Into the office by 8:30am. Home by 6 three nights a week to have dinner and help with bedtime (infant, 2.5 yo), then works until midnight or later, and often misses dinner or has to take a call or respond to emails during dinner. Stays until 10 or 11 the other two nights. Works almost every Sunday for 5-10 hours. He does fully take off all of Saturday (except for Blackberry) and Sunday mornings. He bills 2500+ a year and is always a available via phone or email, so no one minds that he's not giving face time. It does mean that we don't spend that much time together, as he's at his desk as soon as he finishes reading the bedtime story to our toddler, but I appreciate that he comes home to help. I was a Big Law associate for 4 years (now SAH), so I think that helps me deal with his schedule a little better. I also am really thankful that I get to SAH. Plus, he loves his job, despite the time sacrifices.

DH gets home around 8, after dd has gone to sleep, eats dinner then works more. If I had known this was what life would be like with a partner at a law firm, I would have never married him. His original firm merged a few years ago with a much bigger firm and the new one has crazy hour expectations and face time policies. I would trade in our house (our only real luxury) for a husband that I actually saw. And his compensation is paltry compared to partners of other law firms - he makes $300k.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Home once a week for dinner? Home at 10 each night? Cant believe people live this way.

blah blah blah

of course, because everything that is not the same as what *you* do, is somehow not acceptable.

You're right, I think a father having dinner with his family once a week isn't acceptable. I also don't think working til 10 each night is acceptable. What about time for your relationship? Time to focus on the kids? If you think this IS ok, I truly feel sorry for you.

Funny, i likewise think those things are unacceptable. But if other people are okay with it, i just think we're different, not right or wrong. And I Only feel sorry for the people whohave to deal with negative, judgmental people like yourself in real life!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean this in the nicest way...

When does he find time for you? It's as if his life revolves around his career...

This very issue has been troubling for several years. I haven't figured out what to do about it yet.

I'm in the same boat, but my DH is not a lawyer and makes just around six figures. He is passionate about his career (his job is very cool and he is very good at it), but it has caused problems in our marriage. I work too, and we are parents, and marriage takes nurturing and time with each other and it is tough.

In my case he was around a bit more but we are discovering he has some emotional reasons he checks out and is so dedicated to work. It helps him not deal with real life. He can focus on this thing that makes him happy, makes him feel good and productive and valued. But it means he is not seeking that in me, his wife, and that's a problem.

I think a lot of men have this tendency. Women too of course, but women tend to be a bit more in touch with their emotions. I know not all are and not all men are like this, I'm just speaking in generalities as I connected to this post even though my DH is not a big earner or a law firm partner.

RE 08:22. - to each is own, and if you don't think coming home at 10pm is acceptable, that's your business and you should make your decisions accordingly.

21:02 again. Somehow finding time for each other has never been much of a problem.

Maybe b/c I'm a late night person. So we usually get an hour together most nights. We both probably forgo sleep more than others, we will stay up till 12 or 1 Friday or Saturday night (but never both). We try to go on a date 2-3 weekends a month, but some months we don't even get one in.

I guess when I was working for a fifth the pay (he does now) and coming home at 10pm and we didn't have kids we probably saw each other less than we do now. Then I was so tired and cranky I didn't want to be social, now we're looking forward to each other and we have our own routines for relaxing together.

We usually go on one week long vacation every 2-3 years without the kids, (we say we should do it every year but we usually go on a family trip instead) and we try to get 2 additional weekend trips in per year, even if the kids are with us but stay in Grandma's hotel room instead of ours.

We spring for suites when possible when we travel as a family so we have our time together in the evening after the kids go to sleep.

Maybe since we've never been the kind of people to be home at 6pm (even before kids and big-law) it just seems natural.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Home once a week for dinner? Home at 10 each night? Cant believe people live this way.

blah blah blah

of course, because everything that is not the same as what *you* do, is somehow not acceptable.

You're right, I think a father having dinner with his family once a week isn't acceptable. I also don't think working til 10 each night is acceptable. What about time for your relationship? Time to focus on the kids? If you think this IS ok, I truly feel sorry for you.

Anonymous wrote:I mean this in the nicest way...

When does he find time for you? It's as if his life revolves around his career...

This very issue has been troubling for several years. I haven't figured out what to do about it yet.

I mean this in the nicest way...

When does he find time for you? It's as if his life revolves around his career...

Anonymous wrote:21:02 here. It works for us. Why can't you believe we live this way?

My husband has a job he loves, I love not having a job, we both love our kids. Does he sometimes wish he was around a bit more, sure. Do I sometimes wish he was around more, for sure! But we did know what it would be like before we got into this, and it's generally what we expected.

Sometimes I wish I had found a career that I loved as much as my husband loves his. I imagine sometimes he wishes he was home more often.

This is sort of where we are with things in that DH really loves what he does (law) and I was working almost as many hours but for a fraction of the money and I was miserable. I wished I had found something that I loved as much as he does. I actually recently quit my job and am taking some time off from working and going back to grad school to finish a degree I started years ago and didn't finish. W don't have children yet, so, hopefully I can figure out what i'd like to do, get started on that and then start a family. We'll see. I'm only 30, so I keep telling myself I can make this work.

22:11 again - my husband was not a partner - sorry, read the thread wrong!

when hubbby was with the firm, he left around 8, came home between 7-9 (2 at least 2 nights per week), worked from home after kids asleep 2-3 nights, and worked on the weekends for at least 4-5 hours total (from home)

now in govt: leaves at 7:45am
home by 6:30 or 7. 7:45 has been the latest and that's about once every 2 weeks

weekends: works 3-4 hours from home every other weekend.

Anonymous wrote:And also, what kind of involvement with the kids?

My spouse gets home between 8:30 and 10 most nights. Does not help in mornings with kids but sleeps in so he can be productive at work. Helps out at least 1 day per weekend -- other one is usually spent at office. Trying to gauge if this is the norm.

He makes lots of money and you get to stay home. Stop whining because the two of you made this choice. I have zip empathy or sympathy for you.

Anonymous wrote:Home once a week for dinner? Home at 10 each night? Cant believe people live this way.

blah blah blah

of course, because everything that is not the same as what *you* do, is somehow not acceptable.

Anonymous wrote:Spends mornings with the kids, leaves at 8/ 8:30. Comes home for dinner one weeknight a week, and then works another 2-4 hrs after bedtime. Otherwise, home at 10, sometimes works afterwards. Home on the weekends, but works as needed. Usually one phone call an evening to me for a half hour to catch up. Try and text and email as needed to catch up mid day.

My DH and I have nearly this exact same set up, actually since he was an associate. I find it pretty okay.