Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you would put as many hours into your marriage as you do your job you would be better off. I never get it, why people work so much and let the important things in life crumble.

When was the last time you heard the dying guy say, I wish I had worked more??????????????

I haven't ever talked to anyone on their death bed, but I have heard many people, young and old, speak of their regret in not living up to their potential. The best way I know to do that is to work hard and achieve. I absolutely make time for my husband and kids (i'm the 70-hour a week PP who went to counseling in the mornings with my husband), but my career is important to me. And it's important for my kids to see professional achievement by their MOM. Times have changed, but the glass ceiling hasn't crumbled yet.

I have never met a kid who said "thanks mom for working those 70 hour weeks. It made you a great example for me". I have heard LOTS of kids say "my parents weren't around for me". If you want to work, fine. If you need to work, fine. But don't pretend that you worki a 70 hour job for the sake of setting a good example for your children.

But their kids sure loved living in a nice neighborhood and having the money for family vacations. Or would they have rather lived in a beat up area with crappy schools?

You know, maybe this points to a problem in our society. The choice shouldn't be "work normal hours and live in a beat up area with crappy schools" or "work so many hours you don't have down time with your family but be able to give your kids an education." Am I the only one who finds this absurd?

As for OP, why is it your responsibility to find time in your HUSBAND's schedule for counseling????? I promise you if you tell him he has a choice, make time for a 1-hour counseling session a week or brace yourself for divorce, you'll find out real quick if he finds the marriage worth saving. It sounds to me like he is reluctant about counseling. If it were a priority, he would find a counselor near his work and take an hour off one day a week.

I did a 7:30 pm appointment with my DH years ago, before we had kids. I was the person with long hours (associate at a big law firm) and even getting to that 7:30 appointment was hard because I used to leave the office no earlier than 8:30 or 9 at night. But it was very much worth it and really helped.

I don't know how many hours I worked back then, just how many I billed because that was all that mattered. I usually was in the office by 8:30 and, as I mentioned, out by 8:30/9:00 if there was not an emergency. I also worked around five hours/day each weekend day. I couldn't bill it all (pro bono work, admin stuff, professional and client development, etc.), but I know I was billing around 2500 hours/year. Some months when I was going to trial I basically never left the office except to get a change of clothes and maybe a couple of hours of sleep.

So you can go to counseling if you work that much, but it's not easy. Honestly, being in a relationship at all is not that easy when you work that much. I have since left the firm and feel so much more connected to everything - DH and the children I had since leaving the firm.

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:Off topic - to the PP who is a mom working 60-70 hours a week: Kudos to you! It's admirable to see someone work so hard at something they love and I agree, there are lots of reasons that sets a good example. I'm so tired of the couple extremely judgmental posters on this board who never miss an opportunity to tell parents that they are "sad" , their lives are "sad" and their kids must be miserable because they have a parent (or two) who finds their work fulfilling and/or work in a field that doesn't offer a 9-5 M-F schedule. Doctors, lawyers, military members, government officials, police officers, truck drivers, college professors, business owners and so many more aren't entitled to have children according to their narrowly held beliefs on how available everyone else should be to their kids.

Signed, a 15 year SAHM who is job hunting

NP here. No, I don't say kudos to anyone working 70 hours a week -- especially the ones who see it as "proving" something or being a model to their kids. Why? Because they then set the standard as working those horribly unreasonable hours. What do you think has happened in this country? We work more hours than people in other first world countries and we aren't as happy.

It's because of this martyrdom about working long hours. Doctors, lawyers, et cetera, in other countries don't necessarily keep the same hours. It becomes a "this is what I have to do to compete." And then everyone has to do it in order to find success. And we all suffer.

A person -- man or woman -- should be able to have a successful career and model being a good professional to their kids without working 70 hours a week. But it has become ingrained in our thinking that this is what you have to do .

And beyond that, we are now overscheduling kids -- activities, homework. They have no free time or down time. No wonder no one has time to work out.

The best example to model to children is a well-rounded, balanced and full life. And I don't think working 70 hours a week, every week, is a good example of that. It's one thing if it is every now and again. But every week. It seems ridiculous to me. And it does affect other people, because it then sets the norm. "Well, Larla works 70 hours a week and has a family, so you should be able to, too." It's absurd.

I hate what has happened to our society.

And furthermore, I hate the suggestion that you either work 70 hours a week or you are a failure as a career woman, might as well just quit working at all. (I don't think men should be working 70 hours a week either.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you would put as many hours into your marriage as you do your job you would be better off. I never get it, why people work so much and let the important things in life crumble.

When was the last time you heard the dying guy say, I wish I had worked more??????????????

I haven't ever talked to anyone on their death bed, but I have heard many people, young and old, speak of their regret in not living up to their potential. The best way I know to do that is to work hard and achieve. I absolutely make time for my husband and kids (i'm the 70-hour a week PP who went to counseling in the mornings with my husband), but my career is important to me. And it's important for my kids to see professional achievement by their MOM. Times have changed, but the glass ceiling hasn't crumbled yet.

I have never met a kid who said "thanks mom for working those 70 hour weeks. It made you a great example for me". I have heard LOTS of kids say "my parents weren't around for me". If you want to work, fine. If you need to work, fine. But don't pretend that you worki a 70 hour job for the sake of setting a good example for your children.

But their kids sure loved living in a nice neighborhood and having the money for family vacations. Or would they have rather lived in a beat up area with crappy schools?

Anonymous wrote:Off topic - to the PP who is a mom working 60-70 hours a week: Kudos to you! It's admirable to see someone work so hard at something they love and I agree, there are lots of reasons that sets a good example. I'm so tired of the couple extremely judgmental posters on this board who never miss an opportunity to tell parents that they are "sad" , their lives are "sad" and their kids must be miserable because they have a parent (or two) who finds their work fulfilling and/or work in a field that doesn't offer a 9-5 M-F schedule. Doctors, lawyers, military members, government officials, police officers, truck drivers, college professors, business owners and so many more aren't entitled to have children according to their narrowly held beliefs on how available everyone else should be to their kids.

Signed, a 15 year SAHM who is job hunting

+1, although I am a SAHM who is not currently job hunting.

My mom worked, and I was proud of her. She loved her job almost as much as she loved her family. Did it mean that her kids sometimes had to make sacrifices in what they wanted? Well, we couldn't all participate in all the extracurriculars we wanted unless we could figure out transportation for ourselves. I do not resent her at all for that - it is had better to have to work for what you want than to have your parents do everything for you. All these people talking about how "sad" they are for the families of two working parents need a reality check. Guess what? Your kids grow up and have to be independent adults. And then what are you doing to fill your days, after your "work" has left home?

How in the hell does anyone parent or.manage a relationship working 70 hours a week?? I work 40hrs and I feel like I miss out on a lot.

My god..let's just imagine 70...that would be 7-7on the weekdays and then throw in another 10 on the weekends.

I'm guessing these people are certainly not participating in the kids extracurriculars.

Off topic - to the PP who is a mom working 60-70 hours a week: Kudos to you! It's admirable to see someone work so hard at something they love and I agree, there are lots of reasons that sets a good example. I'm so tired of the couple extremely judgmental posters on this board who never miss an opportunity to tell parents that they are "sad" , their lives are "sad" and their kids must be miserable because they have a parent (or two) who finds their work fulfilling and/or work in a field that doesn't offer a 9-5 M-F schedule. Doctors, lawyers, military members, government officials, police officers, truck drivers, college professors, business owners and so many more aren't entitled to have children according to their narrowly held beliefs on how available everyone else should be to their kids.

Signed, a 15 year SAHM who is job hunting

Sounds like the husband doesn't want to be home much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you would put as many hours into your marriage as you do your job you would be better off. I never get it, why people work so much and let the important things in life crumble.

When was the last time you heard the dying guy say, I wish I had worked more??????????????

I haven't ever talked to anyone on their death bed, but I have heard many people, young and old, speak of their regret in not living up to their potential. The best way I know to do that is to work hard and achieve. I absolutely make time for my husband and kids (i'm the 70-hour a week PP who went to counseling in the mornings with my husband), but my career is important to me. And it's important for my kids to see professional achievement by their MOM.

This is creepy. I feel sorry for your family.

And what everyone needs to remember is that everyone in the world measures their life by their own measuring stick. I know people who raised their children, and after they flew the nest, regretted not working on their careers. Conversely, I know people that have regretted working on their careers while they wanted to be home with their kids.

If what you are doing with your life aligns with YOUR PERSONAL goals, ideals, and you are following your path to happiness, then no one else should judge you for those choices. At the end, there is only you to live with your choices. Not everyone has the same ones.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you would put as many hours into your marriage as you do your job you would be better off. I never get it, why people work so much and let the important things in life crumble.

When was the last time you heard the dying guy say, I wish I had worked more??????????????

I haven't ever talked to anyone on their death bed, but I have heard many people, young and old, speak of their regret in not living up to their potential. The best way I know to do that is to work hard and achieve. I absolutely make time for my husband and kids (i'm the 70-hour a week PP who went to counseling in the mornings with my husband), but my career is important to me. And it's important for my kids to see professional achievement by their MOM.

My kids see professional achievement by their mom and their dad. We both work full-time in interesting jobs. But 70 hours sounds awful, and I can't imagine it teaches your kids anything more than a 40-hour schedule would. Do you really, truly work 70 hour weeks? That's more than a full day, 7 days a week.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you would put as many hours into your marriage as you do your job you would be better off. I never get it, why people work so much and let the important things in life crumble.

When was the last time you heard the dying guy say, I wish I had worked more??????????????

I haven't ever talked to anyone on their death bed, but I have heard many people, young and old, speak of their regret in not living up to their potential. The best way I know to do that is to work hard and achieve. I absolutely make time for my husband and kids (i'm the 70-hour a week PP who went to counseling in the mornings with my husband), but my career is important to me. And it's important for my kids to see professional achievement by their MOM.

This is creepy. I feel sorry for your family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you would put as many hours into your marriage as you do your job you would be better off. I never get it, why people work so much and let the important things in life crumble.

When was the last time you heard the dying guy say, I wish I had worked more??????????????

I haven't ever talked to anyone on their death bed, but I have heard many people, young and old, speak of their regret in not living up to their potential. The best way I know to do that is to work hard and achieve. I absolutely make time for my husband and kids (i'm the 70-hour a week PP who went to counseling in the mornings with my husband), but my career is important to me. And it's important for my kids to see professional achievement by their MOM. Times have changed, but the glass ceiling hasn't crumbled yet.

I have never met a kid who said "thanks mom for working those 70 hour weeks. It made you a great example for me". I have heard LOTS of kids say "my parents weren't around for me". If you want to work, fine. If you need to work, fine. But don't pretend that you worki a 70 hour job for the sake of setting a good example for your children.

Anonymous wrote:

I haven't ever talked to anyone on their death bed, but I have heard many people, young and old, speak of their regret in not living up to their potential. The best way I know to do that is to work hard and achieve. I absolutely make time for my husband and kids (i'm the 70-hour a week PP who went to counseling in the mornings with my husband), but my career is important to me. And it's important for my kids to see professional achievement by their MOM. Times have changed, but the glass ceiling hasn't crumbled yet.

You are delusional. No one cares or is impressed except you. If you can admit that, then that's worthy of a bit of respect. If not, then keep flapping along with the rest of the confused women who don't know their ass from their elbow.

You can get 7 or 8 pm appointments. This is not so uncommon.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you would put as many hours into your marriage as you do your job you would be better off. I never get it, why people work so much and let the important things in life crumble.

When was the last time you heard the dying guy say, I wish I had worked more??????????????

I haven't ever talked to anyone on their death bed, but I have heard many people, young and old, speak of their regret in not living up to their potential. The best way I know to do that is to work hard and achieve. I absolutely make time for my husband and kids (i'm the 70-hour a week PP who went to counseling in the mornings with my husband), but my career is important to me. And it's important for my kids to see professional achievement by their MOM. Times have changed, but the glass ceiling hasn't crumbled yet.

I hope I sit next to you at yoru kids graduation some day and when you turn to ask me where the time went I can hand you your paycheck and say take a look at the hours you worked.

And you can complain about how your DH can't afford to retire, and you'll have to live HTM when he does retire. No thanks.