Anonymous
05/07/2012 20:34
Subject: Re:Bad Bad Bad Bad Mommy Moment
OP both my boys are rough, stubborn donkeys and yes, they have both been smacked back at times. I don't do it all the time but occasionally they get really out of line and nothing else will work and I am not in a position to give them a time out (one thing they don't tell you, is how you discipline one with the other mocking him like a court jester?).
Re. the 'how do you get a kid to sit in time out' issue, this is the do or die time, OP. My stubborn donkeys needed to be sat in a bathroom (TP removed), on the closed toilet seat. It is high enough so they can't easily 'sneak' off of it. We have a timer and if they get up, the timer starts over. I did this for 20 minutes with my 2yo the other day when he threw a toy and refused to sit still. Eventually, he did; and I know that in 6-8 months, he'll handle a time out without a battle like his 4yo brother; but until then, he's going to try and try and see if he gets a different result.
It's hard. And some kids just push.your.buttons. But I wouldn't feel so bad; if anything, he will think twice before he hits again. I would also talk to him about how it's never ok to hit people when he is in a teachable mood.
Re. the 'how do you get a kid to sit in time out' issue, this is the do or die time, OP. My stubborn donkeys needed to be sat in a bathroom (TP removed), on the closed toilet seat. It is high enough so they can't easily 'sneak' off of it. We have a timer and if they get up, the timer starts over. I did this for 20 minutes with my 2yo the other day when he threw a toy and refused to sit still. Eventually, he did; and I know that in 6-8 months, he'll handle a time out without a battle like his 4yo brother; but until then, he's going to try and try and see if he gets a different result.
It's hard. And some kids just push.your.buttons. But I wouldn't feel so bad; if anything, he will think twice before he hits again. I would also talk to him about how it's never ok to hit people when he is in a teachable mood.
Anonymous
05/07/2012 20:15
Subject: Re:Bad Bad Bad Bad Mommy Moment
We are not a big time out family but we do it for hitting. We say, you hit, you sit and into the chair they go. It may take some time but he will get it.
Anonymous
05/07/2012 20:08
Subject: Bad Bad Bad Bad Mommy Moment
Actually, that would be my advice -- read "123 Magic." It was really great for us.
Anonymous
05/07/2012 20:08
Subject: Re:Bad Bad Bad Bad Mommy Moment
kid needs discipline with consequences. first, time out. second, time out. third, time out. if that doesn't work, then spanking.
Anonymous
05/07/2012 20:07
Subject: Re:Bad Bad Bad Bad Mommy Moment
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am just shocked that a 3 year old is doing all of this. You really have to discipline your child. Your built up frustration is from not being able to properly discipline. A 3 year old should be fully capable of not biting, punching and kicking mommy. He knows he can get away with it from you, so he does it. If I can beat someone and get away with it, you bet I would do it.
I appreciate your feedback, I really do. I just want you to know that my kids are lovely are are disciplined. In case you didn't read my first post, I did say that our pediatrician said this is very normal behavior for a 34 month old, especially for a 34 month old who is the youngest of three children. I've discussed the behavior with a profession, and my child isn't doing anything that other kids his age do, he's just doing it more.
I'm sorry I said he "beat" me. We're not talking about a teenager attacking me, it's a 35 pound preschooler. What set me off today was the fact my back was turned and I was ignoring the behavior as not to feed it with negative attention. Again, his little fist hit me just at the base of my spine and it hurt. I view it more of a 3rd child trying really hard to get attention in a very negative way. But please be assured, my older two never behaved this way, and my almost 3 year old is a very sweet child and does not do this in any other situation or at school.
Now, do you have any advice as to how to stop feeling so bad? Nothing you said really helped at all, could you try again?
Continue putting the child in time out until the child sits their for 3 minutes. If the child runs away, go after the child and place them back in time out. Yes you may have to do this a lot but after a few time out sessions your child will get it and understand that when he acts up, he will have to sit and do nothing.
I am sorry, I am not going to pat you on your back and tell you that you did a great job. You lost it, we get it. Your child will be just fine, however, look at the bigger picture, which is that you really need better ways to handle your frustration and discipline. Hitting and then saying sorry afterwards, does not work with kids, so why should it work with you, as an adult? Sorry if I did not make you feel better, but you can not expect 100 percent positive reactions to your post.
I don't want a pat on the back as I've had one too many of those today. I'd like useful advice. Again, I appreciate your feedback and your opinion, but I'm lost at what advice you are giving. I'm aware of what happened and why it happened. Any advice to keep it from happening again (his hitting, not mine). This has happened once, not on many occasions, so while I understand the point about "frustration" you're attempting to make, I don't see that as a pattern with *me*.
I am fed up with the hitting, however I am asking for advice on STOPPING THE BEHAVIOR, so again, what advice do you have?
Put the child in time out every time the child hits. Use a firm voice and look directly into your child's eye, that his hitting is not ok, and that it hurts you.
Some children really wont sit in time out. If a child will not sit in time out then do you sit on top of them? Hold them there? Make time out a screaming battle? What methods do you suggest for the child that will not sit in time out, just curious?
OP, when he hits you you immediately tell him no and tell him he is going to time out. Then you take him to wherever time out is, like a corner of the room, a specific chair, a mat, whatever. You don't argue, you don't explain, you don't get into a verbal battle. You have laid down the law and that is, no hitting mommy. If he gets up you get him and firmly place him back on his mat, let's say. He will kick, scream, yell. You don't engage and leave him there. You continue to repeat this as long as it's necessary. It could take 10-15 minutes or several hours. You need to break him. He doesn't get to leave until he has stayed in time out by himself for at least a few minutes and is not trying to run away. Ever watch the show where the Nanny comes and helps parents with their out of control children? Watch a couple of those episodes. He needs to learn there are immediate consequences to his actions. He needs to learn you don't play and you mean business.
Anonymous
05/07/2012 20:06
Subject: Bad Bad Bad Bad Mommy Moment
You don't need to make it up to your son. Seriously. He's little, it sounds like this was an isolated thing, he's not scarred for life or anything. Don't torture yourself. We are have shitty mom moments. Doesn't mean we don't try to do better, but it doesn't mean we have to hate ourselves for screwing up sometimes.
Hitting has never been a huge thing with us, but when it happens on occasion, I gasp and look stern and horrified and say something like, "OW. THAT HURT ME. WE DON'T HIT." Then I do some kind of isolation -- like when I had a 3/4yo, we did an "automatic 3" (time out in bedroom -- I was big on "1-2-3 Magic"!) With the 1/2yo, I tended to move away from them, end whatever activity we were doing, and ignore them for a while, which was actually quite effective.
You don't want to hit back, because that teaches that, hey, we DO hit when we get mad enough. You don't want to take it lightly because they might think it's a funny game. Good luck. And if you're in the DC area, maybe try a PEP class -- I have friends who swear by them.
AND DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP! You're a thoughtful mother who is doing her best. We all get frustrated and snap sometimes.
Hitting has never been a huge thing with us, but when it happens on occasion, I gasp and look stern and horrified and say something like, "OW. THAT HURT ME. WE DON'T HIT." Then I do some kind of isolation -- like when I had a 3/4yo, we did an "automatic 3" (time out in bedroom -- I was big on "1-2-3 Magic"!) With the 1/2yo, I tended to move away from them, end whatever activity we were doing, and ignore them for a while, which was actually quite effective.
You don't want to hit back, because that teaches that, hey, we DO hit when we get mad enough. You don't want to take it lightly because they might think it's a funny game. Good luck. And if you're in the DC area, maybe try a PEP class -- I have friends who swear by them.
AND DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP! You're a thoughtful mother who is doing her best. We all get frustrated and snap sometimes.
Anonymous
05/07/2012 19:58
Subject: Bad Bad Bad Bad Mommy Moment
The advice is:
Today you decide that this behavior is not acceptable and you will not tolerate it anymore. Then find whatever method of discipline will work with your child:
time-out
take away a toy
take away a privilege
you need to be firm and consistent.
I am sad for you OP, not because you lost it with child but because your 3 year old hits you on a regular basis.
Today you decide that this behavior is not acceptable and you will not tolerate it anymore. Then find whatever method of discipline will work with your child:
time-out
take away a toy
take away a privilege
you need to be firm and consistent.
I am sad for you OP, not because you lost it with child but because your 3 year old hits you on a regular basis.
Anonymous
05/07/2012 19:52
Subject: Re:Bad Bad Bad Bad Mommy Moment
Anonymous wrote:I am just shocked that a 3 year old is doing all of this. You really have to discipline your child. Your built up frustration is from not being able to properly discipline. A 3 year old should be fully capable of not biting, punching and kicking mommy. He knows he can get away with it from you, so he does it. If I can beat someone and get away with it, you bet I would do it.
Agree with this poster. A 3 year old should NOT be hitting and kicking you. Totally unacceptable.
OP, you are not handling it and you are letting him get away with it, which is why he continues to do it.
I am seriously shocked that some of you think this is acceptable and normal behavior.
Anonymous
05/07/2012 19:47
Subject: Re:Bad Bad Bad Bad Mommy Moment
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am just shocked that a 3 year old is doing all of this. You really have to discipline your child. Your built up frustration is from not being able to properly discipline. A 3 year old should be fully capable of not biting, punching and kicking mommy. He knows he can get away with it from you, so he does it. If I can beat someone and get away with it, you bet I would do it.
I appreciate your feedback, I really do. I just want you to know that my kids are lovely are are disciplined. In case you didn't read my first post, I did say that our pediatrician said this is very normal behavior for a 34 month old, especially for a 34 month old who is the youngest of three children. I've discussed the behavior with a profession, and my child isn't doing anything that other kids his age do, he's just doing it more.
I'm sorry I said he "beat" me. We're not talking about a teenager attacking me, it's a 35 pound preschooler. What set me off today was the fact my back was turned and I was ignoring the behavior as not to feed it with negative attention. Again, his little fist hit me just at the base of my spine and it hurt. I view it more of a 3rd child trying really hard to get attention in a very negative way. But please be assured, my older two never behaved this way, and my almost 3 year old is a very sweet child and does not do this in any other situation or at school.
Now, do you have any advice as to how to stop feeling so bad? Nothing you said really helped at all, could you try again?
Continue putting the child in time out until the child sits their for 3 minutes. If the child runs away, go after the child and place them back in time out. Yes you may have to do this a lot but after a few time out sessions your child will get it and understand that when he acts up, he will have to sit and do nothing.
I am sorry, I am not going to pat you on your back and tell you that you did a great job. You lost it, we get it. Your child will be just fine, however, look at the bigger picture, which is that you really need better ways to handle your frustration and discipline. Hitting and then saying sorry afterwards, does not work with kids, so why should it work with you, as an adult? Sorry if I did not make you feel better, but you can not expect 100 percent positive reactions to your post.
I don't want a pat on the back as I've had one too many of those today. I'd like useful advice. Again, I appreciate your feedback and your opinion, but I'm lost at what advice you are giving. I'm aware of what happened and why it happened. Any advice to keep it from happening again (his hitting, not mine). This has happened once, not on many occasions, so while I understand the point about "frustration" you're attempting to make, I don't see that as a pattern with *me*.
I am fed up with the hitting, however I am asking for advice on STOPPING THE BEHAVIOR, so again, what advice do you have?
Put the child in time out every time the child hits. Use a firm voice and look directly into your child's eye, that his hitting is not ok, and that it hurts you.
Some children really wont sit in time out. If a child will not sit in time out then do you sit on top of them? Hold them there? Make time out a screaming battle? What methods do you suggest for the child that will not sit in time out, just curious?
Anonymous
05/07/2012 19:43
Subject: Re:Bad Bad Bad Bad Mommy Moment
NP here. What kind of consequence do you normally give him for the hitting/violent behavior?
Anonymous
05/07/2012 19:42
Subject: Re:Bad Bad Bad Bad Mommy Moment
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am just shocked that a 3 year old is doing all of this. You really have to discipline your child. Your built up frustration is from not being able to properly discipline. A 3 year old should be fully capable of not biting, punching and kicking mommy. He knows he can get away with it from you, so he does it. If I can beat someone and get away with it, you bet I would do it.
I appreciate your feedback, I really do. I just want you to know that my kids are lovely are are disciplined. In case you didn't read my first post, I did say that our pediatrician said this is very normal behavior for a 34 month old, especially for a 34 month old who is the youngest of three children. I've discussed the behavior with a profession, and my child isn't doing anything that other kids his age do, he's just doing it more.
I'm sorry I said he "beat" me. We're not talking about a teenager attacking me, it's a 35 pound preschooler. What set me off today was the fact my back was turned and I was ignoring the behavior as not to feed it with negative attention. Again, his little fist hit me just at the base of my spine and it hurt. I view it more of a 3rd child trying really hard to get attention in a very negative way. But please be assured, my older two never behaved this way, and my almost 3 year old is a very sweet child and does not do this in any other situation or at school.
Now, do you have any advice as to how to stop feeling so bad? Nothing you said really helped at all, could you try again?
I am sorry, I am not going to pat you on your back and tell you that you did a great job. You lost it, we get it. Your child will be just fine, however, look at the bigger picture, which is that you really need better ways to handle your frustration and discipline. Hitting and then saying sorry afterwards, does not work with kids, so why should it work with you, as an adult? Sorry if I did not make you feel better, but you can not expect 100 percent positive reactions to your post.
I don't want a pat on the back as I've had one too many of those today. I'd like useful advice. Again, I appreciate your feedback and your opinion, but I'm lost at what advice you are giving. I'm aware of what happened and why it happened. Any advice to keep it from happening again (his hitting, not mine). This has happened once, not on many occasions, so while I understand the point about "frustration" you're attempting to make, I don't see that as a pattern with *me*.
I am fed up with the hitting, however I am asking for advice on STOPPING THE BEHAVIOR, so again, what advice do you have?
Put the child in time out every time the child hits. Use a firm voice and look directly into your child's eye, that his hitting is not ok, and that it hurts you.
Some children really wont sit in time out. If a child will not sit in time out then do you sit on top of them? Hold them there? Make time out a screaming battle? What methods do you suggest for the child that will not sit in time out, just curious?
Anonymous
05/07/2012 19:37
Subject: Re:Bad Bad Bad Bad Mommy Moment
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am just shocked that a 3 year old is doing all of this. You really have to discipline your child. Your built up frustration is from not being able to properly discipline. A 3 year old should be fully capable of not biting, punching and kicking mommy. He knows he can get away with it from you, so he does it. If I can beat someone and get away with it, you bet I would do it.
I appreciate your feedback, I really do. I just want you to know that my kids are lovely are are disciplined. In case you didn't read my first post, I did say that our pediatrician said this is very normal behavior for a 34 month old, especially for a 34 month old who is the youngest of three children. I've discussed the behavior with a profession, and my child isn't doing anything that other kids his age do, he's just doing it more.
I'm sorry I said he "beat" me. We're not talking about a teenager attacking me, it's a 35 pound preschooler. What set me off today was the fact my back was turned and I was ignoring the behavior as not to feed it with negative attention. Again, his little fist hit me just at the base of my spine and it hurt. I view it more of a 3rd child trying really hard to get attention in a very negative way. But please be assured, my older two never behaved this way, and my almost 3 year old is a very sweet child and does not do this in any other situation or at school.
Now, do you have any advice as to how to stop feeling so bad? Nothing you said really helped at all, could you try again?
I am sorry, I am not going to pat you on your back and tell you that you did a great job. You lost it, we get it. Your child will be just fine, however, look at the bigger picture, which is that you really need better ways to handle your frustration and discipline. Hitting and then saying sorry afterwards, does not work with kids, so why should it work with you, as an adult? Sorry if I did not make you feel better, but you can not expect 100 percent positive reactions to your post.
I don't want a pat on the back as I've had one too many of those today. I'd like useful advice. Again, I appreciate your feedback and your opinion, but I'm lost at what advice you are giving. I'm aware of what happened and why it happened. Any advice to keep it from happening again (his hitting, not mine). This has happened once, not on many occasions, so while I understand the point about "frustration" you're attempting to make, I don't see that as a pattern with *me*.
I am fed up with the hitting, however I am asking for advice on STOPPING THE BEHAVIOR, so again, what advice do you have?
Put the child in time out every time the child hits. Use a firm voice and look directly into your child's eye, that his hitting is not ok, and that it hurts you.
Anonymous
05/07/2012 19:36
Subject: Re:Bad Bad Bad Bad Mommy Moment
Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's normal for a child to be hitting you. It's just wrong and because some alleged expert says it's okay doesn't make it okay. It doesn't matter whether the kid is your eldest or youngest, hitting mommy is never acceptable. You do need to act on this. Would it be okay if the child was hurting a sibling? Or a pet? I'm thinking 'no' So why is hitting mom okay???
I think you did exactly the right thing and you should not feel guilty at all. Even when my kids were really little, they knew when they had crossed the line and a response is in order. What you demonstrated today was that mommy has a breaking point too. Darn fine lesson and one it seems your child needs. We don't smack as a matter of course in our house and I try to avoid yelling - but if I do either as an impulse (usually due to safety concerns like a child running in the carpark or heading towards the water) it sure as hell makes an impression.
In terms of agression, my youngest was a hair puller for a while. I got fed up and told her siblings to pull her hair back. The issue went away in less than a day. I know it's not PC to say this but I believe that it's healthy for a small person to know that "chances are the biter will get bit."
In terms of practical advice: pour yourself a glass of wine, repeat "I am a good mommy" 20 times. I think it's great that you're worried about what you did. I also support what you did.
Thank you so much for this post. It's so funny you mention the hair pulling. Little guy wont hit his older siblings because they DO hit back. He knows not to mess with them, especially his brother. I wish there were some magic parenting button I could press to remove behaviors. If this was something that we didn't try to correct then I'd get it, but we do correct it or ignore it. And by ignoring it I mean ignoring the first pat and not giving it the attention he's seeking. If it continues we deal with it and he laughs.
Anonymous
05/07/2012 19:32
Subject: Re:Bad Bad Bad Bad Mommy Moment
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am just shocked that a 3 year old is doing all of this. You really have to discipline your child. Your built up frustration is from not being able to properly discipline. A 3 year old should be fully capable of not biting, punching and kicking mommy. He knows he can get away with it from you, so he does it. If I can beat someone and get away with it, you bet I would do it.
I appreciate your feedback, I really do. I just want you to know that my kids are lovely are are disciplined. In case you didn't read my first post, I did say that our pediatrician said this is very normal behavior for a 34 month old, especially for a 34 month old who is the youngest of three children. I've discussed the behavior with a profession, and my child isn't doing anything that other kids his age do, he's just doing it more.
I'm sorry I said he "beat" me. We're not talking about a teenager attacking me, it's a 35 pound preschooler. What set me off today was the fact my back was turned and I was ignoring the behavior as not to feed it with negative attention. Again, his little fist hit me just at the base of my spine and it hurt. I view it more of a 3rd child trying really hard to get attention in a very negative way. But please be assured, my older two never behaved this way, and my almost 3 year old is a very sweet child and does not do this in any other situation or at school.
Now, do you have any advice as to how to stop feeling so bad? Nothing you said really helped at all, could you try again?
I am sorry, I am not going to pat you on your back and tell you that you did a great job. You lost it, we get it. Your child will be just fine, however, look at the bigger picture, which is that you really need better ways to handle your frustration and discipline. Hitting and then saying sorry afterwards, does not work with kids, so why should it work with you, as an adult? Sorry if I did not make you feel better, but you can not expect 100 percent positive reactions to your post.
I don't want a pat on the back as I've had one too many of those today. I'd like useful advice. Again, I appreciate your feedback and your opinion, but I'm lost at what advice you are giving. I'm aware of what happened and why it happened. Any advice to keep it from happening again (his hitting, not mine). This has happened once, not on many occasions, so while I understand the point about "frustration" you're attempting to make, I don't see that as a pattern with *me*.
I am fed up with the hitting, however I am asking for advice on STOPPING THE BEHAVIOR, so again, what advice do you have?
Anonymous
05/07/2012 19:14
Subject: Re:Bad Bad Bad Bad Mommy Moment
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am just shocked that a 3 year old is doing all of this. You really have to discipline your child. Your built up frustration is from not being able to properly discipline. A 3 year old should be fully capable of not biting, punching and kicking mommy. He knows he can get away with it from you, so he does it. If I can beat someone and get away with it, you bet I would do it.
I appreciate your feedback, I really do. I just want you to know that my kids are lovely are are disciplined. In case you didn't read my first post, I did say that our pediatrician said this is very normal behavior for a 34 month old, especially for a 34 month old who is the youngest of three children. I've discussed the behavior with a profession, and my child isn't doing anything that other kids his age do, he's just doing it more.
I'm sorry I said he "beat" me. We're not talking about a teenager attacking me, it's a 35 pound preschooler. What set me off today was the fact my back was turned and I was ignoring the behavior as not to feed it with negative attention. Again, his little fist hit me just at the base of my spine and it hurt. I view it more of a 3rd child trying really hard to get attention in a very negative way. But please be assured, my older two never behaved this way, and my almost 3 year old is a very sweet child and does not do this in any other situation or at school.
Now, do you have any advice as to how to stop feeling so bad? Nothing you said really helped at all, could you try again?
I am sorry, I am not going to pat you on your back and tell you that you did a great job. You lost it, we get it. Your child will be just fine, however, look at the bigger picture, which is that you really need better ways to handle your frustration and discipline. Hitting and then saying sorry afterwards, does not work with kids, so why should it work with you, as an adult? Sorry if I did not make you feel better, but you can not expect 100 percent positive reactions to your post.
NP here. Bite me PP. You are a colossal bitch.