she has any plans for her DD's birthday parties because I want to know ahead of time if I should save the date, even though her DD is quite a bit older than mine. If she had told me that her DD wanted a party with just her school friends, I would have been fine with that though, so maybe your friends are just not getting it? Time to be more direct

because it doesn't make sense. Anyone with kids should understand that as they age their interests are no longer compatible. Unless it is a family party, what parent wants their 3 year old hanging out with 9 year olds and how is it fair for an older child to have to have "babies" at their party?

OP, I think you are right on that they just don't get it because their DD's are younger. I do think you were right to address it with them as it sounds like it would be worse if you just didn't say anything. I am guessing that whatever DD is doing is probably also age appropriate for 9 yo girls so I would throw in that it's not appropriate for younger children if that applies. I wouldn't worry about a 2nd birthday. That could be turned on you as "gift grabbing."