In our school the teacher makes the child hold her hand through out the day, even during recess. A 5 year old hates this, but its hard on the teacher!.
The teacher makes the child understand in simple words that she does not want to let him off like other kids to play as he is a danger to the others. He may understand the consequence, or teach him thus. It does WORK.

Anonymous wrote:
Unfortunately, the daycare is not very helpful and they seem very exasperated by his behavior. At one point, the director told me I have to punish him even harder. They don't seem to know how to address it at all. I feel like I'm flying blind on this one. And the teacher writes me notes about what he's done wrong, most days. Never anything about what he's done right. I have a sinking feeling he doesn't get any positive feedback for what he does well.

Talk to the administration and let them know that you are working on discipline and guidance rather than punishment. Ask them to help you in this by first telling you something your child has done right each day before all of the "wrong" things. I'm including a link to an article that was written for both teachers and parents that explains the differences and the benefits (or not) of each.
http://www.earlychildhoodnews.com/earlychildhood/article_print.aspx?ArticleId=578

Is he starting kindergarten in the fall? The schools will most likely use positive discipline, so I wouldn't worry about this preschool too much longer if he's leaving soon. Also, there are plenty of camps for 5 year olds in the area. If you don't like the place, could you take him out and put him somewhere else for the summer before kindergarten that might have more outdoor time and better discipline techniques?

OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I've been reading, "Parenting the Defiant Child," and it stresses positive discipline as well. So I just completely stopped punishing at home for his behavior at school. No more taking away TV and toys and other treats. Instead, I've focused on asking him to do one nice thing for a friend at school, and to tell me about it when I pick him up. It's really changed his mood! His behavior isn't perfect at school, but it is getting better. I try to focus on his accomplishments and improvements. We continue to do the reading, role play, and use of appropriate words at home.

Unfortunately, the daycare is not very helpful and they seem very exasperated by his behavior. At one point, the director told me I have to punish him even harder. They don't seem to know how to address it at all. I feel like I'm flying blind on this one. And the teacher writes me notes about what he's done wrong, most days. Never anything about what he's done right. I have a sinking feeling he doesn't get any positive feedback for what he does well.

I read a really cool article once about a elementary school (not sure if it was local) that set up optional lap running during recess. The kids got ribbons or such for running a certain number of laps and it was a huge hit. The teachers loved it for the boys especially because it really helped reduce in class behavior problems as the boys were able to burn some pent up energy.

With my 6 yo, I'm slowly trying to use "positive discipline" more. I think there is a fine line between positive discipline and just giving rewards for everything. A lot of if might be how you phrase things and re-setting expectations. Too much punishment can really kill a 5 or 6 year old self-esteem.

I know it seems as if kids "should just be good," but the research seems to suggest that people respond better to rewards than to punishment.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with 10:44. I also don't think it is wise to take away active outdoor time from a child having a problem aggressive, physical impulses.

The school needs to carefully observe what is happening before the hitting. Children just don't start randomly hitting for no reason. You aren't going to solve this problem by increasingly draconian and unrelated punishment.

Agreed . . . they seem to be pretty lax regarding 'the reason'. And what are they telling the parents of the child being hit?


Lola
daycarechronicles.wordpress.com

Anonymous wrote:Isn't 5 years old a bit old to be in daycare? Or is it a daycare/preschool type situation? Is he with other kids his age doing age appropriate activities?

Not OP but my December child missed the September cutoff for K.

I agree with 10:44. I also don't think it is wise to take away active outdoor time from a child having a problem aggressive, physical impulses.

The school needs to carefully observe what is happening before the hitting. Children just don't start randomly hitting for no reason. You aren't going to solve this problem by increasingly draconian and unrelated punishment.

Is it one particular child your kid is hitting? Or is it all the kids? Is there a specific trigger? This seems like there might be something bigger going on here if he's not doing it outside of daycare.

Anonymous wrote:2 months isn't too long to be working on this .

It seems like forever when your kid is hitting others.