Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand OP. And, NO, you aren't keeping score. It is just nice to be invited somewhere else once in awhile. I have the same thing with. I often have the same child over multiple times, yet my child rarely gets invited to that child's home. She loves to go to other people's homes! Most kids do. It is tough when our playdates and meals are not reciprocated. I completely understand and don't agree that you are keeping score.

It isn't that OP isn't keeping score, you just don't recognize it because you are too. Child coming over to your house = 3+; your child going over to theirs = 0. You are unhappy that 3+>0.

HA! Love the application of real world basic arithmetic.

We are frequent hosts. But it is not because we love to "entertain", whatever that really means, but because we enjoy spending time with friends. It does take two to tango...so we have noticed that over time we spend more time, deepen our relationships, with others who also value inviting us, either to their place or to whatever fun plan elsewhere.

Anonymous wrote:I understand OP. And, NO, you aren't keeping score. It is just nice to be invited somewhere else once in awhile. I have the same thing with. I often have the same child over multiple times, yet my child rarely gets invited to that child's home. She loves to go to other people's homes! Most kids do. It is tough when our playdates and meals are not reciprocated. I completely understand and don't agree that you are keeping score.

It isn't that OP isn't keeping score, you just don't recognize it because you are too. Child coming over to your house = 3+; your child going over to theirs = 0. You are unhappy that 3+>0.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, but I can't STAND people like you who keep score and feel owed when it comes to social engagements. Stop inviting people over if it's become such a burden. People are busy.

Sorry, social obligation is not a tit for tat, but DON"T except if you don't plan to reciprocate. (Not OP) but I have an acquaintance who accepts dozens of invites and never extends an invite. JUST Don't accept if you don't want to reciprocate. That is the best way to go.

No wonder why some people just can't seem to make friends and are constantly moaning on here.

Honestly, I have not a single problem finding friends. I host parties and expect nothing in return. I don't expect you to bring something, I don't expect a TY note, and I don't expect you to reciprocate. All I ask is that you come to my home and make yourself comfortable. When you are open, not critical, and don't harbor judgement, then friendships will grow organically into meaningful exchanges.

I understand OP. And, NO, you aren't keeping score. It is just nice to be invited somewhere else once in awhile. I have the same thing with. I often have the same child over multiple times, yet my child rarely gets invited to that child's home. She loves to go to other people's homes! Most kids do. It is tough when our playdates and meals are not reciprocated. I completely understand and don't agree that you are keeping score.

OP, I'd take my friendships where and how I find them. Just enjoy hosting and find other ways to keep the friendships going. Who knows? You may meet a family or two along the way that will reciprocate in kind, but if they don't enjoy the friendship for what it is. Don't be bitter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, but I can't STAND people like you who keep score and feel owed when it comes to social engagements. Stop inviting people over if it's become such a burden. People are busy.

Sorry, social obligation is not a tit for tat, but DON"T except if you don't plan to reciprocate. (Not OP) but I have an acquaintance who accepts dozens of invites and never extends an invite. JUST Don't accept if you don't want to reciprocate. That is the best way to go.

It would crush me if people really took this attitude. I love to entertain. They don't. I would certainly hope that nobody would skip my event just because they don't want to have their own. I wouldn't invite them if I didn't truly want them to come.

(Luckily, this isn't actually how it happens, and people accept without feeling the need to reciprocate, which is good for everyone.)

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, but I can't STAND people like you who keep score and feel owed when it comes to social engagements. Stop inviting people over if it's become such a burden. People are busy.

Sorry, social obligation is not a tit for tat, but DON"T except if you don't plan to reciprocate. (Not OP) but I have an acquaintance who accepts dozens of invites and never extends an invite. JUST Don't accept if you don't want to reciprocate. That is the best way to go.

They simply might not have the space. We have friends who are always inviting us over to parties at their 4000 sq ft home. They are wonderful parties and my husband and dc love them. However, us inviting their family of 5 over to our 1000 sq ft home with veryyyyy little yard space, and no dining room sucks! We do it bc we feel we have to but the kids have no where to go and literally distroy our house. We have now started to do other things, like take them out to dinner, asked to buy the beer for the annual memorial day party they have ect. However, now that is putting a strain on us because that costs money we don't really have, 180 for dinner, 200 for beer, so now I'm fed up with trying to keep up and can see myself starting to draw back.

I get what the OP is saying. I don't think she's keeping a running tally, but believe me, you notice when you are NEVER invited to anyones home. This happens to us a lot. We have people over, but we are never invited to their homes/events. And yes, it does start to make you wonder if there's something wrong with you. I entertain because I enjoy it, but it gets old always being the host. Sometimes you want to feel important enough to be invited to someones house.

Most of you are missing the point. If people don't want to entertain, why can't they suggest other options, like meeting at a kid-friendly restaurant or going to the pool or the museum together? Friendships are not about entertaining, but it's hard to keep up a friendship without ever seeing each other.

OP, are these people having get-togethers with other families and excluding you? Having dinner parties and not inviting you? Leaving you off the list for their large parties? If the answer is yes, then you have a legitimate beef. But if they are just not host-type people, are not set up for entertaining, do not have a house with "flow" or a large backyard or just do not have the wherewithall for entertaining, as others have said, give them a break. I must assume they are doing something otherwise to engage your friendship and let you know they like you. Not everyone entertains.

I love to entertain but definitely slowed down as my kids got older.
We also dont have a backyard that kids can run around in and my basement is not as kid friendly as others. It is perfect for small kids and toddlers that stay put and are interested in the toys that are there but I have tried to have my friends over with older kids 4+ and mine are too now and they are actually all worse behaved than a 2 yo. They don't stay put and run upstairs where there are no toys and make me crazy so now - I invite ppl over and say adult only dinner and hire a babysitter to watch my own so I can enjoy my friends.

OP, not sure which one is worse, when no one reciprocates or when they do and ask you to bring a dish, napkins and beer or when they straight up ask you to contribute $20-$30 dollars per family when you come to their house. Especially since when they are invited to come to my home, they are not expected to bring anything.

I agree with you OP. But I don't think reciprocating has to necessarily be the same type of event as what the original person planned. But the spirit of reciprocation should be there. For instance, if I have a social gathering at my house, then I will expect the other couples to invite us to do something at some point, whether it's meeting up for lunch out somewhere, going to a movie, etc. It doesn't have to be inviting us over to their house. I couldn't care less what they invite us to, as long as they reciprocate in some way. But most of the time I do all the inviting, and no one ever reciprocates for anything. That really bugs me. I was raised that if someone invites you to do something, you invite them.